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Original poster

SIL caused argument

28 replies

user200391001 · 21/10/2023 15:14

Have just spent a few days away with my brother, SIL and 2 nieces. I stayed in the hotel that my SIL works at.
Yesterday my brother, nieces and myself were due to spend the day together. We popped out in the morning and then I needed to go back to the hotel to pick something up I had forgotten.
Whilst my brother parked the car up I went into the hotel with my nieces and my SIL was in the reception. We stopped for a chat and I said to my nieces are you staying down here in reception (meaning with their dad who was on his way in) or are you coming to the room with me which they did.
When brother came into the hotel SIL told him I had told the girls to stay with their mum whilst I went to the room. My brother got angry and said how could I be so stupid leaving the girls with their mum whilst she was working. I explained I didn't understand, I hadn't said that and that they came with me to the room.
I was so upset that SIL lied and the way my brother reacted. I was due to spend time with them today but told my brother it would be best if we didn't meet.

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 21/10/2023 15:16

What a cow. No need to lie! I hope you're okay x

Mari9999 · 21/10/2023 15:29

@user200391001
It seems like a mix up that was blown completely out of proportion. A simple explanation should have sufficed.

LeefsPrings · 21/10/2023 15:31

(meaning with their dad who was on his way in)

You might have meant that, but it's not what you said, so your SIL probably misunderstood. Your brother then took what she said the wrong way and had a go at you. I mean, how very dare you expect your nieces to be looked after by their own father?!

You don't have a SIL problem, you have a brother problem.

Awrite · 21/10/2023 15:31

More like a misunderstanding than an outright lie.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 21/10/2023 15:33

How old are the nieces?

if 12+ I think it reasonable to assume that they’d wait on dad alone

if under 12 mum reasonable to think you were leaving them with her

sounds like miscommunication more than anything

Soapboxqueen · 21/10/2023 15:34

I think it's more likely that when you suggested they stayed in reception, your SIL thought you meant with her.

Depending on the ages of your nieces it wouldn't be appropriate to leave them in reception to wait for their dad. You'd have to wait with them so implying they would wait in reception while you went to your room (without waiting for dad) would mean working SIL would have to watch them.

However your brother's reaction is ridiculous considering they went with you anyway.

Tell him to wind his neck in.

UnevenBalance · 21/10/2023 15:57

Well the SIL was wrong to only relay one part of what happened.
And your brother was wrong to blow up like that knowing the dcs never stayed with their mum.

Both in the wrong Imo.

UnevenBalance · 21/10/2023 15:58

Awrite · 21/10/2023 15:31

More like a misunderstanding than an outright lie.

Lie by omission seeing the SIL didn’t say the dcs went with the OP into the room?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2023 15:59

She misunderstood. He overreacted.

Not a SIL problem.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/10/2023 16:05

Sounds like a simple communication mixup to which everybody has completely overreacted! Your SIL obviously misunderstood, it doesn’t sound like she’s purposefully lied, your brother overreacted without waiting to hear your side of things but you then overreacted by refusing to spend the day with them instead of just explaining what actually happened. Your poor nieces are the ones caught up in all this and who have now had the day ruined by all of the adults overreacting and responding to each other like children. Why are none of you capable of just having a normal conversation to clear up what happened instead of a dramatic shouting match followed by obvious sulking!? You know life doesn’t have to be so dramatic if you just chill out a bit!

Original poster
user200391001 · 21/10/2023 16:15

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 21/10/2023 15:33

How old are the nieces?

if 12+ I think it reasonable to assume that they’d wait on dad alone

if under 12 mum reasonable to think you were leaving them with her

sounds like miscommunication more than anything

They are 10 and 11 and have waited in the reception area before by themselves. It's a lovely country hotel and very safe.

OP posts:
Original poster
user200391001 · 21/10/2023 16:17

UnevenBalance · 21/10/2023 15:58

Lie by omission seeing the SIL didn’t say the dcs went with the OP into the room?

Show quote history

Thats what upsets me the most she made out I had left the girls in reception with her when they came to the room with me. I only asked if they wanted to stay down in reception and wait for their dad or come to the room with me and she twisted it all.

OP posts:
gloriawasright · 21/10/2023 16:29

Your SIL was on reception .did she see the girls go to your room with you ? If she was in the middle of something she might not have seen the girls leave reception.
If you had given the girls the choice of staying in reception ( without actually saying they had to wait for their dad) or going with you .I can actually see why your SIL got annoyed. As far as she is concerned it's only because the girls chose to go to your room that she didn't end up watching them while trying to work .

Original poster
user200391001 · 21/10/2023 16:36

gloriawasright · 21/10/2023 16:29

Your SIL was on reception .did she see the girls go to your room with you ? If she was in the middle of something she might not have seen the girls leave reception.
If you had given the girls the choice of staying in reception ( without actually saying they had to wait for their dad) or going with you .I can actually see why your SIL got annoyed. As far as she is concerned it's only because the girls chose to go to your room that she didn't end up watching them while trying to work .

Sorry didn't make it very clear in my OP SIL doesn't work on reception she just happened to be there when we walked in. So if they had been left in reception she wouldn't have been there. They would have been on there own for 1 minute at the most whilst waiting for their dad.
I only asked the question because I was bursting for the loo and the girls were talking to their mum and I wanted to go to the room so I asked to try and hurry things along.

OP posts:
gloriawasright · 21/10/2023 17:06

It seems all round to have been a bit chaotic when you reached the hotel and SIL .
I think it's just been both you and sil misunderstanding who was going where /dojng what .
A bit silly for everyone to have got so het up .
Did you hear what she said to her brother? We're you able to explain your part in it all .
A bit of a shame for everyone to fall out over this .
But hey ,she might be a liar. Does she have form for this ?

Mumdiva99 · 22/10/2023 04:18

Sounds like drama over nothing.

You travelled a long way to see family. Then didn't spend time with them because your brother said something.

Wow!! As others have said. All you had to say was what you said here and it would have been forgotten. He could have apologised and the day carry on.

CatamaranViper · 22/10/2023 04:42

user200391001 · 21/10/2023 16:36

Sorry didn't make it very clear in my OP SIL doesn't work on reception she just happened to be there when we walked in. So if they had been left in reception she wouldn't have been there. They would have been on there own for 1 minute at the most whilst waiting for their dad.
I only asked the question because I was bursting for the loo and the girls were talking to their mum and I wanted to go to the room so I asked to try and hurry things along.

Show quote history

So their mum doesn't even work in reception so she would have had to leave the kids alone in a hotel lobby or take them to her department. Unfair on her while she is at work. I can see why she was annoyed.
She (or your brother) may have taken the decision to leave them in the lobby in the past on days when she knows it's quiet or someone she trusts is working on reception. That's not a decision for you to make.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/10/2023 05:27

I wonder if the hotel stay was free.

autiebooklover · 22/10/2023 06:12

Why did your db think the girls had been left in reception when you had them with you on your return?

I just can't see why anyone would be annoyed by this.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/10/2023 06:17

Tbh if you didn’t say to stay in reception to wait for their dad your SIL may have thought you were asking if they were staying with her.

it sounds like a big misunderstanding that all the adults are blowing up out of proportion

myladybelle · 22/10/2023 06:36

Tbh EVEN if you'd actually meant they would stay there with their mum, it would not have warranted all of this aggro. Ridiculous on SIL and DB part.

AgentJohnson · 22/10/2023 08:18

Your SIL might have misunderstood but your brothers reaction was OTT. I suspect there’s a backstory.

Cumbrianlife · 22/10/2023 09:48

This is getting more confusing. Does SIL work for the hotel or was she using their WiFi to essentially WFH? If sounds like a simple misunderstanding. Did you know she was working? The DC should have been kept away from her.

FallingStar21 · 22/10/2023 10:04

This is ridiculous OP. At the ages of 10 and 11, of course the girls are fine on their own for a few minutes, why would anyone think they need "supervision" from their mum? Especially in a place they are familiar with and dad following in. Honestly, a complete non issue!
You are right to be upset, why would your SIL say anything, let alone lie about it? My guess she doesn't actually like you and is picking on anything she can slag you off to your brother.
Your brother of course is also BU, massive over-reaction. What did he say when you told him they came to your room and weren't left alone anyway?
I'd be the same as you to be honest, wouldn't want to spend any more time with him and the SIL.

Quartz2208 · 22/10/2023 10:10

Do you and your brother always overreact to things, simple miscommunication.

you have no idea what your SiL said could simply have been a can you just remind that I am sir king I can’t keep an eye on the girls