Online dating - what makes you immediately swipe left?

[aurynne]

We are back in lockdown in New Zealand after Delta variant cases were found in the community. In boredom, I have reactivated my online dating profile. Oh God, there we go again.

I thought I'd ask what makes you immediately swipe a potential partner's profile left? I wonder whether I am very superficial or if this is common among women (I am in my 40s):

• Very bushy beards - I don't mind a tidy beard, but bushes where bats can nest put me right off. New Zealand men appear to favour this look and I find it rank.

• Topless main profile photo - urgh!

• A smiling man holding a large fish - another urgh

• Photos of their car. I don't give a shit about your car. Especially when it's a decrepit crappy car... really?

• Pouting. It's bad enough in teenage girls. It's worse in middle-age women. But in a grown man? It's just bloody creepy. No.

• Spelling mistakes in their profile - this is a thing for me, I am very anal about spelling and grammar. I am fully aware I will be swiping left on lovely men, but I imagine a life of "your beautiful" and I gag.

What are your personal left-swipe triggers?

Shopping in the back seat 😂😂😂

I guess better then a bathroom selfie with an unflushed turd in the toilet bowl.

@JustAnother0ldMan I've given up for now! It was becoming too depressing!

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@Macaroni46
So what’s it like as female trying to date in our age range, ‘cos as a man it’s pretty crap[/quote]
You might have more luck if you refer to women as women, not as females.
I don't mean this unkindly, more as a heads up.
It would be worth noting the things that women swipe left for, and making sure you don't do those.
Best of luck

Ps I met DH through a blind date that a friend arranged

@GreyCarpet you are spot on with both the sweetshop and Amazon mentality and also that if someone could easily meet people in real life they wouldn't bother being online!

@Thortful
Thanks, but have decided to give up, as @Macaroni46 says, too depressing

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@Thortful
Thanks, but have decided to give up, as @Macaroni46 says, too depressing[/quote]
Don't blame either of you! I'm happily married but if I were to become single again there's no way I'd do online dating now.

Tight trousers
Yellow teeth
‘Ladies’
‘Females’
‘Share the good things in life’
Star signs
Bad grammar / spelling

[quote Danceswithwhippets]@NoBetterthanSheShouldBe

dirty/very dated/institutional decor in the background

Damn, this means I'll have to delete those pre-release Broadmoor photos.[/quote]
For some reason I seem to attract men who urgently need housing, or who are living with their mum. In their 60s.

@NoBetterthanSheShouldBe

I don’t mind fish or outdoors shots… I’m more inclined to believe you like hiking if you have all the gear. Love sapiosexuals like me.

Off-putting:

dirty/very dated/institutional decor in the background.
Dogs around faces or on furniture
All pics are at the pub
Photos obviously several years old
Poor spelling and grammar

‘X has not written anything yet. Perhaps he is shy.’ Perhaps he’s lazy.

Add to the decor - bedroom shots tell a lot. One man had a single bed with football bedding. Many still have valance sheets 😱

@Thortful
So here the issue, I see a profile I like, I send a ‘like’, the woman looks at my profile, some ‘ like’ it back, so far so good, I send an introduction message to those who have liked me and it’s just ignored or I’m blocked

why is that ?, I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this but why don’t some women have the decency to at least reply with a thanks but no thanks?

I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this but why don’t some women have the decency to at least reply with a thanks but no thanks

I appreciate it's good manners but let's be honest there is zero emotional investment at that stage of the process. Its a bit brutal and I have been there when I have spent some time writing a nice message only to get nothing back. I always sent a message politely declining to take things further if I had actually met someone but would you honestly feel much better if you rejection had been formally acknowledged?

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@Thortful
So here the issue, I see a profile I like, I send a ‘like’, the woman looks at my profile, some ‘ like’ it back, so far so good, I send an introduction message to those who have liked me and it’s just ignored or I’m blocked

why is that ?, I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this but why don’t some women have the decency to at least reply with a thanks but no thanks?[/quote]
I'm sure I've seen you ask this question on other threads, but the reason I don't do that is because men can turn nasty when you "reject" them and send you an abusive message back. You might think it's the "decent" thing to do but why should I open myself up to that sort of behaviour for the sake of a man to whom I owe nothing?

@JustAnother0ldMan it’s not just women who do this, I don’t get it either. Why engage if you’re not going to take it further. If you don’t like me dont ‘like’me - I can take it! But to do so then ignore or block is rude and disrespectful.

I appreciate I’m in a minority though as someone doing OLD who has manners/standards.

@TourneeDuChatNoir
Thanks, hadn’t thought about it that way before

Tbh because any response at all, no matter how negative, has a strong tendency to result in someone who won't leave you alone. The 'like' was a smile on the escalator, no more than that.

What do you say in your opening message?

@PermanentTemporary

Tbh because any response at all, no matter how negative, has a strong tendency to result in someone who won't leave you alone. The 'like' was a smile on the escalator, no more than that.

Yes to this. I used to feel bad for not replying so would say at least a thanks, that's kind, sort of message back to particularly nice-flattering-made an effort opening messages, (rather than the 'hi's and hey's). But then I found that they would just grab on to this and wouldn't take the hint so I now just don't reply.

On Plenty of Fish (which I don't rate so far) I've accidentally hit like and I can't unlike it.

I had one who's hobbies were listed as "all the usual pastimes".

@torquewench

I had one who's hobbies were listed as "all the usual pastimes".

I read that as "going to the pub and watching football" largely because I'd imagine that he couldn't conceive of a man who doesn't do that.

@DillonPanthersTexas

I'm a bloke and have not been OLD for some time but for me the big turn offs on profiles generally had the following:

"I like the finer things in life" - I don't open my purse on dates

"Impress me" - I'm not your performing monkey

"I love laughing" - insightful

"My friends tell me I look like…[name of gorgeous star]." - well your photos suggest otherwise

"Don't bother messaging me if…" - Long list of preferences that rule out 99% men

"As a Taurus...." - grow up

"I'm crazy/whacky/my friends think I'm mad" - yes, yes you are

Any professional studio photos/filters/bunny ears

Text speak or crap spelling

No written profile except for a pithy "message me if you want to know more"

Too many pet cat photos

Clichéd doing a hand stand on beach in Thailand photo

One bloke told me that there are so many profiles of women doing handstands!

My friend has a picture of herself doing the splits on hers. She gets loads of swipes right

On the bathroom selfie theme, I saw one photo that a man had taken in a hospital cubicle. He was holding a crutch and wearing the hospital gown (that tied up at the back). I wonder if he really expected to get a right swipe?!

I do remember the man in his 60s on a hookup site who had chosen the nickname 'lonelyoldsoul'. Hardly an invitation to a Bacchanal.

@DivorcedAndDelighted
"YY to "sapiosexual". I got chatting to one man who put this on his profile. I asked him if he'd like me to send a photo of my degree certificates but it turned out he wasn't quite that kinky "

This had me in stitches!
Loving the username too

Well somebody might like you after viewing your profile and then be put off by your opening message and not want to be drawn into a conversation with you. I wouldn’t say it’s disrespectful, nobody owes anything at that stage.

@JustAnother0ldMan

The other reason people might like you but not respond is that they might not have paid for the site. Depends on which site but you can’t always reply without stumping up money and some people are just dipping a toe in.

Also I never reply to messages where they could cut and paste their message to anyone. I like to know they’ve actually read my profile otherwise I assume they are spamming everyone with the same message.

Many still have valance sheets

Totally off topic @liveforsummer but what’s wrong with a valance? What else should I cover my divan with?