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Original poster

Given a choice, I wonder whether a lot of women would prefer to live on their ‘own’ whilst remaining in a relationship?

283 replies

BigButtons · 16/01/2024 07:09

Many of my friends ( marriages/ long term relationships now over) won’t countenance living with a partner again. They are happy to be in relationships but don’t want to share a house on a full time basis.
just wondering whether lots of women feel this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
BigButtons · 16/01/2024 09:06

My oh has pretty well always lived on his own and doesn’t make much mess. I am the messier person for sure and I think it would stress me out having so worry about whether I was pissing him off.

OP posts:
BlueGrey1 · 16/01/2024 09:07

@Penguinfeetteal

good for her, the cheek of him
Why would she want to be an unpaid nurse in her old age!

SamW98 · 16/01/2024 09:10

My XH was very tidy and did his fair share the domestic stuff so it’s nothing to do with running round after a man for me, it’s the peace and quiet and doing what I want when I want. And the fact that after work I can slump on the sofa watch what I want on tv and not have to talk if I choose not to that I absolutely love.

Oh and sleeping diagonally across my king size bed is bliss

vincettenoir · 16/01/2024 09:12

I'm can see the benefits. I could do without always collecting the cups that accumulate in the spare bedroom dh uses as an office and not having to hold on to a wee when he's in the bathroom for ages.

But then he does a lot of laundry and I like a snuggle.

I can see why this is getting traction. But this option is only really available to the rich or baby boomers who have paid off mortgages.

BlueGrey1 · 16/01/2024 09:17

I’m single and not against relationships but never want to live with a man full time, it would drive me mad and the relationship wouldn’t work, I own my own home and would expect him to have the same, I am used to having my space and have no intention of giving it up, If I lived with someone I would be stressed 24/7.

This isn’t really a criticism of men, it’s more the way that I am and what I’m used to now.

It would be interesting to hear men’s take on this and if they would also prefer to live separately

When I was in Uni 2 of our lectures were married but lived separately and I remember thinking even back then that I thought that would be the ideal situation, they lived together to raise their children and then got their own places

Bubbles254 · 16/01/2024 09:21

I dream of buying a plot of land in the country and building 2 houses, one for myself and one for DH with a few acres (and horses) in between.

emmylousings · 16/01/2024 09:23

That's me. Been with DP 16 years, live apart. Wouldn't have it any other way. The idea of sharing my home with anyone other than my DC just feels really claustrophobic. Perhaps if I had a massive house it would be ok, but I have an average sized semi!

SamW98 · 16/01/2024 09:24

vincettenoir · 16/01/2024 09:12

I'm can see the benefits. I could do without always collecting the cups that accumulate in the spare bedroom dh uses as an office and not having to hold on to a wee when he's in the bathroom for ages.

But then he does a lot of laundry and I like a snuggle.

I can see why this is getting traction. But this option is only really available to the rich or baby boomers who have paid off mortgages.

It’s not only for the rich. Many of us are divorced and been paying our own bills for years so we’re used to it.

BlueGrey1 · 16/01/2024 09:26

I always thought I was strange in thinking this way but this post has shown me that I’m not uncommon in my way of thinking at all and that most women seem to want to live separately to their partners…. I’m quite surprised by this

WishesPromises · 16/01/2024 09:29

I think houses need to be designed for dual living - you keep your dirty ways and your food clubs in your space and I'll have my own nice clean space.

Botanica · 16/01/2024 09:30

I am married with a young child and live just around the corner from my husband. Bought my own house a year ago and moved into my own separate space because it was either that or divorce. Living together in each other's pockets, along with WFH, was just too much.

FiveShelties · 16/01/2024 09:35

I definitely would not.

I wonder if it is more related to how much of an equal share of work is involved in the relationship. We are a partnership, we both do housework, cooking, looking after pet, garden, cars etc and neither of us would want it any other way.

I am sure we both drive each other mad on occasion though!

CrunchyCarrot · 16/01/2024 09:36

No, because both of us are people who like our own space and time alone, and we do this very effectively even though we live in the same (small) house. I'm actually delighted by this as when lockdown came around I did wonder how things would be, but they are great and he's still working from home now.

Hoolihan · 16/01/2024 09:37

I'm divorced and will never ever EVER live with a man ever again. I'm happily dating and enjoying the fun of it all but love my own space, making my own decisions and never having to discuss car insurance/blocked drains/loft insulation.

If it came to it in old age I'd sooner live with my girlfriends. We have a plan!

Mabelface · 16/01/2024 09:37

Been single for nearly 2 years, and it's 8 years since I lived with my ex husband. I cannot even begin to think about living with someone again. My sofa, remote control, money etc etc.

BlueGrey1 · 16/01/2024 09:37

@Botanica

Out of interest was it you or your DH that drove this decision, is he as happy as you are about it and does it mean that he gets out of a lot of childcare responsabilities

KCSIE · 16/01/2024 09:38

Whataretheodds · 16/01/2024 07:16

Makes sense if no kids!

Oh I absolutely would. And I have 2 kids 😂

DH goes away a lot with work and honestly everything is so much easier when he's not here. Even my 3yo tells him to put his rubbish in the bin and tells him to tidy up his whatever-it-is!

LaurieStrode · 16/01/2024 09:39

It's what I do. My SO is great, but no way do I want a shared household. I like my space.

KCSIE · 16/01/2024 09:39

Mabelface · 16/01/2024 09:37

Been single for nearly 2 years, and it's 8 years since I lived with my ex husband. I cannot even begin to think about living with someone again. My sofa, remote control, money etc etc.

And you know EXACTLY what's in the fridge / freezer!

MiracleMumm · 16/01/2024 09:40

I do. I originally moved out from my long term OH’s place in to my own about 6 years ago. We’d been having problems, and I wasn’t sure the relationship would survive. It gave us both the time and space to reset boundaries and things have worked out well. It sucks financially, but I think we’re both much happier. I should also point out that we’re both neurodivergent, so we tend to live life differently to other folks. I do miss some aspects of living together, but I have a lovely dog who provides all the love and cuddles I need when he’s not around!

MrsJellybee · 16/01/2024 09:40

It’s why the wealthy exist as far from each other as they can. Separate bedrooms, separate wings, separate homes.

TheSandHurtsMyFeelings · 16/01/2024 09:41

I love DH to bits and miss him when he's away (for more than a couple of days, I mean, not just whenever he leaves the house!)

But...if our marriage was to end for any reason I would definitely not live with another man, in fact I would probably not bother with a relationship at all. I was a single parent for years before I met DH and being on my own again would be absolutely fine. I value space, quiet and the freedom to do my own thing just as much as I value all the good stuff living with him brings.

LaurieStrode · 16/01/2024 09:43

PieAndLattes · 16/01/2024 07:28

I have this relationship - both previously married, both in our 50s. We have separate homes and spend 4 nights a week together - 2 at his then 2 at mine. And yes, it is perfect. Together very happily 8 years. I never want to get caught up in that mental load shit again. I don’t wash his socks and he doesn’t empty my bins (well, sometimes, but it not expected).

Same here. When we're together it's because we want to ve, not because we're stuck in some dreary mutual financial trap.

Aikko · 16/01/2024 09:45

Maybe a little side-tracked here, but imagine a world where we had AI robots that were so advanced they appeared lifelike - and almost indistinguishable from a real human. They could fulfil all of your sexual and emotional wants and needs, help with daily chores and give you space when you want it.

Perhaps a scary thought, but with continual advancements in technology, I think this is a real possibility in the decades/centuries to come, and likely to become extremely popular with many people.

Polis · 16/01/2024 09:53

I'm can see the benefits. I could do without always collecting the cups that accumulate in the spare bedroom dh uses as an office and not having to hold on to a wee when he's in the bathroom for ages

We have separate loos. Not in the bathroom.