Urgh where to start.
My partner and I met online 12 years ago.
6 years ago we had our first child.
Things were great for the first year or 2 after having the baby, except I absolutely just didn’t want to have sex for about a year after, we finally did and then just infrequently. Over the years the sex ebbed and flowed.
We talked about having another child, didn’t really try too hard, then I stopped wanting kisses and cuddles at some point, then I start getting tired and so going to bed early and getting up early while he was getting up late and going to bed late.
Then BAM perimenopause! We’ve tried on and off for another baby for the last few years, but nothing and now I’m 44.
I just do not want sex, or cuddles or really anything, I’m content living in companionship.
he’s not.
except it’s not a content companionship as he says I tell him he does everything wrong, I mean I do, but he does do lots of things wrong
-doesn’t listen, may as well talk to myself
-disorganised, has to call my mum at short notice for child care as he forgot where he had to be while I’m at work
-to harsh with our kid 0 to 100 with nothing in between
- does zero housework but to be fair is the moan cook and does the washing up
Every few months this blows up and honestly, I can’t be arsed with it.
I’m So selfish and want him to just shut up and get on with life, but he wants intimacy - meaning sex.
He’s generally short tempered and can be a bit of a Victorian parent at times and cannot cope with the temperamental outbursts that 6 year olds have without being too harsh or going mental at them every time, but generally, he’s a great dad.
so today we ended up having one of those “what’s the point of us, I feel like your brother”
conversations, I can’t even remember how it ended, but we went about our day and then our kiddo had 2 meltdowns. We read her a story together, I fell asleep in her bed as usual, he woke me up and said he can’t cope with her behaviour, I tried to reassure him that all kids are like this. Then he turned the convo to “what are we going here, are you going to bed now (it’s 22.30)?” Yes I am, what’s the point. So I’m just sitting downstairs on my own every evening etc etc. which, to be fair he is, but he could come upstairs couldn’t he.
But I don’t know, I think he’s right that I don’t really want him to?! Not because it’s him, I just don’t want anyone. I think I’m also grieving not having more kids and I don’t talk to anyone about it’s not even him as I think he blames me for the lack of sex. I know he does.
anyway, he’s taken a bag and walked to his mums, so….what now?
I didn’t try and stop him, I didn’t say anything really.
i sent him a few come back messages. Sorry I’ve not shown you how much I care etc.
but I’m really not sure how much I do care.
i fiercely love our child and I’m not sure if it’s menopause but feel nothing about lots of things except the child.
I think I answered my own question ; yes I’m an arsehole. And yet, I don’t even really care, except for our daughterZ
now I feel the reason to fix this is for her, which is not right.
im also now angry at him for going to his mums and presumably telling her everything. I am NOT a sharer and she can’t keep her mouth closed about anything!! She told us all about his brothers relationship: their lack of sex and his MH problems even though we told her to stop.
So now I’m cross with him for that too!
Ive wishes him away many times over the years and probably don’t deserve him.
What’s wrong with me