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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just need to vent

33 replies

kylamonae · 11/09/2023 17:21

I'm just here to vent this may not receive any responses. I've been in my current relationship going on 2 years. In these 2 years my bf has been unemployed twice while living with me. At first it didn't bother me to have to take care of 5 people on my income because he helped out around the house. But now it's becoming too much. Just a little back story I have 3 children from a past relationship he does not have any children. Even though he doesn't have children he sees fit to judge the way I choose to parent.I don't think it's fair I could talk to them and he picks apart my words because "some things don't need to be said". It wasn't until 2 months ago I had to ask 😞 him to wash the dishes after I cook. I mean, to me that's something I should not have to ask especially after I've purchased the food fixed his plate and gave it to him. He has so many demands and will complain about dishes or how I wash clothes. We've had arguments where I've been called a lazy parent bc I dont parent they way HIS mom parented. I choose to be gentle bc they deserve a gentle upbringing. I refuse to yell all day. I've never got over that. Also in that argument he said he should've listened when his folks to him not to date a woman with kids. Then recently said he's glad he didn't listen bc he loves me he doesn't see it as baggage he sees it as a bonus. He brings up the past a lot. And I feel like that's something that didn't need to be said. Especially once he saw how much that hurt me. I will send him out for house necessities and will get a notification that he has made a purchase with my card for cigarettes without asking. I like to keep my home a certain way I have black out curtains bc I enjoy be in the dark. He will open all the windows and blinds even on the weekend know I'm exhausted from waking up at 6 to get the kids ready for school. And I mean bright at early 8:00 Saturday and Sunday. And it drives me crazy bc when he's sleeping I allow him to get his rest. I've been in my head debating is this what's best. Long term will he be a provider? Will I be the provider? Bc I can not be a wife that handles all bills. I have told him what the bills are costing me and without a card he turns lights on and off all day long. I've been asking to go out on a date for almost a year now but nothing changes we do nothing and I'm no longer interested in sex. Hell we can do it whenever there's no romance and that's what I need. When I told him he will say I understand but I feel like we can Al go out and do things and I make time to go out and do kid friendly activities but I'm an adult that's wants to go out and do adult things. I wanna get dressed and go out without having to swipe my card. A year into our relationship I found nude photos of an ex and when confronted with it he said he forgot they were in his phone. Well they were in a email but still. I also found that this ex who he can't stand has gotten flowers more than I have and I may seem child like to say that. But I've done everything I'm supposed to as a woman and have asked for flowers and I shouldn't have to and it hurts. But most recently he has said to me that we have 3 more months to see how this relationship goes before he proposes.... but how can you expect me to say yes when you've never been a provider ? I have always felt like I would benefit from therapy not just for this relationship but when I did he shot therapy down. I sometimes feel like I can not be myself bc he brings up how his mom doesn't do this or the women he grew up around wouldn't do that. And I'm neither of those women. Last week he said I don't understand why people with kids think they are the only ones who think they know how to take care or kids. Huh? I'm just very overwhelmed and idk when they'll be a change. He says he loves me but looking back at all I'm typing i don't believe it.

OP posts:
Epidote · 11/09/2023 22:12

I'll see it this way. You got 3 months to get rid of him. If you don't kick his arse out before.

Do as you please, parent as you like as soon as is good parenting. Don't spend a dime on him, book time for you and your kids on your own. Visit family and friends if you got around.

Make plans, sleep in full black out if you wish, cook for you and your kids only.

Do some or all of the above, which is pretty much what you are doing now with a few add ons and you won't pass your probation so you will free of a heavy burden.

FarEast · 11/09/2023 22:29

What is the point of your relationship? Are you just scared of being single? The bloke sounds like a bad bargain.

kylamonae · 12/09/2023 01:12

FarEast · 11/09/2023 22:29

What is the point of your relationship? Are you just scared of being single? The bloke sounds like a bad bargain.

I was dating to marry. A couple years ago I was scared to be alone, but it's like I'm already alone now.

OP posts:
kylamonae · 12/09/2023 01:30

Epidote · 11/09/2023 22:12

I'll see it this way. You got 3 months to get rid of him. If you don't kick his arse out before.

Do as you please, parent as you like as soon as is good parenting. Don't spend a dime on him, book time for you and your kids on your own. Visit family and friends if you got around.

Make plans, sleep in full black out if you wish, cook for you and your kids only.

Do some or all of the above, which is pretty much what you are doing now with a few add ons and you won't pass your probation so you will free of a heavy burden.

I spend as much time with them before bed on school nights and Saturday afternoons I take them out somewhere. I don't announce leaving anymore I just get us dressed and go

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 12/09/2023 02:46

I don't understand what there is to love about this cocklodger??

Grendell · 12/09/2023 02:54

He's never going to be the man you want him to be.

TacCat49 · 12/09/2023 03:09

WTF. You seriously have no boundaries and your self esteem is too low. Please discuss this with a counselor. He's been selective in the lessons he has chosen to learn from his mother.
He knows nothing about bringing up kids, working, contributing financially and doing his share of the homework. Kick the freeloader out. Give yourself and more importantly your kids a break.

MintJulia · 12/09/2023 03:39

Sweetheart, kick him out. He's a freeloading waste of space, taking money from your dcs. But change all the security on your bank card/account before you do anything. What are you thinking, giving him access?

Good luck.

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