Is he going to expect sex??

[MiddleAgedDread]

So I’m well out of touch with this dating game, been single since the dinosaurs roamed the earth but recently started dating a lovely guy and we’ve been out for meals and share a hobby so meet up to do that. He cooked me dinner and his a couple of times but it’s always been a “school night” due to schedules and we’ve not slept together yet……I think we’re both treading quite cautiously with each other (we’re older and have both been single for years and he has a child) but I’ve invited him over on Friday for a “lazy night in”…….i didn’t mean it to be code for “let’s have sex”, but I wonder if that’s how he’ll interpret it?? I don’t mind if he stays over, just I’m expecting my period any day (technically it’s over due but not by perimenopause standards) and my sex drive is pretty damn low these days……arggghhhh!! It as never this hard when I was younger, I feel like I’ve lost my nerve with men!
probably should have bought condoms tonight too……or will he have thought of that?? I know the risk is low but……

I think have some wine, see how it goes and have fun. It doesn’t have to be full sex or indeed any sex if you’re not feeling it. Just relax and see how the evening pans out. If he’s a good guy he’ll be of the same mind.

@Screamingabdabz is right (but get condoms just in case). Your libido may make a miraculous recovery on the chilled night in!

Maybe talk to him first...

Yeah I will, we’re pretty open about stuff

When the time is right you'll know.

Libidos can often recover pretty quickly in the right circs

If you aren’t sure if you’re up for it or not, just say you’d like to just see how it goes in terms of him staying over. But yes get condoms in case.

He might be expecting you to juggle flaming torches on a unicycle but it doesn't mean it going to happen (apologies if your circus skills are very good and this scenario could happen).

Pmsl I can’t even stand on one leg without falling over 🤣

It be better to ask him rather than ask random people on the internet. I mean, I'm happy to ask him for you if you want but that might be a bit odd.

Think how much more enjoyable it will be if you both know what your expectations are.

BTW OP, I had a new man after a long gap, and when I was peri.

We knew each other for about six weeks before we had sex.

We've been married for 25 years now.

Oh we’ve known each other longer than that but not sure marriage will be on the cards but that’s lovely 🥰

probably should have bought condoms tonight too……or will he have thought of that?? I know the risk is low but……

The risk of STIs isn't particularly low - it doesn't sound like you will have got yourselves screened or anything. So definitely get and use condoms.

Always buy your own condoms. Been in situations before where theirs are out of date but of course they never tell you that.

Well I suspect it probably is cos I know my history and I don’t think his is much different unless there’s something he’s not telling me
point taken though, trip to chemist before Friday!

It doesn't take being particularly promiscuous to catch something. And there are STIs that can be carried asymptomatically. (And there could well be things he isn't telling you).

Plus your name is middleageddread, not teenageddread - (although I reckon some teenagers would be shocked by your (initially) laissez-faire attitude to your sexual health 😂). If you have kids, at least try to be as responsible as you probably would tell them to be. 😂

While you are at the chemist, top tip, just in case, get some lube ( water based for condom use). Perimenopause and long stints without action could result in too much friction and a uti - you don't want that.
Good to be prepared, but doesn't mean you have to use or do any of it, see how you feel at the time.