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Original poster

Why is ex husband angry all the time, yet he married OW?

367 replies

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:02

Ex husband left me for OW. Married her and had two more children. Needless to say, the end of a long marriage was painful in the extreme, but it was 7 years ago now and I'm totally out the other side and very happy with my life.
That said, the ex husband seems to be full of rage towards me for some weird reason, considering it was HE who had the affair and left the family. He makes snidey comments to our kids about me and if I bump into him in the local area, he literally grimaces and looks like he'd like to rip my head off!
What the hell could be going on?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 29/12/2023 21:44

GodDammitCecil · 29/12/2023 19:25

Two toddlers at his age.

How absolutely delightful for him. 😇

I'm sure he deserves all he gets. 😂😂😂

DuckyShincracker · 29/12/2023 21:45

Snap! Mine is mental when it comes to me 9 years later. My take on it is this. He had an affair which he swore he would never do. This was because his Dad made his Mum's life hell with affairs. I think my ex needed to make me out to be a really bad person in his head to excuse his behaviour. Cognitive dissonance is the fancy term. So the amount of hatred displaced to you is hatred for himself really. Quite sad if like me there are kid's involved. As he's been absolutely vile to his own kids as his hatred for me has frankly poisoned him.

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 29/12/2023 21:52

Mine is moving in with his new gf. He's miserable as sin and I'm smug as anything. Ow didn't work out even though he gave it 7 years of misery and two more kids. I hear he's had the snip now but it´s a shame the hospital didn't castrate him instead. Now he's onto number 4 and looks more gaunt, more cadaver-like and more scruffy and more miserable than ever. They don't like it up 'em OP! They need to be adored and needed and your ex has failed in making you regret not being with him.

Lemonfoxtrot · 29/12/2023 21:56

Its the doubling down thing.

My ex is exactly the same after cheating plus being an abusive dick. completely turned it around and told everyone that I was the one who cheated.

years later, he is still really bitter and angry. Anytime we meet ( handover of kids/ school events etc) I am friendly and make polite chit chat while he scowls, sulks and gives one word answers. I love it. 😉

ManateeFair · 29/12/2023 21:57

He’s a massive arsehole who feels guilty.

Lemonfoxtrot · 29/12/2023 21:58

DuckyShincracker · 29/12/2023 21:45

Snap! Mine is mental when it comes to me 9 years later. My take on it is this. He had an affair which he swore he would never do. This was because his Dad made his Mum's life hell with affairs. I think my ex needed to make me out to be a really bad person in his head to excuse his behaviour. Cognitive dissonance is the fancy term. So the amount of hatred displaced to you is hatred for himself really. Quite sad if like me there are kid's involved. As he's been absolutely vile to his own kids as his hatred for me has frankly poisoned him.

This is exactly it. It’s a really common phenomenon, OP.

Onlinetherapist · 29/12/2023 22:05

@pinkslippers2023 you are the baddie of course. That’s why he had to leave, not because he met someone ‘better’. He left because you were so awful to him, that’s why he’s still angry! He has to treat you as if you are awful anyway. Because why would he have left you otherwise? He is controlling the narrative that he is the good guy, and this behaviour fits it perfectly. The reason you are confused is because you know the truth of the situation and his behaviour doesn’t make sense within that context.

Mywhoopdeedoo · 29/12/2023 22:06

Fuck him, what a cunt

TrashedSofa · 29/12/2023 22:06

Bet he's fucking knackered.

SauronsArsehole · 29/12/2023 22:07

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:13

New kids are toddlers. Our joint kids are adults.
THe new wife is extremely jealous from what I hear.
Just makes this shit for all of our family as it'd be so much easier just to be pleasant after all these years !

I’m guessing you’re both late 40s early 50s?

just laugh inside OP.

he decided to swap for a possibly younger, unattached woman and didn’t think she’d want everything he gave to you? Kids marriage etc? That’s where her jealousy comes from.

he’s gotten the life she promised.

and you have the life he envisioned.

It’s not guilt. If it were guilt he wouldn’t be as angry. There would be some remorse. He himself is jealous and bitter he threw away what could’ve been an enviable middle age.

Ramalangadingdong · 29/12/2023 22:08

Hahaha! The bastard’s life is a living hell. That bitch Karma is giving him what’s for. Hahahaha!

Wintersgirl · 29/12/2023 22:10

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 29/12/2023 19:10

Secretly he'd like you to be pining for him still. Pining and yet somehow gaining ten stone and being all evil harridan, to justify he decision to have the affair and leave you. You continuing to look human, to behave nicely towards him and be polite and fabulous is causing him cognitive dissonance.

Yep, I bet it's this...he's angry at you because you're not behaving in the way he wanted you to, you've moved on, are happy and he can't STAND it, thank fuck he's an ex.

ChanelNo19EDT · 29/12/2023 22:11

My x similar, I left him because he didn't hide his disrespect, but he has thrown all of his weight behind hating me since I left him. If I was so worthy of bring hated, why is he not relieved I left. He wanted me to stay; being hated

OwlWeiwei · 29/12/2023 22:12

I've noticed some men - lots of men - find it impossible to take responsibility for breaking up a family and reneging on marriage vows and the only way they can cope with what they have done is to demonise the ex wife. Turn her into spawn of Satan in their minds, so they don't have to acknowledge their own shoddy morals and actions. Is he one of this kind?

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 29/12/2023 22:16

VivaVivaa · 29/12/2023 20:25

Imagine getting to (presumably) your 50s with your health intact, financially okay, grown up kids and retirement on the horizon…then boom, someone hands your two toddlers.

I think I’d be screaming at random people in the supermarket as well tbh Grin

Snort. So true - can't imagine anything worse in my 50's!!

Tontostitis · 29/12/2023 22:19

My ex tells people I left him and took all his money and now can't afford to retire. He also tells people he bought my house for me. We broke up due to his drinking and drug taking and I was homeless with 2 children I scraped a life back together by working my arse off. Its been 30 years and I am still astounded by the stuff he says. He's been married 4 times. Knob.

Brynandwin · 29/12/2023 22:23

I see these men all the time, I’m sure everyone else does too. Thought the grass was greener, has new young family in middle age, looks permanently harassed and skint. Ex wife inevitably looks amazing, and has her shit together .

feelingfree17 · 29/12/2023 22:24

He’s not a happy man is he. Clearly regrets his affair and hates the fact you have built a good life.

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:24

Talk about hearing one side of the story!

DH’s ex hates me and I wasn’t even OW, she just treated me like it. She also claims to be so over him but never stops complaining years later. Sounds a bit like you OP!

If you’re genuinely so over it why are you still bothered? Move on.

HamBone · 29/12/2023 22:31

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:24

Talk about hearing one side of the story!

DH’s ex hates me and I wasn’t even OW, she just treated me like it. She also claims to be so over him but never stops complaining years later. Sounds a bit like you OP!

If you’re genuinely so over it why are you still bothered? Move on.

@Hatenewyear Eh? I think you’ve misread her post. The OP says that I'm totally out the other side and very happy with my life.
That said, the ex husband seems to be full of rage towards me for some weird reason…

Her ex, who had an affair and left, is angry with HER and she can’t understand why, as she’s over him and would like to be on friendly terms.

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 29/12/2023 22:35

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:24

Talk about hearing one side of the story!

DH’s ex hates me and I wasn’t even OW, she just treated me like it. She also claims to be so over him but never stops complaining years later. Sounds a bit like you OP!

If you’re genuinely so over it why are you still bothered? Move on.

Not projecting at ALL are we? Confused

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:36

@HamBone
no I didn’t misread or misunderstand OP. If OP is so over her ex why is she still posting about him?

wronginalltherightways · 29/12/2023 22:37

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:13

New kids are toddlers. Our joint kids are adults.
THe new wife is extremely jealous from what I hear.
Just makes this shit for all of our family as it'd be so much easier just to be pleasant after all these years !

He made a massive mistake, entirely of his own poor choices, and now you're out the other side and happy. Your children are adults and you have a happy new life of your own ... while he's back doing the slog that comes with small children with a jealous wife who knows she's married a cheater, so probably tries to keep him on a short leash.

He hates you for having the life he probably wishes he had at this stage of his life.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 29/12/2023 22:37

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:24

Talk about hearing one side of the story!

DH’s ex hates me and I wasn’t even OW, she just treated me like it. She also claims to be so over him but never stops complaining years later. Sounds a bit like you OP!

If you’re genuinely so over it why are you still bothered? Move on.

😂😂😂

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 29/12/2023 22:39

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:36

@HamBone
no I didn’t misread or misunderstand OP. If OP is so over her ex why is she still posting about him?

She posted about an angry loser who got aggressive with her after she was polite in public. He is the one who is unhappy. Like many an ex husband…