Hi all. I'm new here.
Hope you're all well and happy?
I'm a serving Fire Fighter of 20 years. I'm 47 and met up with a nurse in November, there was not expectations or anything, just nice to meet someone new. She was funny, gentle and appeared to be a really nice woman.
Things developed over the weeks, she was really rubbing off on me and we got close and just let things be. I thought she was amazing.
We did lots of things together and I took her to lots of places and on holiday in Feb, all was ok but she suddenly went distant on me for a week, and the pain I felt was just so intense. I couldn't work out what I had done.
I'm kind, loyal and romantic. I'm clean, good looking and have good things in my life. I'm grateful for this.
Last Friday, she went to a funeral and I was at work. She later video called me and she offloaded her day to me, I thought it would be funny to say "I'm okay thanks". She was irritated by the comment and I then lost the call because of the bad reception.
I text her to say that she was tired and irritable and we'll speak in the morning.
She sent me a text saying I was being passive aggressive and that it was uncalled for to say that, and that she was opening up to me as she had trust issues and is always suspicious. I certainly won't ever make a remark like that again. And I'm not passive aggressive, I'm way to chilled to be like that.
I then decided to tackle this problem and ring her to apologise and tell her I was being an idiot. We cleared the air and told her we'd see each other the next day.
The next morning at about 0600, I text her to say that I would come over for a power hug to start the day on a better note.
I drove over to hers and waited 10 minutes, then decided to cover her windscreen in post it notes, with soppy things like, I love you, you're gorgeous etc. Then drove home.
She text me 60 minutes later and said hello, I told her I'd been over and waited just in case she woke up. She went ballistic at me, calling me weird and stupid. She spent a lot of time breaking me down to tears, what I thought was a romantic and nice thing to do.
I rung her back later that morning to say can we sort things out? She told me to come over at 1500. I drove over and got to hers at 1430. Knocked on the door and when she saw me, went mental again. At this point I was crying because of how nasty she was to me.
After about an hour I lost my temper and decided to fire back, of course in a calm way. I explained everything to her and just how horrid she was being to me. She then apologised to me and I thought it was dealt with. The rest of that day and night, was tearful. I'm not usually like this. Must of really fallen for her? Stupid me.
I stayed the night and wasn't up to much in the morning because I was still upset. We had a cuddle and fed, I decided I needed to go because I was struggling to keep it together.
Just as I was about to leave, she told me things will be ok. I asked her is she just saying that to make me feel better. She verbally attacked me so hard, it was like I assaulted one of her siblings. I burst into tears and said thanks for your hospitality and left. This happened Sunday and I've not her a single thing from her since.
As I type this, I know I need to have more respect for myself and stop being so emotional. No idea why I am.
I'm so perplexed as to what has happened, I don't think I've returned back to planet earth yet, she verbally attacked me so hard, I just didn't see it coming.
I want to ask you kind people what you're thoughts are? I simply cannot see how I could go back to that relationship and forgive.
She's told me she's on the spectrum of some kind, and she compartmentalises everything in her life including me, but I certainly do not deserve this. And the sad thing is I love her.
She did tell me she had PMT, I know I probably should not have gone round and should not have said I'm okay, but I come from a place of peace and love.
Thank you so much in advance.
Love to you all