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Original poster

Found condoms in DH’s suitcase

205 replies

Rainyautumnday · 15/11/2022 17:44

Regular, name changed here. DH travels for work a fair bit - maybe every 6 weeks. He’s about to head to a conference. He’d left his packed but open suitcase on the bed and I just moved it and had a look inside and found 2 condoms in his wash bag. It’s a new case and bag and we haven’t been on holiday together since he had it.

Do I confront him now or wait until he’s back? I know he’s unhappy at lack of physical relationship - I have been depressed and had low libido, but things are ok otherwise

OP posts:
MyLoveIsYourLove0xO · 15/11/2022 22:55

Whyareblokesonhere · 15/11/2022 18:40

Go to the chemist and buy some extra extra large ones and swap them over, of he is cheating he wont notice in the moment until he realises he is looking like he has a football sock hanging off his big toe, can't imagine it would do that much for the other him or her either

If it's for a posh wank then he probably see the funny side of it

Yes! This is brilliant Smile

MyLoveIsYourLove0xO · 15/11/2022 22:57

littleburn · 15/11/2022 18:45

Jesus Christ people! A 'posh wank' is not a thing. It's some bullshit excuse that a man came up with for having condoms when he shouldn't have. Seriously, men do not wank into condoms! Please don't even put this ridiculous excuse into his head OP.

So true, it's not a thing!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 15/11/2022 22:59

My DH also knew what a posh wank was 😂

LadyFushia · 15/11/2022 23:02

It is defo a thing to use condoms for a "posh wank", though if this is a preference of the husband then the poster would probably already know about it.

From the wife of someone who enjoys a "posh wank" 😂

Canthave2manycats · 15/11/2022 23:07

Is it too much to ask that people fucking RTFT before posting???

The OP has already spoken to her DH and his explanation sounds perfectly plausible and reasonable. But why don't a load of bitter women stir the pot and make the OP feel that her DH is shagging behind her back - when there's no evidence of it?

I'd be content with that explanation but if you love your DH, he loves you and you want to stay together, maybe you need to do some work on your marriage.

Melonapplepear · 15/11/2022 23:26

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/11/2022 21:10

A 'posh wank''?

So blokes who don't like using condoms for actual sex will use one for a wank? Get real.

He's cheating. Sorry.

Exactly can't believe it's genuinely been suggested tbh 😳

Justmeandmyfamily · 15/11/2022 23:46

I'd put something like chilli sauce or something really itchy with a syringe. Then you'll find out if it was used😆

monsteramunch · 15/11/2022 23:46

EarringsandLipstick · 15/11/2022 20:31

EVERY man i EVER worked with and known , in over 35 yrs of working, since the late 80's and present day, who is married; has slept with co workers and also hit on me and others, even present day.

🙄 you know some spectacular sleaze bags then. 'Every man' - really?

I can believe this in some industries to be fair. Not all industries, but some.

monsteramunch · 15/11/2022 23:47

@RedFlagAtNight

Can you link to a washbag that comes with condoms included? Especially at boots as you mentioned that?

Not saying you're lying, I just haven't ever seen that.

DeoForty · 15/11/2022 23:49

My husband also confirmed a posh wank is a thing.

And OP, I'd believe him. What's the alternative? If there is something there, it'll come out again. These things do.

monsteramunch · 15/11/2022 23:50

@tunthebloodyalarmoff

What did you expect ? Really. It's a sad fact of life if men don't get sex I. Their relationship they will get it elsewhere It's horrible but why don't women realise this

What do women expect? For their partner to end their relationship if he is unhappy with the frequency of sex, I'd imagine. Rather than fucking other people behind their back. Ideally using their big boy words first to discuss the issue if they think it could be worked through.

Sd1994 · 16/11/2022 00:02

I’d turn into dr foster and go follow him for further proof

WheelOfFish · 16/11/2022 00:12

I have two condoms in a wash bag which I take on both holidays and work trips, because I can’t be arsed to keep swapping them in and out (wife and I always use condoms btw). They are also probably quite old by now because they very rarely get used on holiday (thanks kids) and certainly never during work trips!

I have also been known to very occasionally use a condom with no-one other than myself present.

Only you know whether your husband is like me, or whether something else might be going on.

LikeTearsInRain · 16/11/2022 00:15

Could he enjoy partaking in a posh wank OP?

Youdoyoubabe · 16/11/2022 00:37

All of these depend on what you think you would do if you found out for sure he was having sex outside the marriage. On Mumsnet replies it seems always to be a deal breaker but in real life it often isn't. Historically in most cultures sex outside of the marriage contract is quietly accepted.

How do you feel about it? If you don't want to break up the marriage then I guess just quietly put them back and move on.

NorseKiwi · 16/11/2022 01:11

I dated a guy once who was circumcised, he said on occasion he would use a condom to wank as it gave him the feeling of having a foreskin....don't think he did it often, but it is a thing.

Strangeweather7 · 16/11/2022 01:17

Confront him obviously.

swimlyn · 16/11/2022 01:52

LikeTearsInRain · 16/11/2022 00:15

Could he enjoy partaking in a posh wank OP?

Criminy!

Yes, I’ll bet that is the answer.

Why did no one else think of that?

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 16/11/2022 02:35

Strangeweather7 · 16/11/2022 01:17

Confront him obviously.

Super helpful!

RTFT before posting, obviously.

girlmom21 · 16/11/2022 03:35

WheelOfFish · 16/11/2022 00:12

I have two condoms in a wash bag which I take on both holidays and work trips, because I can’t be arsed to keep swapping them in and out (wife and I always use condoms btw). They are also probably quite old by now because they very rarely get used on holiday (thanks kids) and certainly never during work trips!

I have also been known to very occasionally use a condom with no-one other than myself present.

Only you know whether your husband is like me, or whether something else might be going on.

If your condoms are really old get rid! They expire.

Jaybird43 · 16/11/2022 06:23

Don’t some hotels give a condom on with their emergency wash kit? I was with DH at a hotel a few years ago and he went to the front desk to ask for an emergency wash kit (toothbrush / toothpaste etc) as he’d forgotten his and there was a condom in with it all. Just a thought!

HelloBunny · 16/11/2022 07:22

I had a “thing” with a guy with travelled who traveled for work, years ago. When the crucial moment came, he went to his overnight bag to get a condom. There was a whole pocket full of them... I clearly wasn’t his only girlfriend.

AutumnColour89 · 16/11/2022 07:24

I am a lone female worker in a company of 57 men (more if you count the ones that have been and gone) I'm not at all unattractive and have an alright figure and I really get on with the vast majority of them. Young men, old men, ones I really 'click' with, ones not so much. Married ones, single ones, divorced etc. I have been out on regular nights out with them and I've even worked away with a few. Not once. ONCE. Have any of them said or done anything remotely inappropriate.

@Rockingcloggs I'm another one who's shocked at this. I've worked in two different civil service government departments since late 2019 and the amount of married/ in a LTR male colleagues who have tried it on is breathtaking, now that I'm sat here totting it up.

These include (but not limited to);
-The one who kept his girlfriend a secret from the entire office and was also shagging a colleague 20 years older than him.
-The married one who was close friend, until it transpired that what he was really interested in was getting in my knickers. He also admitted he'd had an affair behind his wife's back years ago (with another colleague).
-The senior colleague with the long term gf who he conveniently didn't tell me about for the 6 months he was flirting hard and begging me to meet up with him.
-Oh, and his line manager, who used his position (and lied to me) to get in to my hotel room at a recent conference. When I called him out he admitted he did it because he was 'hoping something would happen'.

Workplace cultures do differ wildly, but in general it seems the norm is sadly that men still use their jobs to try their luck.

Sorry OP, hope for your sake that it is innocent.

Rockingcloggs · 16/11/2022 07:38

AutumnColour89 · 16/11/2022 07:24

I am a lone female worker in a company of 57 men (more if you count the ones that have been and gone) I'm not at all unattractive and have an alright figure and I really get on with the vast majority of them. Young men, old men, ones I really 'click' with, ones not so much. Married ones, single ones, divorced etc. I have been out on regular nights out with them and I've even worked away with a few. Not once. ONCE. Have any of them said or done anything remotely inappropriate.

@Rockingcloggs I'm another one who's shocked at this. I've worked in two different civil service government departments since late 2019 and the amount of married/ in a LTR male colleagues who have tried it on is breathtaking, now that I'm sat here totting it up.

These include (but not limited to);
-The one who kept his girlfriend a secret from the entire office and was also shagging a colleague 20 years older than him.
-The married one who was close friend, until it transpired that what he was really interested in was getting in my knickers. He also admitted he'd had an affair behind his wife's back years ago (with another colleague).
-The senior colleague with the long term gf who he conveniently didn't tell me about for the 6 months he was flirting hard and begging me to meet up with him.
-Oh, and his line manager, who used his position (and lied to me) to get in to my hotel room at a recent conference. When I called him out he admitted he did it because he was 'hoping something would happen'.

Workplace cultures do differ wildly, but in general it seems the norm is sadly that men still use their jobs to try their luck.

Sorry OP, hope for your sake that it is innocent.

Absolutely they do! Like I said, the call centre I worked in was rife with it, quite an uncomfortable atmosphere at times. I was much younger then also and I suppose I just assumed that was the norm in mixed sex work environments as previous to this I worked in Lunn Poly with all female colleagues and so it was never an issue.

I am a manager in a building company now and have been for 10 years. Every one of the men I work and have worked with have been nothing but respectful. It's a joyful place to work and I am surrounded by truly lovely blokes.

Luckydip1 · 16/11/2022 07:44

It seems he was thinking he was going to 'get lucky' at the conference. Before you confront him you need to decide how you want to play this. Are you going to kick him out of home for a bit or tell him not to do it again. Once a cheater always a cheater.