Found condoms in DH’s suitcase

[Rainyautumnday]

Regular, name changed here. DH travels for work a fair bit - maybe every 6 weeks. He’s about to head to a conference. He’d left his packed but open suitcase on the bed and I just moved it and had a look inside and found 2 condoms in his wash bag. It’s a new case and bag and we haven’t been on holiday together since he had it.

Do I confront him now or wait until he’s back? I know he’s unhappy at lack of physical relationship - I have been depressed and had low libido, but things are ok otherwise

Personally I would remove them.

And say nothing..
Until he gets back and you can listen to his excuses... Then Ltb.

I'm a bit torn whether to take them out and he will know you have seen them or leave them in and see if they are gone when he gets back. Take a picture of them though.

Ask him upright. Before he goes. Why put yourself through the pain and angst of waiting till he comes home and then possibly not believing anything he says.
Removing them and just hoping for the best will not stop him cheating, you can get condoms anywhere, anytime.

Oh dear. You know what you've got to do OP. Do you have the strength to kick him out now or wait until later down the road when you've been lied to and gaslit as he attempts to excuse why he needs them..

I would have a talk.....find out what is going on.....

Do you use condoms as a couple? Is there any possible reason whatsoever that he would have condoms at all? I'm not trying to excuse him, just clarifying if there's anything he can come up with to excuse him having them.

Do you have any other evidence of an affair? He might be using them for a 'posh wank'?

I'd tackle it before he goes. You could leave them in there and see what happens but that gives the opportunity for:
I didn't realise they were there and chucked them away or other bullshit excuses.

Two condoms is not a full pack? Where are the rest?
Just tell him you know he's cheated and is planning on doing so again. There's no point pretending you don't know.

Put them in an envelope with a note

I'd have to say something before he goes.

Saying, while you're away I'm seeing a divorce lawyer

Put them in an envelope with a pin......

This

Yep, put them in an envelope at the bottom of the case with a note saying "I found these"

I know I’ll get a shit load of flack for saying this as we’re supposed to be monogamous for life but if you have a low libido and he’s getting it elsewhere and being careful with condoms then I’d leave him to it! Not the same as an emotional affair.

This crossed my mind too, is it actually a thing though?

I would say nothing and then see if they are there when he gets back, agree about maybe taking a photo.

Do you use condoms as a couple?

Don't confront him. He'll do what all cheaters do - deny deny deny, gaslight, attack you for going through his things, run to destroy all other evidence. You'll be left confused and nonethewiser.

The smart thing to do is keep quiet and do some digging while he's gone.

Check pokets, glove compartment, google maps history, bank records, phone records, email, etc

I wouldn't jump the gun with a 'I found these' type note yet, as PP states, could be for a nice posh wank. However, again as PP states, 2 isn't a full pack.. where are the rest?

I'd call him up to where you & the case are and literally take them out and ask him. His response will tell you everything you need to know.

I was once working on my car with my (now ex) H, and I went into the bottom drawer of his toolbox for a tool I didn't have in mine and found a full box of condoms in there. I just said wtf are these for and he grabbed the box and launched it behind the garage into a river then came up with all sorts of brilliant excuses as to why they might be there and that he hadn't seen them before (yet were in the drawer with tools he used daily in). He's very much an ex now

I like the envelope thing idea, but I would be a bit more direct and put ‘fuck you, don’t bother coming back’

I would confront him now.

Instead of seriously addressing the issues and working on them or ending the marriage in a decent manner, your H is planning to cheat….and possibly already has.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. I would tell him to stay elsewhere on return, and I’d be speaking to a solicitor to learn my options..

Good point, it does give some time to go digging.

I don’t know what I’d do

Lots of men's wash bags are sold with a couple of condoms included.

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Are you serious