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Original poster

So my DP just did this…

322 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 13/02/2022 09:34

Laid in bed this morning with DP and I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing, when he decided to pull my knickers down and push his penis towards me (attempting anal). I pulled them up and asked what he was doing - he said he was trying to woo me Hmm

We have had anal sex before, a long time ago. But this is unacceptable isn’t it?

OP posts:
thickthighs73 · 13/02/2022 12:07

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Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 12:08

[quote BuddhaForMary]@Migrainesbythedozen that thread is nothing like this. In that thread the OPs partner was sexually assaulting her in her sleep. That's not what happened here. OP was awake, she did not consent, he stopped. [/quote]
@BuddhaForMary I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing

Doesn't sound like she was awake to me. He believed she was dozing and took advantage.

It is the same thing.

thickthighs73 · 13/02/2022 12:08

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Yeahthat · 13/02/2022 12:09

@iklboo

Ah, ok. So having your back stroked & having a cuddle is consenting to a man trying to shove his dick up your arse. Okey doke.

Poor wickle confoosed manz.

@iklboo

No one's saying that. Then again, "poor wickle confoosed manz" is a stunning logical and rhetorical device to put Plato himself to shame, and you therefore win the discussion.

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 12:09

@RedCandyApple Did you even read the OP? Because the OP insinuated he knew she wasn't awake, she was dozing off/sleeping. I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing

DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 12:10

@RedCandyApple

I honestly wonder how people cope and have relationships, signing a contract every time they have sex, the op said he knew she was awake!
I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing The OP was actually very clear that she wasn't fully awake
BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 12:10

@flowervest75

This is what I mean, claims of attempted rape? Way too extreme in my eyes. He tried to initiate sex (or are we calling that attempted rape now?) OP didn’t want it, they didn’t have sex. Clearly a discussion of boundaries needs to be discussed or what makes OP feel uncomfortable but attempted rape? Really…
I agree, that word gets thrown around way too much on MN these days. Which is pretty shit for those who actually have been through it as it dilutes their experience.
RedCandyApple · 13/02/2022 12:10

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]**@RedCandyApple* Did you even read the OP? Because the OP insinuated he knew she wasn't awake, she was dozing off/sleeping. I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing*[/quote]
Read her other comment, she said he didn’t think she was asleep, hasn’t everyone had sleepy morning sex, attempted rape? Come off it

SamphiretheStickerist · 13/02/2022 12:12

@RedCandyApple

I honestly wonder how people cope and have relationships, signing a contract every time they have sex, the op said he knew she was awake!
Because over time we grow to know what and how our partner likes sex. Attempting sex that has not been part of their normal routine without any conversation had upset OP and would equally upset other posters here.

Don't you fucking dare suggest those feelings are frigid, unreasonable, over the top, or any of the other minimising, dismissive terms used here.

BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 12:12

@Migrainesbythedozen but she wasn't FULLY ASLEEP as she clearly knew he was stroking her and pulling her underwear down and she told him to stop. Can you do all that when you're asleep?

RedCandyApple · 13/02/2022 12:13

She can be upset and should discuss it with him but LTB and attempted rape? Really

BronwenFrideswide · 13/02/2022 12:13

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SamphiretheStickerist · 13/02/2022 12:14

She should discuss it with him but there was no onus on him to discuss it?

Okey dokey!

thickthighs73 · 13/02/2022 12:15

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RedCandyApple · 13/02/2022 12:15

@SamphiretheStickerist

She should discuss it with him but there was no onus on him to discuss it?

Okey dokey!

So you discuss that you’re going to have sex each time before you do it?

Okey dokey!

SamphiretheStickerist · 13/02/2022 12:16

When it is sex that is not usual to us? Yep. There is always at least one question "do you fancy...?"

iklboo · 13/02/2022 12:17

@Yeahthat - yay! Thanks! I'll polish myself a medal.

Prettybubblesintheair · 13/02/2022 12:17

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pawpaws2022 · 13/02/2022 12:17

@thickthighs73 if you want to risk tearing and injuries. At a bare minimum you always use lube and you know a bit of warming up... fingers, toys. You don't just shove your penis up there so she says OW. Because that's good sex Confused

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 12:18

It's not possible to have anal without lube. That he was even trying says it all.

iklboo · 13/02/2022 12:18

@Yeahthat - oh, and you seemed to have missed the post that actually says

I see how it could have been confusing for him.

thickthighs73 · 13/02/2022 12:19

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DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 12:20

I love all the "Well, I don't mind being trussed up like a spatchcock chicken and being whipped with the Sunday supplement while having my head shaved with a rusty razor so I can't imagine why anybody else would have an issue with it".
Honestly OP, who fucking cares what other people do. This is about you and what felt right or wrong to you. Don't let anyone else minimise how you feel about what happened and do what you feel is right for you in response.

thickthighs73 · 13/02/2022 12:21

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Rantypanties · 13/02/2022 12:21

Calm down lads, @thickthighs73 says you can just jump into anal dry it’s fine! Hmm

You’re totally missing the point.

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