Online dating - what makes you immediately swipe left?

[aurynne]

We are back in lockdown in New Zealand after Delta variant cases were found in the community. In boredom, I have reactivated my online dating profile. Oh God, there we go again.

I thought I'd ask what makes you immediately swipe a potential partner's profile left? I wonder whether I am very superficial or if this is common among women (I am in my 40s):

• Very bushy beards - I don't mind a tidy beard, but bushes where bats can nest put me right off. New Zealand men appear to favour this look and I find it rank.

• Topless main profile photo - urgh!

• A smiling man holding a large fish - another urgh

• Photos of their car. I don't give a shit about your car. Especially when it's a decrepit crappy car... really?

• Pouting. It's bad enough in teenage girls. It's worse in middle-age women. But in a grown man? It's just bloody creepy. No.

• Spelling mistakes in their profile - this is a thing for me, I am very anal about spelling and grammar. I am fully aware I will be swiping left on lovely men, but I imagine a life of "your beautiful" and I gag.

What are your personal left-swipe triggers?

Oh yeah, picture of him cuddling a dog or it licking his face 😔. Not a big fan of dogs being all over you, like them fine if they're well trained, so wouldn't be put off say by a picture of him and dog on walk, or it sat at his feet. But if it looks like it'll be on the sofa and trying to get between you, it's a big nope.

Another one here to defend fish guy. An ex of mine, the nicest, Kindest, most wonderful man you could meet is an avid fisherman (we broke up because it became a long distance relationship) But seriously, you could all be missing a trick here! (the ex is married now BTW, so you won't find him. Just a general defence of men who fish 😁)

@aurynne

I'm taking good note of all these, thank you. Soon there will be no profiles left

Well, yes, this is the problem isn’t it? I ‘finished’ Bumble in one evening I’m not sure if that says more about me or the men on it.

@JustAnother0ldMan - interesting to see this from the opposite side. Men don’t tend to use filters, but other than that, all of your additions also apply. Depressing.

@JustAnother0ldMan agree it’s interesting to hear it from a man’s side - I don’t do any of those things, phew 😂

Children are my world is so cringe from a man or woman, does it really need saying?

I did old nearly 20 years' ago now when it wasn't hip and trendy 😂. I don't think much has changed, I did meet my Dh on there eventually.

I avoided:

Bare chest pics
Pics of their car (why would I be interested?)
Pics that looked extremely old (means they don't look anything like that now).
Men that wanted someone "active that goes to the gym"...as that's clearly not me.
Men who want someone "adventurous and outdoorsy"....as that's clearly not me 😂
Grammar if it was really bad would put me off a bit.
I just tried to look for the normal ones but they were very few and far between. Most either sounded like they were looking for a woman younger way way out of their league to be honest. I'd hate to be doing it now I'm nearly 50 as I'm sure the only men that would be contacting me would be over 70

Oh and I married fish guy too. He's a good egg 😂

Utes
University of life or School of hard knocks
Dead deer or stag or boar (I’m in NZ too OP)
Stuff like “you probably won’t message me back”

Unattractive, too old or young, bad grammar, pretentious, profile image of a soldier/ fireman that says its them but so obviously is just downloaded from the Internet.

• Badges on profile pics - the current one seems to be about being jabbed

• nothing written in bio

• any picture of abs, self in mirror, in bed

• anyone that rants about people being rude, stuck up, not replying etc

• has a child in a picture

• anyone that hints at fetish or kink, usually being a Dom, probably just read 50 shades of grey and fancied a bit of that or watches too much porn and thinks that's how it's done l/ can't get turned on the regular way as a result Will be shit in bed!

• filters

• anyone scaling a mountain or other such extreme action shots

• people who claim they dislike tv and SM. You're on it now mate and I love a weekend Netflix binge, we aren't suited!

Any man....I'm sick of their shit and just not interested in them anymore.

Have nothing against fish guy as long as there are other pictures as well as the fish. Not the worst hobby. I'd give cycling Lycra guy a wide swerve though

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Any reference to being very sarcastic. I don't actually mind sarcasm but people who thinks it makes them so wittily acerbic that it needs mentioning is a bore.

It's been a few years for me, and I couldn't do it again. It grinds you down a bit in the end as it's so littered with the same old ahit.

"I don't take myself too seriously" WTAF does that really translate to?

Pics taken in mirrors in pubs. Urinals in background. Zero self awareness or class.

Oh. I also have a fish man. Agree if it's only pic they put up it makes them look dull.

I’m glad I’m not the only one put off by these things in OLD!

A couple more:

“Not vanilla” - what does that mean?! Is it code for particular sexual kinks?

Photos taken in the mirror of the gents toilet in a bar/restaurant. With the urinals or a condom machine visible behind them. Why?! 😂

“Not vanilla” - what does that mean?! Is it code for particular sexual kinks?

Yes - means they're into BDSM.

I'm new to online dating but already got a few things I avoid. The ones who message you with god awful pick up lines, especially the crazy over sexual ones that aren't actually funny.

The profiles with no pictures, I always assume they are married.

Anyone who calls me a milf.

Profiles that say they have been hurt before... so have we all that's why we are here 🤦‍♀️

'I don't take myself too seriously' - agreed, no idea what this means and always imagine it ends with 'but I will expect you to'

However, I'm mildly embarrassed to say it's 100 x worse if it's 'i don't take myself too serious' argh

Oh yes, no pictures or ones with their eyes blacked out or edited to try to be unidentifiable - who precisely do you think you're fooling?

Plus "discreet".

A big list of what they don’t want rather than what they’re looking for.

Fish men, motorcyclist, baldies trying to hide it (I don’t care either way but the secrecy makes me laugh) & naff T-shirt’s like marvel, superdry :)

@PermanentTemporary

'I don't take myself too seriously' - agreed, no idea what this means and always imagine it ends with 'but I will expect you to'

However, I'm mildly embarrassed to say it's 100 x worse if it's 'i don't take myself too serious' argh

Ohh this too! It’s code for ‘lacks ambition’.

Your comment about kiwis and their beards made me laugh, so true!!

So many points I was going to say have already been mentioned but the main one for me is when the bloke is basically inviting ‘I’m not like other girls’ comments, eg they’re negative about anything beauty related or stereotypically feminine. It always strikes me as so sneery!! Same with ‘university of life’ comments or anything along the lines of ‘so if you’re XYZ, don’t bother’

That being said, my now-husbands profile picture when we met (admittedly not technically online dating but not a million miles away) was a photo of his tractor so what do I know? 😂

"“I’m bubbly”, what does that mean?, are you comparing yourself to an Aero bars?"

This is priceless

"I'm genuine and honest and loyal" - I wonder at anyone who needs to make a point of that, and assume the opposite is true.
"Looking for a partner in crime" - cringe.
"Traditional or old fashioned values" - probably sexist, but handy for a free date maybe.

@AttaGirrrrl, @Nightmarenextdoor
I could write an essay on the things I’ve seen, what is it with horses, sooo many pictures of women on horseback, and taken from so far away all you see is big horse with a little dot on top 🤷🏼‍♂️.

I think for every 100 profiles I see ( filters etc applied), I would probably ‘like’, about 15, of those, normally about 6 or 7 will actually look at my profile, of those, normally about 3 or 4 will send back a ‘like’, so those are the people I look to message, of those, probably 0 or 1 will actually reply.

So my reply rate is probably about 1 in every 200 or 300 profiles, so Yeah, disappointing is the word I would use.