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Original poster

Online dating - what makes you immediately swipe left?

211 replies

aurynne · 21/08/2021 00:17

We are back in lockdown in New Zealand after Delta variant cases were found in the community. In boredom, I have reactivated my online dating profile. Oh God, there we go again.

I thought I'd ask what makes you immediately swipe a potential partner's profile left? I wonder whether I am very superficial or if this is common among women (I am in my 40s):

  • Very bushy beards - I don't mind a tidy beard, but bushes where bats can nest put me right off. New Zealand men appear to favour this look and I find it rank.
  • Topless main profile photo - urgh!
  • A smiling man holding a large fish - another urgh
  • Photos of their car. I don't give a shit about your car. Especially when it's a decrepit crappy car... really?
  • Pouting. It's bad enough in teenage girls. It's worse in middle-age women. But in a grown man? It's just bloody creepy. No.
  • Spelling mistakes in their profile - this is a thing for me, I am very anal about spelling and grammar. I am fully aware I will be swiping left on lovely men, but I imagine a life of "your beautiful" and I gag.

What are your personal left-swipe triggers?

OP posts:
DivorcedAndDelighted · 21/08/2021 09:12

It's good to have your own personal OLD filters like this, but it's interesting how subjective some of them are. I am enjoying this thread OP - I'm not criticising here, but musing a bit.
When I did OLD I liked the topless pics if it showed a good body - surely thinking "phwoooar!" is a good start! If a bloke is fit and looks good, why wouldn't he want to show it off? I had a photo of myself in gym gear on my profile so perhaps that turned some people off.

Some of these things are indicators of social class, and as many are more comfortable dating within their own social class, maybe that's being effective as a filter.
Carp fishing in the UK is very much a working class hobby. A man with this on his profile is telling you he's a bloke with a hobby - that could be good!
Lax spelling and grammar generally indicates either not educated to a high level, or perhaps dyslexia. Our writing serves to communicate meaning, and also to communicate our social class, like an accent.
Sometimes we want different things at different times of life. Having been very impressed by education in my youth, and educated to a high level myself, I've found that in my late 40s this doesn't matter to me. I get on better with men who share my sense of humour than men who've got as many degrees as me.

TourneeDuChatNoir · 21/08/2021 09:19

"i dont take myself to serious" (sic) = I am an immature cock and have never had a proper job.

"Is there anyone real/genuine on here?" = I have never had a response to any of the messages I have fired off, and for some reason I think it's a good idea to advertise that.

"Non-vanilla" = I will probably try to slap or choke you without asking.

"Not looking to sleep with the whole site" = I totally would if they would have me, but I think that it makes me look discerning if I say otherwise. It's not arrogant at all to assume that I'm the one with the power of choice.

One thing I really hate in messages is "So what are you looking for on here?" I state very clearly on my profile what it is that I'm looking for, so either they haven't read it or they're hoping I'll reply "Why, a lot of hot sex, of course!" and we'll then have a sexting session. The former is probably more likely.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 21/08/2021 09:22

YY to "sapiosexual". I got chatting to one man who put this on his profile. I asked him if he'd like me to send a photo of my degree certificates but it turned out he wasn't quite that kinky 😂

Photos of a car, esp if the man isn't even in the pic.
Photos of a very ugly dog. One man had several pics of his dog, with his face a blurry oversight. I thought it endearing that he loved his dog so much he thought it would win him a girlfriend.

Biggest turn off for me was staged photos that looked like they were from a modelling shoot. Especially the ones taken in bed where the man has his head on a pillow, looking at the camera with what he hopes is a soulful expression. Just looked like they either a) fancied themselves rotten, or b) were trying to pull women on an industrial scale that made it worth investing in a professional photoshoot.

liveforsummer · 21/08/2021 09:38

Ooh yes, sapiosexual - I've seen that a few times recently. Had to google the meaning initially. Seems code for thinking they are above most. The professional photos I assume are fake accounts!

bathsh3ba · 21/08/2021 09:47

Any photo taken in or on or by a bed.
Any half naked photos.
'No drama'
Below 5'8 - sorry

Treetops73 · 21/08/2021 10:05

Ah, thanks @category12!

GreyCarpet · 21/08/2021 10:06

I don't know, I always read, "Don't take myself too seriously" as - I'm not a stuck up arse and I won't be a dick if I screw up - happy to laugh at myself and won't go off in a sulk if you laugh at me too.

seensome · 21/08/2021 10:06

Travelling the world types and comments such as give me travel tips for... why would I I'm not your travel agent!

'Likes banter' means I want your number so I can be a sex pest.

Standing in a group of mates drinking, fine if you're in your 20's not so desirable in your 40's and looking for a partner to settle down with.

Fingers up swearing to the camera, I've seen too many timesConfused

And as someone else posted earlier, 'don't take themselves seriously' comments, so many write this on their profile, it just makes them sound so careless.

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse · 21/08/2021 10:07

Any man who sets his preferred age range as from 15 years younger to his own age. Even if I fall within it it’s a massive no from me.

TourneeDuChatNoir · 21/08/2021 10:32

Oh yes, the 40 year old men who are looking for women aged 25 to 38. I'd like to say they're kidding themselves but I see threads on here all the time about age gap relationships with younger women/older men, so I suspect it does work out for them sometimes.

AttaGirrrrl · 21/08/2021 11:07

It’s kind of reassuring that some differences of opinion are appearing here.

Unlike some of you, I’d not automatically swipe left on photos of the outdoors / kids / Lycra, but I would definitely take umbrage with the ‘likes a laugh’ lot and the topless photos.

If we all liked the same thing, it would never work though would it?

category12 · 21/08/2021 11:23

If we all liked the same thing, it would never work though would it?

Yes, I mean some women might look at man being licked by dog and think aww cute, which is good for him and her. Me going ick means I don't waste his time or mine Grin

JustAnother0ldMan · 21/08/2021 11:26

I quite being outside, so outdoors pictures would work for me, but while I’m here a quick question,

One quite a lot of female profiles I see phrases like
“Want to be treated like a lady”, or “want to meet an old fashioned gent”, is this female code for “I want to the guy to pay for everything? “

liveforsummer · 21/08/2021 11:27

I just could not trust the judgment of any man who thinks putting pictures of their (or someone else's) dc on a public dating profile is acceptable! I often wonder if the other parent/parents are aware. Id be horrified if it were my dc.

liveforsummer · 21/08/2021 11:29

@JustAnother0ldMan

I quite being outside, so outdoors pictures would work for me, but while I’m here a quick question,

One quite a lot of female profiles I see phrases like
“Want to be treated like a lady”, or “want to meet an old fashioned gent”, is this female code for “I want to the guy to pay for everything? “

Possibly but might just mean opening doors etc. Do people still write that though?
category12 · 21/08/2021 11:39

“Want to be treated like a lady”, or “want to meet an old fashioned gent”, is this female code for “I want to the guy to pay for everything?"

Maybe. But maybe she just means she doesn't want to get hit up for hook ups?

RosaMoline · 21/08/2021 11:40

What most people have said already
Plus:
‘glass half full type of person’
‘Looking for a partner in crime’
Snapchat filters - bad enough on females, but blokes..really?!?

Original poster
aurynne · 21/08/2021 11:40

Absolutely, I am very happy that some profiles make me swipe left, they will be available for women who like that kind of stuff. Me, for instance, I love hiking, so a photo at the top of a mountain, by a lake or in a stunning place in nature will win me over, while for other women it's a putoff. "I love to spend whole weekends on Netflix" is a massive turnoff for me, I never watch TV and don't even have a Netflix account, and the phrase brings images of fat potatoes glued to a sofa, which is definitely not me, but it will be a dream come true for some homebodies who love movies and relaxing on the sofa on weekends. All theirs!

OP posts:
category12 · 21/08/2021 11:45

@liveforsummer

I just could not trust the judgment of any man who thinks putting pictures of their (or someone else's) dc on a public dating profile is acceptable! I often wonder if the other parent/parents are aware. Id be horrified if it were my dc.
Yes, I don't like it either, it's just not appropriate and children deserve privacy. I think as a parent you should be careful about how you use your child's image, because it's theirs.

The embarrassing photos of our youths are largely in photo albums for sharing with family at worst - the embarrassing photos of their youths shouldn't be all over the internet.

JustAnother0ldMan · 21/08/2021 11:50

@liveforsummer
Yes, I see this a lot, I’m early 50’s (which seems to put lots of people off anyway) so the profiles I’m looking at are mostly ladies 45+ And see a comment along those lines on every 3rd or 4th profile

liveforsummer · 21/08/2021 11:53

Ladies 45+ probably are just wanting a more traditional relationship with a bit of respect rather than blokes with kinks wanting ons and threesomes. (Sure most under 45 are wanting that too tbf)

Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2021 11:58

@JustAnother0ldMan

I quite being outside, so outdoors pictures would work for me, but while I’m here a quick question,

One quite a lot of female profiles I see phrases like
“Want to be treated like a lady”, or “want to meet an old fashioned gent”, is this female code for “I want to the guy to pay for everything? “

‘Stop sending me dick pics’ in some cases I expect
GreyCarpet · 21/08/2021 14:13

Yeah, it means I expect to be treated with respect. Don't be telling me your masturbation habits in the second message.

For some women, it might mean, "I expect a man to pay for me," But most women just want to be treated like human beings.

AttaGirrrrl · 21/08/2021 15:11

@liveforsummer

I just could not trust the judgment of any man who thinks putting pictures of their (or someone else's) dc on a public dating profile is acceptable! I often wonder if the other parent/parents are aware. Id be horrified if it were my dc.
I had a photo of my kids on my profile. It was carefully chosen (with light / hair over their faces so you couldn’t really see them) but it felt important to show people that I had children right from the start.
friendlyflicka · 21/08/2021 15:37

I quite like fish photos, but then I really like fish - loves of ponds in my garden and I gaze into them.

I don't mind 'doesn't take himself too seriously' type comments because I have met loads of incredibly earnest people on line and I quite like to be fairly jokey and light-hearted.

I find the people annoying where you read through the whole profile and it basically says nothing: ie loves walking along the beach, log fires, and sunsets and various other things that most of the human race wouldn't turn down.

And very soppy profiles with lots about how much they like cuddles etc.

I like profiles which actually try to say something about the person accurately and what they are looking for, rather than a whole string of cliches