Given a choice, I wonder whether a lot of women would prefer to live on their ‘own’ whilst remaining in a relationship?

[BigButtons]

Many of my friends ( marriages/ long term relationships now over) won’t countenance living with a partner again. They are happy to be in relationships but don’t want to share a house on a full time basis.
just wondering whether lots of women feel this way?

No, I like living with dp - the thing I missed the most when my marriage broke up was just being with someone on a weekday evening, sounds silly but it's companionship. I can go to places with others but I like company doing nothing.

I would never live with somebody again. I love my peaceful house, even with my ASD child. Life is so much calmer now. I like that I'm not cleaning up after some manchild (as was my life before). I'd never tangle finances again, I will never share my assets. A part time relationship might be nice but I don't even want that currently!

I've been with my DP 4 years and we have no plans to live together.

Sometimes I think it would be lovely, as I miss him when I don't see him. Then I spend more than 2 nights with him and want to go home. Not because he does anything horrible or wrong - I just need my own space. So I'm not sure living together would be good. Unless I win the lottery and can buy a house big enough to have our own rooms to retreat to!

There is a episode of Black Mirror called "Be Right Back” that i think you would enjoy. It does exactly this!

Well I’m in the minority 😂. But no! He’s my husband and my best friend. There’s no way I’d want to live separately.

That sounds quite nice.

I do get this. When my husband left I didn't sit on the sofa on my own for several years. I just couldn't bear it. I stopped watching the TV too. It just felt really lonely. Now I've found my feet and rebuilt my life, I'd be irritated with somebody on the sofa making noise and breathing 🤣

You are allowed to be disappointed that he doesn't want to live together. Just because it works for those of us on the thread doesn't mean it's the "right" way or the "new normal". This thread will bring out those of us who think not living together is ideal!

A.friend and I are both divorced with young teens. Both in long term relationships, mine about 18 months longer than hers. They have been living together 2.5 years and she cannot understand that I have no desire to live with my partner!

I miss the financial side of not having another adult with me. But everything else nope I like living without a partner.

Fuck no. I have a good experience, a DH who shares the household tasks and responsibilities. He's like a living angel compared to some of the horror stories my friends tell me about their men. All lovely, friendly, charming men on the surface, yet utter pigs in their own home. Selfish, lazy, grubby and thoughtless.

No thank you.

The happiest couple I know live apart. They’ve been together a number of years & both have children from previous marriages. They adore each other, they’re hilarious & it just works for them.

I’m single but if a man with a SOH of Ricky Gervais & a face of Vito just dropped into my life, I would definitely live separately. I love my little house & life as it is.

I think if you have the right partner, you'd love that unit. I have friends who love being in the same home. I had an abusive ex so I completely love the sanctity of my home without a man. But that's not to say I wonder how it would be with the right man!

Actually I think my preference would be to have my own space in a massive communal living arrangement. So the benefits of a big garden/roof terrace/open plan dining and entertaining space (which I can't afford where I am) with my own own bedroom, bathroom and escape space.

I loved how, before my partner and I moved in together, every weekend was like a mini break.

I wouldn't want to live apart from my partner, however we have a good balance of alone time as he likes gaming and I like reading, so a few hours here and there we just go off and do our own thing.

I agree that the more the load is shared between partners the easier it appears to be living together. And giving yourself some me time.
My DH does plenty cleaning and childcare and we both also have time alone in the house as I am a shift worker. I would hate to live apart.

Quite! And my chocolate stays in the fridge until I decide to eat it!

I have been married nearly 30 years. In my absolute ideal world I would live in the same luxury block of flats (somewhere looking over the Thames) as my husband but not the same flat.

Absolute no brainer. All my friends the same.

I watched ‘Safe’ on Netflix and Sophie lives in the house with her ex living in his caravan out the front. I’m trying to get DH to agree to this set up 😂

Divorced 13 years ago and been a single parent since. I can't imagine wanting to live with a man again. I've had a couple of long term relationships since but still not changed my mind. In fact my last relationship, I still got lumbered with a lot of mental load and expectations which caused me to feel resentful and ultimately led to the end of the relationship.

At the moment, I don't even want to date, never mind live with someone! I'm committed to being a cat lady 😂

I think the problem is I like my H but in small doses - and a lot of marriage and certainly holidays can mean you feel a distinct lack of space and a lot of compromising- and the compromising in our house does tend to be a bit all one way (his) it's very easy to drift through life and realise at some point that you are not quite on the same hymn sheet anymore- for instance although I'm 62 and he's 59 - I'm banned from using the words retirement or downsizing or anything remotely touching on that as he finds it all 'very depressing' and makes him 'feel old' - it's an absokute tabboo subject-

I left an abusive marriage and have since enjoyed living on my own.

Its pure bliss.

I’m a peace loving person, enjoy my own company and pottering about in my garden, reading books and my cats.I work full time too.

Ive been with my new dp for a couple of years and we live several miles apart … enough distance that we see each other only 2-3 times a month although we chat on the phone every day.
We are exclusive.We make plans to do something which involves our shared interests whenever we meet.

I’m happy for this arrangement and I thought dp was too but he’s been hinting at us getting “properly together”.
By this he means he moves in with me while renting out his place.

I have clearly told him it’s not happening but it doesn’t seem to stop him bringing it up every now and again.
Its almost certain that if we lived together the relationship would end very quickly.
He’s quite a noisy person in all aspects … even down to sneezing. Thankfully he doesn’t snore .

I’m going to go against the grain here and say I really like living with my husband on the whole. It’s the kids I’d like to give the boot! 🤣

I like sharing out the jobs - he does pull his weight though. and I like his company. Plus if he wasn’t here I’d only eat cheese on toast!

saying that, i do really enjoy the peace when he’s out for a night or two!

@SamW98 yes but difficult as that is that is simply not an option available to many people. For say, couples who are renting or couples who bought in the last 5 years, few would be able to split and run a household each on a single income. Many people would have to move in with rellies or rent a room in a shared flat or something.

Of course it is... I'm financially stretched and every month can be a bit hair-raising but I had no choice!

When relationships breakdown, two households are just how it has to work - I admire those who can co-habit with their Ex but for the vast majority of divorcees, there is no other option.. what a crazy statement?!