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Original poster

So my DP just did this…

322 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 13/02/2022 09:34

Laid in bed this morning with DP and I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing, when he decided to pull my knickers down and push his penis towards me (attempting anal). I pulled them up and asked what he was doing - he said he was trying to woo me Hmm

We have had anal sex before, a long time ago. But this is unacceptable isn’t it?

OP posts:
Hopefullyoneday12 · 13/02/2022 09:36

Sounds unacceptable to me, yes.

Did he think you were asleep?

Shmithecat2 · 13/02/2022 09:39

Ugh, that would have infuriated me.

FrancescaContini · 13/02/2022 09:41

Yep. Totally. “Woo”????

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 13/02/2022 09:42

He didn’t think I was asleep but I gave him so sign whatsoever that I wanted any type of sex to happen. I’m just so disappointed cos I don’t see how I can carry on with him now. Is that an extreme view to take?

OP posts:
bongobingo43 · 13/02/2022 09:44

Was it definitely anal he was attempting???

Weenurse · 13/02/2022 09:45

There is obviously a bigger back story here.
Talk to him.

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 13/02/2022 09:47

It was definitely anal. He said as much.

I just feel like it’s unacceptable, and I can’t look at him in the same way.

OP posts:
Gooders1105 · 13/02/2022 09:49

He’s not clear about consent is he? How he reacts when you talk to him will tell you everything about how you should proceed. If he’s mortified and apologetic then you may be able to work on it. If he plays it down and dismisses your feelings, make plans to end the marriage. Your body, you get to choose what happens to it. Reverse it in your head. How would he react if you suddenly tried to thrust a dildo into his body when he was dozing?

ReformedWaywardTeen · 13/02/2022 09:50

LTB

He tried to engage in anal sex without consent, that's assault. Disgusting thing to do.

JoyOrbison · 13/02/2022 09:51

Yuk, def agree op, striking your backnis hardly foreplay to just without warning try diving in for anal.

Trust your gut innthis one.

updownroundandround · 13/02/2022 10:03

OP you pulled your knickers up and asked him what the hell he was doing because you KNOW it was wrong !

Your 'gut instinct' took over for a minute because your head wasn't in the game because you were half asleep, but trust your gut !

It doesn't matter what anyone else here has to say about it because your gut has already given you your answer.

LannieDuck · 13/02/2022 10:07

He was trying anal without lube? Very odd thing to do without warning.

DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 10:13

Eww. That's really creepy and wrong.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 13/02/2022 10:14

Suggest you buy a huge strap on penis.
And tell him to be aware you could jump him at any time.
Ask him how that sounds.

Strange ideas your dh sadly...

spotcheck · 13/02/2022 10:17

He was trying it on, you said no.
I'm not sure this constitutes assault, and it is a bit extreme to leave him for.
Sounds like he viewed the spooning and stoking as foreplay.
Did he have an erection while spooning. If so, and you were all spooned up, and enjoying being stroked, it's likely he did assume foreplay was happening.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't have a talk about your boundaries, but in this instance, I see how it could have been confusing for him.

Rosiestraws · 13/02/2022 10:18

@Gooders1105

He’s not clear about consent is he? How he reacts when you talk to him will tell you everything about how you should proceed. If he’s mortified and apologetic then you may be able to work on it. If he plays it down and dismisses your feelings, make plans to end the marriage. Your body, you get to choose what happens to it. Reverse it in your head. How would he react if you suddenly tried to thrust a dildo into his body when he was dozing?
This, exactly...
DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 10:21

@spotcheck

He was trying it on, you said no. I'm not sure this constitutes assault, and it is a bit extreme to leave him for. Sounds like he viewed the spooning and stoking as foreplay. Did he have an erection while spooning. If so, and you were all spooned up, and enjoying being stroked, it's likely he did assume foreplay was happening.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't have a talk about your boundaries, but in this instance, I see how it could have been confusing for him.

Personally I'd ignore every word of this horrible advice!!
SamphiretheStickerist · 13/02/2022 10:23

I see how it could have been confusing for him.

WTF?!?!

I have read some things here but this... Confusing? Attempting anal sex without discussion, lube or regard for the safety and comfort of how wife is confused behaviour?

Dear god. Is it any wonder so few women choose to do anything other than run after sexual assaults?

bongobingo43 · 13/02/2022 10:24

@spotcheck

He was trying it on, you said no. I'm not sure this constitutes assault, and it is a bit extreme to leave him for. Sounds like he viewed the spooning and stoking as foreplay. Did he have an erection while spooning. If so, and you were all spooned up, and enjoying being stroked, it's likely he did assume foreplay was happening.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't have a talk about your boundaries, but in this instance, I see how it could have been confusing for him.

I'd actually completely agree with this. Unless your definition of consent is him verbally asking.

You indicated you didn't want to and he stopped. Therefore, You exercised your right to consent and he accepted it.

It's the fact it was anal without lube that's worrying me!

Seraphinesupport · 13/02/2022 10:27

@spotcheck .. confusing? ... they were just having a cuddle and he tryes to force his penis into her anus... not sure how it could be confusing that you shouldnt do that to someone unless they are clearly asking for it, and i mean ASKING for it.

Yanbu OP BUT .. wooing you ? do men really think having a penis shoved up our arses is being Wooed?

gamerchick · 13/02/2022 10:27

You can't just jump straight into anal, he's a prick.

spotcheck · 13/02/2022 10:30

OP
Said he started pushing his penis toward her.... Anal? Or vaginal from behind?

RantyAunty · 13/02/2022 10:43

@spotcheck

He was trying it on, you said no. I'm not sure this constitutes assault, and it is a bit extreme to leave him for. Sounds like he viewed the spooning and stoking as foreplay. Did he have an erection while spooning. If so, and you were all spooned up, and enjoying being stroked, it's likely he did assume foreplay was happening.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't have a talk about your boundaries, but in this instance, I see how it could have been confusing for him.

Newsflash! a minute stroking the back/grope and a boner in the back has never been and never will be foreplay
Rosiestraws · 13/02/2022 10:45

@updownroundandround

OP you pulled your knickers up and asked him what the hell he was doing because you KNOW it was wrong !

Your 'gut instinct' took over for a minute because your head wasn't in the game because you were half asleep, but trust your gut !

It doesn't matter what anyone else here has to say about it because your gut has already given you your answer.

however....I also think this is true... it's quite hard to know the exact situation as we weren't there but your reaction shouldn't be something you doubt. You know the way you feel about it and should trust that
SamphiretheStickerist · 13/02/2022 10:46

@spotcheck

OP Said he started pushing his penis toward her.... Anal? Or vaginal from behind?
There is a blue link See All on all.of.an OPs posts. You can catch up with all she has said, including the fact that he said he was going for anal sex.