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Original poster

Why is ex husband angry all the time, yet he married OW?

367 replies

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:02

Ex husband left me for OW. Married her and had two more children. Needless to say, the end of a long marriage was painful in the extreme, but it was 7 years ago now and I'm totally out the other side and very happy with my life.
That said, the ex husband seems to be full of rage towards me for some weird reason, considering it was HE who had the affair and left the family. He makes snidey comments to our kids about me and if I bump into him in the local area, he literally grimaces and looks like he'd like to rip my head off!
What the hell could be going on?

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2023 20:36

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:13

New kids are toddlers. Our joint kids are adults.
THe new wife is extremely jealous from what I hear.
Just makes this shit for all of our family as it'd be so much easier just to be pleasant after all these years !

Of course she’s jealous. She knows how he cheated on you, and is probably terrified that history will repeat itself. She’ll have him on a very tight leash…..poor thing 🙂

mamacorn1 · 29/12/2023 20:38

I have exactly the same with my ex, who tells everyone how evil I am , despite the fact he cheated all through our relationship and ended up with the last one. I laugh at it now. I’m married with more kids and a happy, loving life. He is getting old, our dd no longer talks to him (she adult now) and he has cheated on the woman he left for multiple times. He is miserable and full of crap. I’d be full of anger if I was him- because let’s be fair, the truth hurts!

tachetastic · 29/12/2023 20:38

GodDammitCecil · 29/12/2023 19:25

Two toddlers at his age.

How absolutely delightful for him. 😇

This.

He is probably miserable in his new life, regretting leaving what he had and terrified that his new wife will leave him the way he did you.

Next time you see him I would make a point of thanking him for setting you on a path that you hadn't planned, but on which you are really happy, with an amazing relationship with your beautiful children and no pressure from a relationship. Wish him well.

Having lit the blue touchpaper, back away and do not return to the firework........

uclpp · 29/12/2023 20:38

Going back to having two toddlers when you have adult children is enough to drive most people demented.

ToWhitToWhoo · 29/12/2023 20:38

Could the OW be poisoning him about you? Or one of his other friends or relatives?

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2023 20:40

My guess is that he’s saddled himself with a woman who is so jealous and insecure she’s controlling his movements and checking on him constantly. I would also guess the reason is because she’s realised that if he was capable of cheating on you, then he’s capable of doing it to her too. You’ve got your life together and he’s reaping what he sowed. Karma’s a bitch !!

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 29/12/2023 20:42

WhatWouldAliciaDo · 29/12/2023 19:10

Ooh, that took a turn.
I would have said you look happy and well and he regrets all, but that sounds deeper.
Does new wife beat him up if he so much as looks at you?

Does new wife beat him up if he so much as looks at you?

this is what I am thinking

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 29/12/2023 20:44

A friend's Ex did the same thing. He blamed her for his affar and for the split even though she was willing to make it work and forgive him. All the bad stuff was her fault and he got screwed over in the divorce because he had to sell the family home. Apparently she was after his money, and despite her family giving a big deposit for the house it was all his hard work and money and she didn't deserve anything.....and so on. He is a bitter nasty little man who can't face the fact he messed up so everything is blamed on her. She's a lot happier and a couple years on very glad they're divorced. Unfortunately his poison is having a negative effect on their DC and on her relationship with one of them.

Awaanbileyirheid · 29/12/2023 20:44

Ah, we have this with DH's ex wife. So angry and jealous! She also cheated on him and left him holding the baby.
I met him 2 years later but she still tells lies that I destroyed their happy marriage, he left her for me, he cheated on her etc etc. For a while I got grief from idiots believing her.
She is jealous and regularly tries to get him back, involve him with her drama, suck him back in still. Texts that he's won and has everything she ever wanted.
My fave is she used to text on their wedding anniversary.

We're happily married, been together 12 years, have a DS and DH's daughter with ex wife lives FT with us. ExW too has more kids with the 'love of her life' and is tied down with having to parent these ones.
l used to dread meeting her or speaking to her but I'm a petty bitch and now I wave cheerfully and stop to chat as we need to be civil for the kids.

Honestly I feel sorry for her. To be that miserable all the time must be exhausting. The guilt from her actions has really fucked her up and alienated her DC with DH.
Move on and be happy!

NonPlayerCharacter · 29/12/2023 20:45

Lookingafteraplant · 29/12/2023 20:32

You just want us all to say he’s really unhappy and made a bad choice. Perhaps. Or perhaps he just really hates you 🤷🏼

The love of a good woman and the double blessing of two children by her should surely soothe such feelings.

Honeyroar · 29/12/2023 20:45

He is probably mad because he had to pay you X amount of money to get divorced and he and his new wife think you shouldn’t have had it. She’s probably bending his ear about it every time they can’t afford something for their kids. He probably thought he could walk away with everything, and she probably thought he’d be richer than he is!

MrsWhites · 29/12/2023 20:45

One of two things, either:

He hates that you aren’t rocking in a corner, unable to cope without him.

Or, he’s bigger at the financial impact divorcing presumably had on him - it’s easier for him to paint you as the bad guy than admit his own failings!

Probably a combination of both!

JaneAustensHeroine · 29/12/2023 20:46

I have a colleague who is in a similar situation to your husband. He has two small children with his affair partner (she wanted them). His life is restricted as a result, he is exhausted from the young children and he too is angry. He can’t do the hobbies he used to do (golf and cycling) as he is needed at home and their holidays are very child-centred. He occasionally says he gets no peace and quiet or time to himself. He was furious when he found out that his ex-wife had gone on holiday to a place he had always wanted to go. As a colleague I suggested that maybe he and his new wife could go in the future at which point he literally snarled and said “It wouldn’t be the same with the kids under my feet!” Life isn’t as rosy as he hoped and he is angry…really angry. And trapped.

Zanatdy · 29/12/2023 20:49

Oh just ignore him and laugh loud at the fact you’re free from the restrictions and fatigue of toddlers and he’s got 2 more. Hahaha. My brother remarried and had another baby in his late 40’s. He’s almost 50 and chasing round an 18 month old, not easy and he didn’t really want to do it all again, but his new wife wanted kids.

DNLove · 29/12/2023 20:49

VivaVivaa · 29/12/2023 20:25

Imagine getting to (presumably) your 50s with your health intact, financially okay, grown up kids and retirement on the horizon…then boom, someone hands your two toddlers.

I think I’d be screaming at random people in the supermarket as well tbh Grin

😂😂😂

justanothermanicmonday1 · 29/12/2023 20:49

squeekyturkey · 29/12/2023 20:05

That's your answer. He's knee deep in toddler chaos and you prob have a more care free life and he knows it. Anyone who goes back to nappies when their kids are grown are glutting. Maybe he's raging you didn't fight for him more 😭

This 🤣🤣🤣

Blinkityblonk · 29/12/2023 20:50

I know a relative like this. Happy as Larry when their ex-wife was living alone, feeling bad after the divorce, but very annoyed and rude when the wife got someone else, did their house up and is now very happy. They liked it when they held all the power.

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 29/12/2023 20:51

Syndulla · 29/12/2023 19:14

He has demonised you in his head to dampen down the feelings of guilt he has regarding his actions.

He can't be the guilty party because look how awful you are: That is what he is telling himself. He has convinced himself so successfully that this is true that he can't help act the way he does.

Hold your head up high OP and be glad you are free! He, on the other hand, is stuck in a prison of his own making.

This, 100%.

Sallyh87 · 29/12/2023 20:52

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:08

The other day I bumped into him in the supermarket. I said hello and when he turned to look at me, he immediately looked like he'd gone from 1-1000 in the rage department and literally spat the words 'JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!'
It was the most bizarre behavior and one I'd not seen in 22 years of our marriage.

This really made me laugh. Thank god you got away from him and whatever gremlin is running around his head.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 29/12/2023 20:53

JaneAustensHeroine · 29/12/2023 20:46

I have a colleague who is in a similar situation to your husband. He has two small children with his affair partner (she wanted them). His life is restricted as a result, he is exhausted from the young children and he too is angry. He can’t do the hobbies he used to do (golf and cycling) as he is needed at home and their holidays are very child-centred. He occasionally says he gets no peace and quiet or time to himself. He was furious when he found out that his ex-wife had gone on holiday to a place he had always wanted to go. As a colleague I suggested that maybe he and his new wife could go in the future at which point he literally snarled and said “It wouldn’t be the same with the kids under my feet!” Life isn’t as rosy as he hoped and he is angry…really angry. And trapped.

He can’t do the hobbies he used to do (golf and cycling) as he is needed at home
I did laugh at this bit.

ollypollymolly · 29/12/2023 20:54

@Workworkandmoreworknow

this Is perfect and so true !

My ex is the same. In my opinion, people who have affairs are looking to get away from some thing that they mistakenly believe is their spouse. Reality is they are the problem, and the problem therefore just moves with them.

yes - if you are in a relationship and unhappy then a decent person works on the relationship and if it doesn’t work then leaves. No one else involved.
the emotionally immature try to avoid the ‘work’ of fixing or breaking up. But end up stuck.

not in all cases - but in some

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/12/2023 20:55

My ex is the same. In my opinion, people who have affairs are looking to get away from some thing that they mistakenly believe is their spouse. Reality is they are the problem, and the problem therefore just moves with them

As the saying goes -'wherever you go, there you are.'

Parentofeanda · 29/12/2023 20:55

Id be mad at you as well OP, How dare you get to just live your life and enjoy it now that your children are older when he has to now handle two babies again!! How dare he not be able to just enjoy the OW without more kids coming into it!

Poor guy, after thinking the grass was greener as well, maybe he just wants to be living his life as well!

PrestonHood121 · 29/12/2023 20:57

You can enjoy the freedoms that having older kids brings while he is still in the thick of it

AutumnBride · 29/12/2023 20:57

My exH couldn't handle me not falling apart when he left for his OW, he was furious when I picked myself up and started to focus on the practicalities of getting divorced, I genuinely think he wanted me to stand outside his work sobbing and generally making a spectacular of myself.

His life has been one shambles after another and he's extremely bitter about it, despite being the sole architect of his misfortune. I suspect the OPs exH is similarly bitter about where he's ended up.