Mine and my partners relationship is highly strained at the moment. My littler girl is super attached to me and he feels pushed out and depressed. I try to help and suggest things but he just gets annoyed at me and says I don’t get it.
I’ve been keeping a diary of things that he says which I think aren’t very nice:
- Says I’m too sensitive, I take everything to heart, not everything is about me or the world doesn’t revolve around me (when I ask if I’ve annoyed him) I just always feel like I’m to blame for his behaviour.
- Says that I can’t take no for an answer when I question something and brings it back to my childhood. Says I was “spoilt” and never told no as a child. Claims I still have tantrums as an adult.
- Asks me why I go on about the same thing, when I bring up how I’m feeling/ about our relationship. Says that it’s boring and do I have nothing else to talk about.
- Asks me why I haven’t left if the relationship is as bad as I make it out to be.
- Never ever compliments me, unless I say “do you think I look nice” or “does this look okay?”.
- When I ask for a photo of us he moans about it and says that he doesn’t like photos.
- Will never ever apologise for making me cry from insensitive comments. He says that he will apologise if he feels that he’s is the wrong. I can count on one hand when he’s actually apologised off his own back.
- Says that I’m difficult to live with because I blow hot and cold.
- Asks me if I ever sit back and think I’m the problem. When it comes to him, family and friends.
- Leaves all the weekend planning to me, anything I suggest he says is boring or we did it the weekend before. But then comes up with nothing himself.
- If I get emotional during an argument he says “stop feeling sorry for yourself” or “stop acting the victim”
- When I recall things that he has said in the past he says I twist his words to make me look better.
- Says that he has started hitting himself instead of retaliating to me
- Says that I play the victim and highlight all the bad things about him
He says that I shouldn’t tell people about our relationship as they don’t care and it’s nobody else’s business. I don’t tell people as I keep it to myself.
I would like to add that I’m not perfect. I have called him names in the past, I’ve shouted, swore and got angry. I just feel anything I do isn’t good enough.
I suggested relationship counselling but he said he would rather end the relationship than do counselling. I understand he’s feeling really down with the lack of affection from our little one, but I’m treading in egg shells constantly.
I feel so confused and question whether I’m the abusive one.