Given a choice, I wonder whether a lot of women would prefer to live on their ‘own’ whilst remaining in a relationship?

[BigButtons]

Many of my friends ( marriages/ long term relationships now over) won’t countenance living with a partner again. They are happy to be in relationships but don’t want to share a house on a full time basis.
just wondering whether lots of women feel this way?

Opposite in my case which does make me think the main issue we all have is our partners mess up our tranquil space.

@NP101, Yes, living together is hard. You both have to be patient, empathetic and suited.
I am getting on my wife's nerves at the moment, I can tell. SHe is having to put up with me. On the other hand, I gave her a massage when she asked in the middle of the night and cooked her breakfast in the morning. On MN, you would hear about an irritiated husband only.
Also, we are not bothered by our own mess as much and we have different standards. I had a conflict with a partner who did not do any significant amount of housework and left a mess everywhere, but got relly irritiated when I left the kitchen cupboard doors open. It is natural though, Tidying up after someone else is annoying in a way that leaving your own things lying around is not.

I am more chaotic than my OH. I am a let everything get messy and then tidy it all up person and he is fussy. I will have a gazillion tabs open on my phone then close them down at some point. He closes his straight away.
For me it isn’t about the mess- it’s about the headspace. I live with teens so am used to mess. The best evenings ever for me are when everyone is out of the house and I can sit completely by myself. I know no one will come and ask me something or disturb what I am watching.

I think this is important...he knows what he is like but doesn't want to work on himself.
It might be different if he did.

My ex partner didn't believe in counselling/therapy or anything other than good mental health....his way of dealing with things was just getting on with it and pretending everything was ok🙄

My ex husband had severe mental health problems and had no end of counselling, the problem is I don't think he was totally honest with the counsellors and so never addressed his issues or maybe he was honest but didn't want to do the work needed.

@SortingItOut, I confess, I was very skepical of relationship counselling. I was surprised when a few friends really pushed it. But their argument was it was nothing like the UK and the man was listened to equally. I think there is still a legacy from when the presumption was the man was to blame for everything. That had changed in Denmark and I assume also in the UK? (certainly, it seems to have changed on MN).
Mental health struggles are tough in a partner, and the reluctance to address them is part of what makes them stick. It can be horrible to live with and stigma makes it far, far worse.

@Sweden99 The counselling I refeered to that ny ex husband had was just his own counselling although we did at one point have relationship counselling.

I'm interested to understand more about this comment you made But their argument was it was nothing like the UK and the man was listened to equally

In the relationship counselling we had which was about 15 years ago the (female) therapist definitely listened to my husband more and I felt sided with him.
I think I went in to it with the wrong mindset but I did learn something from it so it wasn't totally a waste of time and money.

I certainly cannot offer any knowledgable opinion on the reality of it at all. I am sorry that you had a rough experience yourself. I am also really aware that my perspective is going to have my biases and I am sorry for that.
I would say my first marriage was having difficulty and the Englishmen I spoke to over here advised me that while relationship advice was focussed on correcting the man's actions making his see his fault, that in Denmark it would focus on both parties in a more equal fashion. Of course, it might be that this was warped by a small sample, it might also be that the counselling in the UK favours men and in Scandinvia it favours men even more. Either way, it is about the perception.
I would say my ex-wife felt it was unfair on here, there was a perception that as I did a job and she did not, that she should be doing the housework rather than it being my responsibility. Specifically, my wife's emotional labour was not considered regarding the housework.

Sorry, that is a lot of waffle and words for "I don't know".

@SortingItOut, I am interested you found it useful regardless. I certainly rethought my approach.