Found condoms in DH’s suitcase

[Rainyautumnday]

Regular, name changed here. DH travels for work a fair bit - maybe every 6 weeks. He’s about to head to a conference. He’d left his packed but open suitcase on the bed and I just moved it and had a look inside and found 2 condoms in his wash bag. It’s a new case and bag and we haven’t been on holiday together since he had it.

Do I confront him now or wait until he’s back? I know he’s unhappy at lack of physical relationship - I have been depressed and had low libido, but things are ok otherwise

It can take 10 years for it to come out, what a waste of the OPs time

Yes, reading these other male colleagues stories... My office was terrible for it. It was a work fling with me & a colleague. I did sometimes wonder if he was married. He is now, but I can’t imagine he’s changed. But, because of me & him, other male bosses assumed I was up for it on nights out.

I'd definitely be inclined to believe him. My DP has some in the bedside drawer - we don't use them, been together 18 months and they are simply still there as he never cleans things out! 😂 I trust him implicitly and actually they are on my side in my bedside drawer 😂!

so so glad i am not married any more and don't have to deal with these kinds of things...

No , you have got to front it and talk openly. I would do a Columbo on him and go to walk away and then “ just one more thing before you go, why do you pack condoms ?” If he goes off and realises you have taken them he could just go all quiet and then you are stuck in silence with no admission and no confrontation, just limbo. Call it out - for your sanity!

Given the expiry date I’d be inclined to believe him. It does sound plausible.

His story sounds believable to me, plus you use condoms yourselves (so not weird to have them) plus very old dates, plus full of other crap, plus he didn't flip out or deny or get indignant, he just gave a normal explanation.

As for 'all men cheat' I simply don't believe that either, although I have known a lot who do.

No, they’re really not! Oh dear, who’s been telling you this?!

OP:
It’s good you talked to him.
The other ‘old crap’, the dates… it makes sense.

The thread is now full of people who have not RTFT.

I hope you have some time to focus on yourself and rebuild, because anxiety and negative feelings about your own self will spiral into doubting your marriage which will then damage your marriage.

Look after yourself, nurture your relationship (this is different from ‘treat your man like a god’… it is viewing the relationship as an entity in its own right iyswim).

Good luck OP.

I found once used condom wrapper in my husband's backpack. He was taking things from his desk and must have grabbed it too (we have sex in the living room quite often, so there are some misplaced wrappers here and there).

I'd believe him, especially that you said he's not acting weird.

Posh wank someone I know had been alone at home for the weekend he had sex with another woman and when his wife came home she found the condom he told her he had a posh wank.

And women’s ones come with a free vibrator?

okaaaaay……

Not going to give you shit. Just want to point out that low libido caused by depression will go away with the depression and, as I experienced, sex can be better than before. Having low libido doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t miss having sex & when the desire comes back you can really want to celebrate your good fortune by having lots of great sex. Husband really wouldn’t want to miss out on that, is my guess.

I’ve never done it, and hadn’t even heard of it until I started reading mumsnet. No male friend I’ve ever discussed it with does it either.

Telegraph had header yesterday - ''Affairs are good for marriage - especially women'' - I did not read it but presume it's another way of looking at the situation.

Yeah, I just can't see it it happening. Maybe the odd guy does but it's certainly 'mainstream' if you like 😂

I mean, why would you, when the real thing feels much nicer? A posh wank is the wanking equivalent of putting fake grass in your garden instead of an actual lawn.

He might be planning on visiting a prostitute

Prostitutes will have their own stash of condoms but, yes, any sane man would surely take his own just in case?

I’m sorry . He is probably cheating , you can tell him now you know or if you need time to plan with regards to finances , children , house etc you can wait until he gets back and see a solicitor in the meanwhile .

If he was cheating, he's much more likely to shag a colleague at a conference than a prostitute, but then I'd also expect him to have new condoms...

A rich man's wank beats doing it into a sock, most fellas try it when they're younger and realise like most sexual experiences bareback is the way to go (safety issues allowing)
I wouldn't be surprised if there are men out there who prefer it - nothing sexual under the sun is unbelievable
BUT id hate to try and convince my SO that's what they were in the wash kit for, she'd probably stick them up my nose
Using Occam's razor ie if it looks walks and quacks like a duck then it's a duck it doesn't look too good for you and your (?!) fella
Sorry to hear it

No sex is the death knell to a relationship. It amazes me that this still surprises some women.
I'm really sorry for your predicament, OP - I've been there - but what I say is true.

Posh wank is absolutely true. I do it occasionally. It's a different feeling from the norm.

Don't want to go into too much detail but definitely true.

Conferences…dont get me started…