Online dating - what makes you immediately swipe left?

[aurynne]

We are back in lockdown in New Zealand after Delta variant cases were found in the community. In boredom, I have reactivated my online dating profile. Oh God, there we go again.

I thought I'd ask what makes you immediately swipe a potential partner's profile left? I wonder whether I am very superficial or if this is common among women (I am in my 40s):

• Very bushy beards - I don't mind a tidy beard, but bushes where bats can nest put me right off. New Zealand men appear to favour this look and I find it rank.

• Topless main profile photo - urgh!

• A smiling man holding a large fish - another urgh

• Photos of their car. I don't give a shit about your car. Especially when it's a decrepit crappy car... really?

• Pouting. It's bad enough in teenage girls. It's worse in middle-age women. But in a grown man? It's just bloody creepy. No.

• Spelling mistakes in their profile - this is a thing for me, I am very anal about spelling and grammar. I am fully aware I will be swiping left on lovely men, but I imagine a life of "your beautiful" and I gag.

What are your personal left-swipe triggers?

All of what you said, plus:

• any selfie taken in a car
• too many group shots (which one are you? Are you hoping I’ll think you’re the hot mate?)
• selfie taken while lying down in bed, like an after thought, usually with at least one double chin
• ‘kids are my life’
• ‘university of life’
• ‘prove me wrong…’
• ‘back here again’

Ugh. It’s making me shudder just remembering it. There’s some good ones in amongst the shit though. Good luck

Any guy posing in bed = I’m just here for sex.
Anyone who says he’s a gentleman. They never are. Expect a dick pic in 3,2,1….
Anyone who sticks his tongue out in photos.
Anyone who only has one photo on their profile.
Anyone who says ‘I’ll only bite if you want me to’ - spew.
Anyone who says ‘no drama’
Anyone who puts ‘just ask’ and nothing else on their profile
If they include lots of photos of themselves with pretty women
Anyone demanding ‘you better not…..etc’

To name a few

All of the above especially the topless photos, plus any photos of them in football shirts, holding a pint or smoking a fag

Someone messaged me on POF, I hadn't swiped him, he was saying how hot I was and how he liked my profile. I replied thanks, are you having a good day or some such other boring shite and he replied saying you have children, you should be concentrating on them, you are not for me 😂😂

My dc have both left school and are at college and uni, I think I'm allowed life now mate thanks 🤣

I'm a sapiosexual. Or any other nonsense.
The school of hard knocks
Hand up to show off tattoos.
I'm genuine.
I'm looking for extra...my wife doesn't give me sex anymore. Without a photo.
New here... they aren't!
Newly separated...it happened last week.
Loves banter...ick
The photos are old so include the wedding ring.
And the above!
I'm 49

All of the above plus blurry/ crap photos...I.mean ffs take a decent picture!

I agree about the bad grammar.

Also any sort of instruction eg no filters, no trout pout, don’t bother swiping if you’re not going to message etc. You’re not the boss of me mate.

I'm taking good note of all these, thank you. Soon there will be no profiles left

I’ve never done online dating, but remember my friend mentioning people who post pictures of them and all their friends - so it’s a picture of about 8 men and you have no idea which is the one you’re talking to!

Picture taken on a train. Obviously married or why else would you do that. Always a terrible angle with light bouncing off forehead and double chin. They don't want to put on a cheesy grin on the train so do a serial killer stare instead.

'Hello ladies'
Separated (they're always one stage more married than they tell you)
'Is there anyone real on here' - not compulsory to be here mate, if it's not for you then sod off.

Yeah, the men with the large fish always crack me up. They look chuffed to bits with their prize carp.

• photos of then trying on suits in shops. Tags still on.
• likes ‘having a laugh’ Seriously, who doesn’t?
• ‘no time wasters’
• the in bed with my arm behind my head trying to look casual pose.
• the ‘just ask’ lot
• the hints that they are a misogynist, or an incel.

Online dating is full of dreadful men, but there are some really good men out there too!

Okay, here are some of mine that haven’t already been mentioned:

• ‘I’m the type of man who will hold the door open for you but slap you on the arse on the way through’

• ‘I have a twisted sense of humour’

• ‘Looking for my princess’

• ‘Add me on Instagram/Snapchat’ etc

I’ve taken a break from OLD for a while, I’m starting to feel like I hate all men

Sideways photos. If you can't be arsed to upload properly, I can't be arsed to turn my screen.

Photos of them with their arm round a woman (presumably an ex). I guess proving that they’ve managed to pull before

yeah, the men with the large fish always crack me up. They look chuffed to bits with their prize carp

Actually, I married one of these; he's turned out fine and he's only been fishing twice in 16 years!

@Hottesttrikeintown

Photos of them with their arm round a woman (presumably an ex). I guess proving that they’ve managed to pull before

Yes, that's so weird. Why do they post those ones?

Here I am with an unexplained woman, maybe she's my wife, maybe she's my sister, maybe she's an ex, who knows, but it sure makes me sexy, right?

Fish photos mostly.

Also ‘own house and car’. I can see the attraction of this until the age of about 21, but after that it’s just like “yes…?”

All of the above.

I could probably write a thesis on this, but off the top of my head:

‘Kiddo is my niece/nephew/godson etc’ (usually in capital letters) - if you think a photo with a child might be ‘off-putting, why include it?

Cats - personally I hate cats so will instantly swipe away a man with a cat. Why assume all women like them? Same for ugly or vicious looking dogs.

Cropped cargo pants

‘Looking for a little spoon’ 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Any man putting lots of emphasis on his work and money and things, like they think having a good job and cash makes up for their empty personality.
Give me a poor man with a spark over rich damp squib.

But then any man putting the emphasis on their looks too puts me off a lot. I don't want to date Ken, I am no Barbie, I want to date for a fun time. So go away Mr fake tan and super styled and neat little beard.

Oh and one that really bothers me more than it really should. Men over 40 wearing skinny trousers, pointy shoes and no socks.. get some socks on man for goodness sake, you are not a 20 year old going clubbing anymore.

Oh and that's another one, 40 year old men in night clubs in a group shot with 18 year old kids, you are not 'down with da kids', just oddly out of place Mr beer belly.

I am going to stop now because I could be here all day and I have much work to do. 😁

Also, I think any negativity on a profile is highly off-putting. If you can’t even try and be positive for a first impression it doesn’t bode well. So a list of things someone doesn’t want is a automatic left swipe

Anyone who pops up again and again clearly with a new profile. Do they not realise we remember them?

‘Own house and car’. Yeah me too. Should I be impressed?

I’m a guy doing a bit of OLD and have looked at a few hundred female profiles recently and I can honestly say, just about everything above applies to women’s profiles as well, especially the comments above pictures, if I see one picture with stupid bunny ears or large groups of drunk woman (which is the one I’m talking too ) I think I will give up, we want to see Your Face, no selfies from the drivers seat of your car please, if you take a selfie in your house, maybe clear the washing out of the background and no pictures from skiing holidays, all I could see was a mask, oh and no pouting, and probably no smoking either ( that was just a straight no)

Also please don’t use phrases like
“Looking for an old fashioned gent “ what does this mean?

“My children are my world”, I’ve seen that a lot

“I will not message first “, why would you say that, instant no

“I’m bubbly”, what does that mean?, are you comparing yourself to an Aero bars?

And please please, use a spell checker, Reading the phrase “un judge mental” made we wince recently, as did “looking for a spceial gent “, both instant no’s

Sorry, Rant over.

I’ve seen a few profiles lately where the man is clad head to toe in branded designer clothing, usually styles that are too young for them. Ew

Filters

Profiles where the photos are all essentially the same, such as all selfies with the same facial expression. What’s the point?

‘Photoshoots’ in which all the profile pictures have clearly been taken on the same day but different outfits/backgrounds. I suppose it shows some effort but I’d be suspicious of someone who doesn’t have a few photos of themself from holidays/activities/social events etc

Obvious filters on photos
When every shot is a group shot
Gym selfies (extra quick swipe if they are topless)
Obviously old photos
Any negativity
Any "Princess" bollocks

Fish photos
Topless photos
Blurry photos
No blurb at all = lazy
I do find if you match, most don't message. What is the point of matching?? If they match from my like I'll send a message.

… oh and and what’s the deal with pets, I’ve seen so many pictures of women hiding their face behind a cat or a dog…