Found condoms in DH’s suitcase

[Rainyautumnday]

Regular, name changed here. DH travels for work a fair bit - maybe every 6 weeks. He’s about to head to a conference. He’d left his packed but open suitcase on the bed and I just moved it and had a look inside and found 2 condoms in his wash bag. It’s a new case and bag and we haven’t been on holiday together since he had it.

Do I confront him now or wait until he’s back? I know he’s unhappy at lack of physical relationship - I have been depressed and had low libido, but things are ok otherwise

Or he could be telling the truth.

Are they fuck

I think that sounds completely plausible OP try not to think any more about it.

Leave it til he comes back and check if they're still there

Your friend would also inform you she brings her own

Sounds plausible. Especially given the dates on them. My DH has a travel bag that hasn't been consolidated for about 10 years. Full of ancient receipts, half used tissue packets, almost fully squeezed toothpaste tubes and crispy deodorant.

I'd bide my time and wait and try to gather other evidence to see if he's cheating. Checking phone bills, credit card bills, etc before confronting. He will come up with an excuse and cover his tracks better if you confront him now with no other proof.

No that sounds very plausible, especially if different dates.

any chance you can work on the sec?

Yup. Have look in Boot's next time you're there.

@SillieSarah we’ve discussed couples counselling and I’m also looking into private healthcare to get my hormones sorted - PCOS and antidepressants mean it’s all a bit messy, plus I’ve had a rough few years with family illness, but I know it needs working on.

I hate this - now I’m questioning placement of them in the bag and thinking that there was also a new packet or his medication in there, so how could he not have seen them? I don’t see him using a sex worker though - as I said, no other signs of cheating and he’s always stuck into work at these events

He’s awful, sorry OP

@Rainyautumnday i was going to message to say ‘maybe he just moved everything from one bag to another’.
because I’m sat here now (away with work, a regular traveller) looking at my wash bag which has 3 condoms in it. I’ve swapped my wash bag numerous times over this year and it’s just got more full of junk each time!
dont use condoms with my partner and have no idea why I’ve never taken them out! Also they’re out of date (just checked!) but I put them back in after checking!! I don’t know why!
I’m just a weird hoarder apparently.
my wash bag is always on the side at home and no idea if partners noticed - never mentioned them. And he’s often in my wash bag looking for tweezers or scissors.

To me it makes sense OP especially if no other signs and given expiry date. They’ll have been there a while!

I could not agree more. Many men actively try to get out of wearing condoms so why would they have one for wanking? It does not increase pleasure. The posh wank was invented by men caught with condoms. I have never met a man that would use them wanking.

Are they?
Have never yet seen any in the shops selling them with bonus condoms!

Sex workers bring their own condoms. As you use(d) condoms it’s just one of the things he added to the bag and never got rid of. Just throw away as he doesn’t need them to travel and could get damaged.

im not in a relationship and fuck I would do anything to be in a relationship….. giving a blow job every week or whatever would be one of those. I’m just venting, I don’t have anything to offer men which is why I’m single.

He’s a liar. Of course he knew they were there, he put them there. Don’t be a mug.

It looks like he has a plausible explanation, and you do use condoms as a couple, but you have shown that you don’t trust him and there may be consequences from that.
Away from home a lot of men and women do have casual sex, being suspicious will damage your relationship if you are wrong so do take care.
Posh wank is nonsense, men want to let it fly

I moved the suitcase off the bed (because it doesn’t feel hygienic) and just decided to look in there - I’m generally really nosy, always have been, so just decided to have a look. But I guess there’s always an intrusive back of mind thought about women he might meet at these things. I have anxiety though so always think the worst and catastrophise. He’s given me no reason to be suspicious

In the kindest way, you obviously are suspicious of him else you wouldn’t be looking though his bag or worrying about other women.

We have a gut instinct for a reason.

Honestly, my DH would very easily transfer every last thing out of his wash bag into a new one without looking at what he was doing. He has three wash bags in his bathroom cabinet and I bet if I go and look, all have old condoms and medication in them. Even if he did notice the condoms and was going away on his own, he would still pack them rather than think of somewhere else to store them. If you have no other concerns, I wouldn’t dwell on what you found.

Your relationship obviously is not OK. Of course he would lie. Imagine one of us ladies doing that. It would not happen unless we were meeting a fitty and being hopeful.

Sex workers bring their own condoms and generally refused to use anything but their own supply.

The ones he had are ancient wih a 2022 expiry. I used to travel a lot re work & just checked my wash bag I used to bring. They are dated 2025 and were 100% purchased in late 2019.

Based on what you've said there'sno suggestion of him cheating. While it doesn't guarantee he isn't as no one can ever be 100% their partner doesn't, so I would put it out of your head.

Yes, it sounds plausible, most lies do. All the better for you to believe them.

I had almost the exact same thing years ago with my then BF. Still don't know if he cheated on that occasion, but he def did later on. And I have no idea how many times. It's extremely common for people who work away to have a mindset like that, especially after getting away with it once. He had also given me no reason to suspect, but once they get away with one thing, the next becomes much easier and likely. The questions prey on your mind, just like you say.

Please don't let him make it all about your issues. Hormones and depression have nothing to do with it, that's just a convenient diversion. And don't just ignore it, because it may well come back to bite you in the future, and you'll have wasted all that time in between. Keep a very close eye on him and his activities and interactions for a good long while, discreetly obv. I'd also take a deep look back at phone bills/internet history etc. Anything suspicious is worth checking out. If he is cheating, there's likely not an obvious 'smoking gun', but lots of little things you can follow up. That's how I finally found out the (partial) truth. Good luck.

Hello OP. I am sorry that you this happened because, speaking from my own experience, this is like a seed, once it is planted it either just stays there in the same form or it starts growing, no matter what your partner or anyone else says, it is hard to put it aside.

This same thing happened to me with my now ex husband. I was looking for eye drops I knew he always carried in his satchel and found couple of condoms. I totally freaked out and this still, to this day screams "suspicious" to me. I mean, why would he need condoms in the bag he uses outside. Then I started snooping and found couple in his jacket too. We too had been struggling with intimacy and I would not be surprised if he looked for it outside of our marriage. I never questioned him about it, mostly because I knew he would deflect the blame to me snooping, but also because, at the time, I was not ready to break our marriage and I did not see how else it would end, since I did not think he would be able to give me an acceptable explanation for this. We were together for more than two decades and I never caught him cheating but I always had a feeling that he did.

Like I said, I am sorry that his happened to you and unfortunately I do not have an useful advice for you, but for what it's worth it does look like an innocent thing to me. I think it is good that you confronted him though. I hope you are able to put all this aside, but you should definitely seek some counseling. You know, the reason why you are not interested in sex may not be in you, but in your relationship, so it is worth exploring it sooner rather then later.

I don't think some of the pp's have read your update. I think it sounds plausible as you say they were just in a jumble of tissues and stuff and had a date that meant they were old. He could easily just stick it all in and not really think about it. I think you have to trust him on this one and work on your anxiety.

I was going to suggest checking the dates. I'd be inclined to trust him.