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Original poster

Why is ex husband angry all the time, yet he married OW?

367 replies

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:02

Ex husband left me for OW. Married her and had two more children. Needless to say, the end of a long marriage was painful in the extreme, but it was 7 years ago now and I'm totally out the other side and very happy with my life.
That said, the ex husband seems to be full of rage towards me for some weird reason, considering it was HE who had the affair and left the family. He makes snidey comments to our kids about me and if I bump into him in the local area, he literally grimaces and looks like he'd like to rip my head off!
What the hell could be going on?

OP posts:
FiddleLeaf · 30/12/2023 20:18

It’s his shame. Pure & simple.

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/12/2023 20:41

OhamIreally · 30/12/2023 19:20

OP I've been reading this thread whilst re-watching Wolf Hall. Ann Boleyn has just miscarried their second child. Henry has just turned to Cromwell and said "it's Katherine I blame".

I now need to re-read this. I was thinking about it last night, but read a bit of my Christmas book instead, but no - I need a Wolf Hall fix.

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 30/12/2023 20:50

FiddleLeaf · 30/12/2023 20:18

It’s his shame. Pure & simple.

That's a very old fashioned way of putting it, but I think you're right

AnneElliott · 30/12/2023 21:38

Ha ha - love these responses. Very similar to my friends ex - it has to be her fault that he had the affair and left her.

Plus the new wife knows he's a cheat and a liar so keeps him under tight restrictions. He's not allowed to be nice to his ex wife or buy the kids anything, so he can only do it when she goes away for work. They can always tell when this happens.

He originally loved life with new woman but then they had the kid. And his life now revolves around kiddy stuff whereas my friend has her life back.

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/12/2023 22:07

@pinkslippers2023 Thanks for this thread, it's been very cathartic! I hope it has for you too!

@Emotionalsupportviper Thank you so much for your kind words, I appreciate it. That's a tiny snapshot of the horrors but my goodness it really did hurt at the time.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 30/12/2023 22:29

CanImakethisbetter · 30/12/2023 19:13

How does someone clean someone out in a divorce?

Do you mean the Op may have got what she was legally entitled to?

Show quote history

It matters not whether she was entitled or not. If he perceives it that way, and she's aware that's his perception, then she already knows why he's angry...

Maybe she cleaned him out in the divorce...
Maybe she made it difficult with the DC...

... according to him.

It's unlikely, in the last 7 years, that OP has no idea why he has issue with her.

CanImakethisbetter · 30/12/2023 22:38

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 30/12/2023 22:29

It matters not whether she was entitled or not. If he perceives it that way, and she's aware that's his perception, then she already knows why he's angry...

Maybe she cleaned him out in the divorce...
Maybe she made it difficult with the DC...

... according to him.

It's unlikely, in the last 7 years, that OP has no idea why he has issue with her.

Show quote history

If she got more than ‘she deserved’, in his opinion, then Op didn’t do anything to get that reaction, as you suggested.

You asked ‘taken him to the cleaners, perhaps?’ and asked if she anticipated and enjoyed the reaction.

If he perceives he was taken to the cleaners, that still unseasonable anger and if he feels like that after 7 years, it’s not because the Op.

If he perceives she was difficult with the DC or anything, That still doesn’t mean op did anything or knew he woodcraft like that or said hello expecting that reaction to enjoy it.

Many people feel they have been taken to the cleaners. That doesn’t mean the other party did anything wrong.

He is an adult and capable of controlling his own emotions. If after 7 years he still has such anger, that Op got what she was legally entitled to then he needs to grow and go get therapy.

So sick of men’s aggressive emotional responses being met with ‘a woman probably did something to cause it’ or ‘he might have thought a woman did something he didn’t like’ Boo fucking hoo.

His emotional reaction was his alone.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 30/12/2023 22:48

GodDammitCecil · 30/12/2023 19:30

Slinking past him, or back tracking down the aisle, hoping he doesn’t see you would be way (way) weirder!

Show quote history

Because that's the only way you can not approach someone and talk to them when they haven't seen you?

His choice of words were interesting. "Get away from me.". Not "go away" or just blanking OP. That's the response I would give to my ex, in a kind of fear/anger response. A kind of "you don't get to come anywhere near me after what you did" response mixed with panic.

I think one of several things:

Either the wife was nearby and he wanted OP away from him fast.

He was (rightly or wrongly) anticipating OP attempting small talk/starting to make jibes about "how's life with nappies suiting you" and was more politely phrasing "piss off I don't want to hear your smug comments" before that even started. (And given the in house joke about Peppa Pig, I think this is fairly likely)

There's a genuine reason for his hatred. 7 years on is a long time to be this knee jerk mad at someone, for supposedly absolutely no reason at all.

The man's a dick, there's no doubt about that. And I feel zero sympathy for him. But I think OP knows a lot more than she's portraying about why that was the response.

NonPlayerCharacter · 31/12/2023 08:29

(And given the in house joke about Peppa Pig, I think this is fairly likely)

He fucked off his child's graduation to go to Peppa Pig World with his second family with the woman he cheated with, so he's an idiot if he thinks he doesn't deserve to be the butt of jokes like that.

2024IWillBeNurturingMe · 31/12/2023 10:33

"Get away from me"

I think the OP has caught him at a peak stressamundo moment. I had a moment like this the other day when I was really stressed out, and then something else happened and I lost it.

I really do think you have caught him at a; small DC are playing up, I have a house full of in-laws from overseas staying for 3 weeks, I've had no sleep, I've just been to Lapland UK and everyone thought I was the DC's grandad, my credit card is on life support, now I have to do the f'ing shopping.......and then to top it all his exW is at the supermarket looking relaxed and great.

I don't think it is personal. He's a man, so he's never going to blame himself, always the women in his life.

You can't control how he is with your DC. Turning up to important events, being their dad. You can only control how you are with your DC. Try to be indifferent to him, don't let him take up any of your energy. He's not your problem and his issues are of his own doing. You reap what you sow.

IncompleteSenten · 31/12/2023 10:37

He can either be the sack of shit who had an affair and broke your heart or you can be the evil woman who drove him away against his will.

People generally like to see themselves as the good guy in their life story.

Which means they need a villain 🤷

Lemonfoxtrot · 31/12/2023 11:21

Hatenewyear · 30/12/2023 19:24

You've quoted me in an attack of the OW despite my post clearly saying I was not. I have no reason to lie to strangers on an anonymous forum.

So you can tell who the OW are can you? Not in this case or is your smug first wife status hindering your ability to read?

Very “amusing”!

Show quote history

No - you aren’t the OW. And yes, sometimes the first wife might not be perfect. I am very sorry if I lumped you in with the OW on this thread ( and tbh, I tend not to blame them it’s the x - DH’s who broke up his marriage). But your response is of the same style as many of the OW, which makes me wonder.

Your attack on the OP suggests you are the one with the inability to read. Your conclusion about the OP is a massive reach based on nothing the OP said. It says more about you, I’m afraid, than the OP.

As this thread indicates, there’s a pattern of behaviour that this type of man exhibits. Of the many divorced people I know, women tend to be more accepting of it, while men tend to struggle.

jeffuk2015 · 31/12/2023 13:04

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2023 03:15

Real men? What are all those perambulating assholes acting out all over the place, fake men?

Show quote history

Not sure what answer you're expecting besides a resounding yes?

pikkumyy77 · 31/12/2023 14:33

jeffuk2015 · 31/12/2023 13:04

Not sure what answer you're expecting besides a resounding yes?

Show quote history

If the center of the bell curve is composed of X kind of men then they are the real ones.

RantyAnty · 31/12/2023 17:44

pinkslippers2023 · 30/12/2023 11:09

New wife is 19 years younger and from Asia. Newish to the UK.

He is a walking sad cliche isn't he! 😂

TrashedSofa · 31/12/2023 18:40

NonPlayerCharacter · 31/12/2023 08:29

(And given the in house joke about Peppa Pig, I think this is fairly likely)

He fucked off his child's graduation to go to Peppa Pig World with his second family with the woman he cheated with, so he's an idiot if he thinks he doesn't deserve to be the butt of jokes like that.

Yes, getting the piss ripped is getting off pretty easily!

GodDammitCecil · 31/12/2023 21:27

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 30/12/2023 22:48

Because that's the only way you can not approach someone and talk to them when they haven't seen you?

His choice of words were interesting. "Get away from me.". Not "go away" or just blanking OP. That's the response I would give to my ex, in a kind of fear/anger response. A kind of "you don't get to come anywhere near me after what you did" response mixed with panic.

I think one of several things:

Either the wife was nearby and he wanted OP away from him fast.

He was (rightly or wrongly) anticipating OP attempting small talk/starting to make jibes about "how's life with nappies suiting you" and was more politely phrasing "piss off I don't want to hear your smug comments" before that even started. (And given the in house joke about Peppa Pig, I think this is fairly likely)

There's a genuine reason for his hatred. 7 years on is a long time to be this knee jerk mad at someone, for supposedly absolutely no reason at all.

The man's a dick, there's no doubt about that. And I feel zero sympathy for him. But I think OP knows a lot more than she's portraying about why that was the response.

Show quote history

If you see your ex - or indeed anyone you know - in the supermarket aisle, and do anything other than approach them to say ‘hi’, you’re weird.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 31/12/2023 21:36

GodDammitCecil · 31/12/2023 21:27

If you see your ex - or indeed anyone you know - in the supermarket aisle, and do anything other than approach them to say ‘hi’, you’re weird.

Show quote history

Well, that's not just true.

GodDammitCecil · 31/12/2023 22:39

Well, you do you @WillYouPutYourCoatOn - but the OP did nothing wrong by acting like a grown-up human and saying hello to the father of her children in the supermarket aisle.

tachetastic · 04/01/2024 23:35

@pinkslippers2023 Ex is 56. Kids are 27,25,5 and 2 !

Hahahahaa, hahahaaahaahaa, hahhahahaha, hahahaaaaaaa!

I felt sorry for you before this.

Firefly2009 · 04/01/2024 23:53

If anyone spoke like that in public to me "GET AWAY FROM ME" in an angry tone, I would immediately ask them what on earth their problem was. I'd be curious to know. "Why? Has something happened?"

But seeing as the children are adults now, presumably it doesn't really matter any more. You don't have to deal with him unless one of the DCs get married one day and they're invited.

It's a shame you live so close that you run into him in a shop! I live in the same town as my ex and I've seen him about twice in 20 years. You had a lucky escape, obviously.

Snowdogsmitten · 05/01/2024 00:00

I imagine his jealous wife and the young children were nearby and he panicked. Or he’s a rude and angry shit-for-brains. Or perhaps more likely, both.

Either way, his misery is hilarious.

declutteringmymind · 05/01/2024 02:12

He's obviously used to having his cake and eating it. He must be loving it. 2 women competing for him. Sounds like a right catch.

declutteringmymind · 05/01/2024 02:13

Wrong thread sorry

Lex345 · 05/01/2024 06:18

Oh dear, hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it!

Aside from the fact he was in the supermarket (I can understand the rage at this to be fair-did he ever have to do the shopping when you were together?), you remind him of what his life could have been if he hadn't let his dick decide for him.

Its not necessarily because he doesn't love his new wife/enjoy his new children-but you literally now represent all the things that the OW once did-and vice versa. All the things he left for-he now sees they are left behind with you and all the mundane aspects of family life his affair and OW offered an "escape" from are again his reality. He will probably feel duped, cheated and pretty fucking ridiculous. He will know how people will think of him. He knows people will look at his decisions (2 under 5s at 56 😂) and laugh and pity him at the same time. He probably feels embarassed at how stupid his choices look to everyone else.

And to top that all off, he has to go to Peppa Pig world.

Fuck me, I almost feel sorry for him.