Do men find affairs hot?

[PinkBoxActions]

I know this sounds silly.. but for example. If a man is cheating on his wife, you will always hear of the OW confessing to the wife in some way or another, whether it's a one night stand or full on long term affair.

However, men don't usually care if women have a partner, and will actively pursue knowing they are taken. You never hear of OM telling the husband?

What does everyone think?

It’s narrow minded for the person I quoted to say that men that prefer monogamy is about possession. If you don’t want it, that’s your choice, but monogamy isn’t about possession in healthy relationships.

‘Decent men don’t want to think of the woman they’re with fucking another man.’

Actually my decent man holds me still for them.

There is a whole world outside, full of people who think and feel differently to you.

I know this view won't please many on here but I genuinely think that men and women see sex differently and yes certainly some men enjoy the illicit element of an affair and the knowledge that they are cuckolding another man. I think they don't let the husband know because of fear of violence towards them or the woman.

@Lookingoutside What do you mean hold you still for them? as in hold you still in sex for another man??

I think it's because deep down women have a conscience or are total bitches and like to feel like they have the upper hand?!

But that’s not cheating if you’re all ok with it. So no one cares. OPs post is about affairs.

I guess it's different perspectives, sometimes the male is happy with doing the business, and does not want to split from the wife, where's a woman, could become attached and fall in love, feel guilty after a while etc.

Or @Becky6758 you could stop being narrow-minded and at least open your mind in the prospect that it’s not possession and that there are decent men out there. Just because you know some men who have kinks and fetishes when it comes to sharing their partner etc. Doesn’t mean all men will be interested in that.

I never wrote the post that included the comment about possession. I never said I agreed with that comment or even commented on that.

I simply replied back only to the poster that who mentioned ‘Raise your bar’ and explained it can be a kink and it’s not about raising the bar and there’s no need to write a stupid ‘raise the bar’ message when it’s simply what some people are actually into.

I also never said it happened In all relationships either did I ? as it doesn’t in mine so your post is pretty pointless and full of assumptions about things I think/said.

Maybe you should both stop being so narrow minded then.

‘But that’s not cheating if you’re all ok with it. So no one cares. OPs post is about affairs.’

‘Decent men don’t want to think of the woman they’re with fucking another man’

That’s a blanket statement about the decency of men who enjoy it. And it is nonsense.

@easylisten
Not in the case I know off. The guy was head over heels in love with her..it was her who wanted a "bit on the side" bored of her husband.
He really fell for her..I saw all the messages. I was just gobsmacked he never confronted him.

Nope, I don't find it hot.
It's definitely NOT on my to-do list.

Any kind of intimate infidelity from flirting to ons/affair is a relationship ender for me. I have no respect for married/partnered women who approach me either.

Sorry meant to add he kept asking her to divorce her husband.

Just thinking that it’s perhaps more of the case that men pursuing “taken” women get an extra buzz from the added “challenge” of conquering said woman and also getting one up on the other man.
Men don’t typically have their self worth linked so closely to winning partners in the way that women sometimes do (eg lamenting what the OW has that they haven’t etc).
a lot of this is derived from the society we live in and we just keep on repeating the same thoughts.
Man likes younger “model” types etc and tries to flirt or shag them to see he still has it.
Woman likes shagging married men because they feel better than his wife…
The “hot” bit…?
I doubt it’s the main reason men fuck other women than their spouses or pursue married women and it’s a lot more to do with demonstrating their prowess

My raise the bar comment was in response to the poster saying monogamy was about possession. If the only men that women who want monogamy are meeting, are those that do monogamy because they’re possessive, then they should raise the bar. There are men that also want monogamy that are not possessive.

If you don’t want monogamy and you’re both agreed, do what you like obviously. In that circumstance, it’s a choice for all involved and everyone’s aware. No one cares.

Probably not quite 50:50. Men sometimes conveniently "forget" to mention they're married. Probably some women do, too, but certainly there are relationships where one side isn't aware they're having an affair. I would guess it's more likely to be the woman who doesn't know, but I don't know for sure. But in those cases, it must be about being too weak to quit with one partner before moving on to the next, or just wanting more than one woman, or - well, not about possessing another man's wife, anyway.

I did have a guy trying to tell me love is all about owning someone the other day. I disagreed.

Man here.

I'd imagine that most men don't tell the husband because there's a significant chance they'll get decked, whereas a woman telling the wife probably faces harm in other ways rather than physical.

I'd also argue that most single men who are hooking up with married women are just doing that, hooking up. They're after sex, not a relationship. They may not even know she's married.

I'm generalising here but most women who have affairs with married men will fall into two camps. Either they have no idea the wife exists, and so when they do find out then they feel she ought to know, and will go out of their way to find out who she is so they can tell her. Or they know she exists and are looking to replace her, in which case they need knowledge of the competition. Either way, they have the information they need to tell the wife.

Single men on the other hand are primarily looking for a shag. If they find out there's a husband, they'll either duck out there and then (thinking the quicker they're out of the situation the better) or they don't care, in which case they're unlikely to try and find out more information about him because they simply don't care. He's not competition.

To reiterate, I'm generalising here, there are of course always edge cases.

I definitely understand this. Is this why for example, when you reject a man, they don't get the hint - but sometimes if you say you have a boyfriend, they back off completely? Or tbh.. sometimes they engage more.

It always amazes me how OW will go out of their way to such extreme measures, even women who are not OW, just a previous ex! And do all these dramatic actions, when men truly don't care when it's them 🤣

I'll get flamed and I'm generalising but a lot of men have affairs for extra, varied sex ... they know most oe wouldn't have sex with them if they knew thats all it is so they use the script on the ow. The script results on the ow feeling scammed when when realise it was just an affair .. so they get v angry and bitter and seek revenge/"justice". Or they hope he will fi ally be forced to leave his partner, as he implied he would.

Om, are (like attached men having affairs) often just on it for sex. They often don't really want the woman to leave. They don't care. They know they'll might get a hiding, or (if the h has access to firearms) worse, if they find out so another string motivation not to tell. But mostly they don't want her to leave and aren't fed/don't buy into the script.

I'm not so sure whether men actually think or care about the implicit threat of another man, the husband. Men tend to walk around thinking they're the KING anyway. Men are quite innately arrogant to one another.
Until of course, they are confronted then it's a different story. However, confrontations don't always tend to go how the people involved imagining. My uncle confronted his ex-wife's affair partner. Ended up being sentenced to 10 yrs in prison. Upon reflection, in his letters, it wasn't worth it.

Men who go after and shag attached women are generally "any hole is a goal" types.

It's not in any way flattering to the attached women. They just test who's up for it, attached or not.

Sometimes the fact that the woman is attached makes them think she is (I'd she engages) only interested in sex, and a safe bet re expecting a relationship; because she's already in one. So he thinks shes great no strings material... unfortunately some cheating attached women do it to try to leave their partner, and are often gutted when thry realise their ow is not interested in that at all.

*their om

In my region police are notorious for affairs. The rural policeman in a neighbouring area specialised in affairs with married women, the married women were in unhappy, often abusive marriages. They thought theyd leave their husbands for him ... they were wrong. They were sex/entertainment .. and theyre still in the unhappy marriages.

Men are more concerned that they get to have sex.
They stick it to pretty much any woman (or anything, remember the news about german brothel and the orangutan).
They are not that bothered about relationships, love and crap.
So why bother hassle the husband about it?
Women like you think that man wanting to have sex actually means something.
Maybe they think that the man is willing to sacrifice a relationship for her.
So they wanna show off that.

To men: getting sex = value
To women: getting a relationship = value.

This makes sense!