Page 15 | Why is ex husband angry all the time, yet he married OW?

pinkslippers2023 · 2023-12-29T19:02:27+00:00

Ex husband left me for OW. Married her and had two more children. Needless to say, the end of a long marriage was painful in the extreme, but it was 7 years ago now and I'm totally out the other side and very happy with my life. That said, the ex husband seems to be full of rage towards me for some weird reason, considering it was HE who had the affair and left the family. He makes snidey comments to our kids about me and if I bump into him in the local area, he literally grimaces and looks like he'd like to rip my head off! What the hell could be going on?

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 05/01/2024 20:56

Lex345 · 05/01/2024 06:18

Oh dear, hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it!

Aside from the fact he was in the supermarket (I can understand the rage at this to be fair-did he ever have to do the shopping when you were together?), you remind him of what his life could have been if he hadn't let his dick decide for him.

Its not necessarily because he doesn't love his new wife/enjoy his new children-but you literally now represent all the things that the OW once did-and vice versa. All the things he left for-he now sees they are left behind with you and all the mundane aspects of family life his affair and OW offered an "escape" from are again his reality. He will probably feel duped, cheated and pretty fucking ridiculous. He will know how people will think of him. He knows people will look at his decisions (2 under 5s at 56 😂) and laugh and pity him at the same time. He probably feels embarassed at how stupid his choices look to everyone else.

And to top that all off, he has to go to Peppa Pig world.

Fuck me, I almost feel sorry for him.

That‘s so true. Life with the ow was fun and carefree. Life with a wife and family is predictable. He didnt have the sense to realise life with his wife when the children were adults would be fun and carefree.

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 05/01/2024 23:05

Lemonfoxtrot · 30/12/2023 17:21

@Usernamechange1234 its very reassuring to know they live to regret it. (I have an ex just like this, so perhaps I’m projecting the other way, tbf!)

reminds me of a single mum I knew who was also a GP. She said she would often see these blokes turn up with new partner for a vasectomy reversal. They looked like they were going to the gallows…she made sure she did everything she could to help!

Haha I hope some of those vasectomies featured a strong tug on the bollocks just to make sure

Justanothercatlady · 11/01/2024 18:42

You can imagine the grown up children giving Peppa Pig themed birthday cards for dad every year…since he loves it so much

PinkCandles · 11/01/2024 20:42

Lex345 · 05/01/2024 06:18

Oh dear, hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it!

Aside from the fact he was in the supermarket (I can understand the rage at this to be fair-did he ever have to do the shopping when you were together?), you remind him of what his life could have been if he hadn't let his dick decide for him.

Its not necessarily because he doesn't love his new wife/enjoy his new children-but you literally now represent all the things that the OW once did-and vice versa. All the things he left for-he now sees they are left behind with you and all the mundane aspects of family life his affair and OW offered an "escape" from are again his reality. He will probably feel duped, cheated and pretty fucking ridiculous. He will know how people will think of him. He knows people will look at his decisions (2 under 5s at 56 😂) and laugh and pity him at the same time. He probably feels embarassed at how stupid his choices look to everyone else.

And to top that all off, he has to go to Peppa Pig world.

Fuck me, I almost feel sorry for him.

Well put.

sonicmum2002 · 11/01/2024 20:51

There's some posts on chumplady.com on this very phenomen, which seems VERY common - like this one. https://www.chumplady.com/he-doesnt-hoover-he-rages/.

Sound familiar??

He Doesn't Hoover, He Rages

Her ex cheated and left for his affair partner -- so why does he still rage at her?

https://www.chumplady.com/he-doesnt-hoover-he-rages

socialdilemmawhattodo · 11/01/2024 21:10

hatesloudchewers · 29/12/2023 19:10

He knows he’s a shitty person but can’t accept it so he directs his vileness outwards instead of at himself for cheating on his wife and leaving his kids. He’s probably fecking FUMING you didn’t fall to pieces without him. It makes him realise you didn’t need him and he’s not the prime catch he had convinced himself he was when the OW was falling over herself to rummage in his pants (that you used to wash but now she has to 😂)

Oh yes this! OP my ex does the same. The hatred towards me is extraordinary. He shagged some tart from the office when my DC was 5. Over 12 years ago. He and she still bitch to DC about me. Luckily DC and I laugh about it. It is awful. But she is welcome to him, his underpants & his porn habit!

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/01/2024 22:25

sonicmum2002 · 11/01/2024 20:51

There's some posts on chumplady.com on this very phenomen, which seems VERY common - like this one. https://www.chumplady.com/he-doesnt-hoover-he-rages/.

Sound familiar??

Love Chump Lady. Her book was my saviour when I was going through my ex leaving for OW. She's fabulous and ALWAYS right!

sonicmum2002 · 11/01/2024 22:30

Yeah, she's great! She had a fab AMA on cheating on YouTube, and Leave a Cheater Gain a Life book is priceless. Hope you've come through this @TheFormidableMrsC and have built a great new life. xxx

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/01/2024 22:34

sonicmum2002 · 11/01/2024 22:30

Yeah, she's great! She had a fab AMA on cheating on YouTube, and Leave a Cheater Gain a Life book is priceless. Hope you've come through this @TheFormidableMrsC and have built a great new life. xxx

It's been 10 years, I am permanently scarred but my story was a "you couldn't write it" situation. However, the kids and I are happy and a huge amount of therapy has helped a lot. That book is one I will treasure forever! Thank you for your kind words.

NonPlayerCharacter · 11/01/2024 22:36

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/01/2024 22:34

It's been 10 years, I am permanently scarred but my story was a "you couldn't write it" situation. However, the kids and I are happy and a huge amount of therapy has helped a lot. That book is one I will treasure forever! Thank you for your kind words.

Show quote history

I know your story and I think you should write it. Bloody hell woman, how are you so invincible???

Copperoliverbear · 11/01/2024 22:53

He knows he's majorly fucked, instead of having a nice easy quiet life he's gone back to chaos, next time you see him don't even speak, smile like a Cheshire Cat and walk on xxxx

CruCru · 12/01/2024 07:25

sonicmum2002 · 11/01/2024 20:51

There's some posts on chumplady.com on this very phenomen, which seems VERY common - like this one. https://www.chumplady.com/he-doesnt-hoover-he-rages/.

Sound familiar??

I liked this very much.

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/01/2024 11:39

@NonPlayerCharacter I'm really not 🤪. In bits and pieces largely. However, I may write a book one day!

SaucepanRattle · 12/01/2024 12:03

sonicmum2002 · 11/01/2024 20:51

There's some posts on chumplady.com on this very phenomen, which seems VERY common - like this one. https://www.chumplady.com/he-doesnt-hoover-he-rages/.

Sound familiar??

I wish I knew about chumplady when my BF was going through this. Her insight is incredible just on that one post.

Mirabai · 12/01/2024 12:21

CruCru · 12/01/2024 07:25

I liked this very much.

Show quote history

If You Didn’t Want to Go to Chicago, Why’d You Get on the Train?

😂

Mumsnut · 12/01/2024 12:35

OP, please tell me your trolley contained champagne, lube, and nothing else.

cerisewhine · 12/01/2024 13:27

I wouldn't say it's because he regrets leaving the marriage, more that he regrets the situation he's now in and OP is the obvious but illogical target.

I left my ex and he went on to have another child with his new partner who is a lot younger than him. He's 59 this year and has a 5 year old with behavioural problems who isn't in mainstream primary. I'm told that the child is extremely challenging. I've no contact with my ex given our kids are adults now. They see him infrequently but tell me he's constantly in a rage.