Online dating - what makes you immediately swipe left?

[aurynne]

We are back in lockdown in New Zealand after Delta variant cases were found in the community. In boredom, I have reactivated my online dating profile. Oh God, there we go again.

I thought I'd ask what makes you immediately swipe a potential partner's profile left? I wonder whether I am very superficial or if this is common among women (I am in my 40s):

• Very bushy beards - I don't mind a tidy beard, but bushes where bats can nest put me right off. New Zealand men appear to favour this look and I find it rank.

• Topless main profile photo - urgh!

• A smiling man holding a large fish - another urgh

• Photos of their car. I don't give a shit about your car. Especially when it's a decrepit crappy car... really?

• Pouting. It's bad enough in teenage girls. It's worse in middle-age women. But in a grown man? It's just bloody creepy. No.

• Spelling mistakes in their profile - this is a thing for me, I am very anal about spelling and grammar. I am fully aware I will be swiping left on lovely men, but I imagine a life of "your beautiful" and I gag.

What are your personal left-swipe triggers?

‘Own hair and teeth…’
‘No dramas’
And my particular favourite- ‘looking for a partner in crime’ Arrrggghh

Crappy, blurred pictures.
Selfies in a bathroom
Selfies in bed
Picture on massive motorbike.
Every picture with either a pint or their dog. Or both.
Any photo sticking their tongue out.

Yuck yuck yuck instant swipe left.

‘Kiddo is my niece/nephew/godson etc’ (usually in capital letters) - if you think a photo with a child might be ‘off-putting, why include it?

Cause they think being good with kids is a panty dropper.

Not that having your photo taken with kids makes you good with kids either.

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@liveforsummer
Yes, I see this a lot, I’m early 50’s (which seems to put lots of people off anyway) so the profiles I’m looking at are mostly ladies 45+ And see a comment along those lines on every 3rd or 4th profile[/quote]
Can't speak for everyone, and it's not something I'd put, but I imagine it means "don't send me any dick pics/ask me for nudes/try to initiate a sexting thing before we've even met up". Men can really be unbelievably skeevy on OLD.

Crappy, blurred pictures.
Selfies in a bathroom
Selfies in bed
Picture on massive motorbike.
Every picture with either a pint or their dog. Or both.
Any photo sticking their tongue out.

Apart from the motorbikes (mental note too self, must not do this !). You see almost all these on female profiles, personally don’t mind a picture of a dog, I like dogs

Any of the above, plus recently

Yoni Massage - no thank you
Anyone who has put a certain age in the title but then says in the blurb" aged actually xx can't change it"
Anyone who says You must look like your picture or you're buying the drinks until you do
Anyone who says they're 420 friendly (or whatever it is)
Anyone smoking
Anyone with no blurb at all
Anyone who is plainly lying about their age
Anyone who's into ethical non-monogamy (wtf is that)
Anyone who has a visible tattoo
Anyone who's shorter than 5'7
Anyone who doesn't have a degree
Anyone who's more than 10km away from me
Anyone with the aubergine emoji in their bio
Anyone who says they're curious. I always assume that's about sex
Anyone who is a sapiosexual - aren't we all?

(I don't swipe right on many people...).

Oh anyone at Heathrow Airport, Redbridge (I don't know where that is but alot of people seem to be there) or Enfield.

I had a photo of my kids on my profile. It was carefully chosen (with light / hair over their faces so you couldn’t really see them) but it felt important to show people that I had children right from the start.

You could always just mention it on your bio or tick the 'have kids' part of the about me that's shown without showing pictures of your dc to a publicly accessible site where a huge proportion of people are - let's face it - weirdos!

Statements along the lines of ‘first round is on me if you look as good in person as in your photos’ and ‘I don’t take myself too seriously and hope you won’t either’.
Photos in bed, in a bathroom mirror, photos showing them clearly wasted.

Swipe right :
Outdoorsy pics
Any normal looking pics actually because the majority are as described above
Bio makes me smile / laugh
Just normal sounding not creepy, gross etc - this is rare

Swipe left
Most of the above pp
Especially where they're already telling women what to do using their bio, or goady trying to influence women to prove themselves - screams 'narc'

I saw one that started the bio by saying he wanted someone clean and tidy. Weirdo.

The bit I find tricky is whether they want kids. I have one and undecided on more. OLD sites have a binary yes / no to the whether you want kids question. I find it hard to answer, usually put yes but actually I'd want a conversation with someone and it would absolutely depend on a range of things. I tend to assume that if a guy has put no in answer to this question they really mean no. But I recognise the yes could be undecided like me. And it's not necessarily something I'd want to ask about on a first date as I wouldn't want to come across as desperate to get pregnant. Though, haven't dated in 10 years so not a pressing issue.

You see almost all these on female profiles, personally don’t mind a picture of a dog, I like dogs

I don't think this is a man/woman thing - it'd just about what personally makes you swipe left.

I had to google yoni massage.

When they use the opening line, "Hello Trouble" - surely you'd never say that to anyone over the age of 10?

Pictures that are obviously taken years apart. The ones where you have to scroll back to check it's the same person

Oh and photos taken in the toilet/bathroom

I've had a couple who described themselves as "flaneurs". After googling it, I swiped left.

I thought of some more:

“If you don’t look like your photos you’re buying the drinks until you do” 🥱

“Banter” - code for I am incapable of serious conversation

Anyone swearing at the camera. An instant left swipe no matter what the rest of the profile is like.

Also, any mention of sarcasm or being sarcastic

This thread is a goldmine.

So far, for a man to guarantee a 100% left-swipe strike rate he must include a blurry topless photo of his smoking, tattooed, smoking, tongue-out (really?) sapio-sexual pouting bearded self holding a carp, in bed, on his motorbike, his glass half-full, in a mirror in a motorway services bathroom with a condom machine visible and also his wedding ring, a child, and his dog.

Oh, and waving a mis-spelled yoni massage degree with an aubergine emoji on it (note to self: never thought of that one).

Have I missed anything?

Oh Jesus, too many to mention:

• being facially licked by dogs
• proudly touching or beside an endangered species (tigers seem particularly common)
• children (they're often not even their own)
• family members
• large group photo of men (guess who?)
• tongues out.....
• topless
• pretending to be asleep
• sunglasses
• hat (hair needs to be seen)
• black and white photos only
• "old school"
• "real gent"
• "this profile is 100% genuine"
• "I'm 100% single"
• expressing what they don't want..
• not looking for drama or anyone with crazy exes

I could go on on and on....

Mine have probably all been listed but -

Filters
They have a Snapchat account
Snowboarding/any other sport action photos (usually there's more than one) where I can't see the face due to helmet
Negativity lists - 'swipe left if you have fillers, filters, kids, drama, eyebrows' blah blah blah. Instantly makes me mad despite having none of the above (except eyebrows!).
Group photos

And the one that annoys me the most - if we match send a message or else will unmatch. How about YOU send a message?!

Hey can anyone elaborate on why car selfies are bad? I don't have one but isn't it just a picture where you're sitting inside your car and you've done a face selfie? Or is it where he's leaning against his car in a cringy pose?

I agree with so much of what has already been said but want to add gold teeth, face tats and flesh tunnels 😨😨😨

Do some men prefer women without eyebrows?

*bad eyebrows.

You know, the fashion for really bold eyebrows.

Hey can anyone elaborate on why car selfies are bad? I don't have one but isn't it just a picture where you're sitting inside your car and you've done a face selfie?

So I see these on a lot of profiles (I’m male, so I’m taking female profiles here), and they tend to taken from the drivers seat, so it’s really really close up , with no framing, some times shopping on the back seat, or in a Tesco car park, sometimes at night with the flash on, they just seem really unflattering ( sorry 😣)