Online dating - what makes you immediately swipe left?

[aurynne]

We are back in lockdown in New Zealand after Delta variant cases were found in the community. In boredom, I have reactivated my online dating profile. Oh God, there we go again.

I thought I'd ask what makes you immediately swipe a potential partner's profile left? I wonder whether I am very superficial or if this is common among women (I am in my 40s):

• Very bushy beards - I don't mind a tidy beard, but bushes where bats can nest put me right off. New Zealand men appear to favour this look and I find it rank.

• Topless main profile photo - urgh!

• A smiling man holding a large fish - another urgh

• Photos of their car. I don't give a shit about your car. Especially when it's a decrepit crappy car... really?

• Pouting. It's bad enough in teenage girls. It's worse in middle-age women. But in a grown man? It's just bloody creepy. No.

• Spelling mistakes in their profile - this is a thing for me, I am very anal about spelling and grammar. I am fully aware I will be swiping left on lovely men, but I imagine a life of "your beautiful" and I gag.

What are your personal left-swipe triggers?

@AttaGirrrrl

Many still have valance sheets

Totally off topic @liveforsummer but what’s wrong with a valance? What else should I cover my divan with?

I'm not sure - I've not seen one except in dated holiday accommodation for years. But there's something about a single man with a frilly sheet that's off putting. 🤣

@KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse (love that user name BTW, big Father Ted fan, ).
Thanks for the response, I’ve decided not to worry about that (their loss right 😂😂).
Anyhow I revamped my profile over the weekend based on the comments on this thread, selfie’s are all new, all outside, no annoying backgrounds, no arse cracks, goatee neatly trimmed, bit of skincare applied, etc ( I’m still ugly, but what can you do)
So, got 3 new likes last night ( is Sunday night searching OLD night?), and 2 women messaged me.
One said “ I was handsome and didn’t look my age “ , bit of backhanded compliment maybe 🤔 , so all good and thanks for the thread !

@AttaGirrrrl

Many still have valance sheets

Totally off topic @liveforsummer but what’s wrong with a valance? What else should I cover my divan with?

Maybe PP was referring to the frilly valances. Don't know which one you've got but I think the flat sort of non wavy/frilly ones look really nice?!

Moustache but otherwise clean shaven. Just not keen on solo moustaches! Or anti-woman rants. But presumably they are not expecting likes?

Car shots make me nervous they might be car obsessed. If it's a lovely vintage car, fine; that's a hobby. But I don't really want to be with someone whose everyday, standard car is important to them. It's a smelly, dirty, dangerous means of transport that gives me motion sickness. I don't want a partner who gets grumpy if I am not impressed by his car's engine, how fast it goes or how many speeding tickets he racks up every year.

got 3 new likes last night
Ooh, result!

I'm sure it's been mentioned before, but.

• Snapchat dog ear/nose filter
• In fact, any obvious filter (cabbage head potentially excused for lols)
• Opening line explains age is wrong but can't change it
• Instagram handle in the bio (more so if accompanied by I don't check this often)
• Obvious sugar babies
• Anything with strong catfish vibes

Frilly valance sheet says one of the following two:

1. I live with my mum
2. I don’t live with my mum, but she lets herself in to collect my dirty washing and make my bed

I’m not single but my friend is and we are always having a laugh at her tinder profile. Some of the icks we get are
Any guy wearing long shorts (past the knees)
Any guy in hi vis
Very large dirty beards
Pictures of them posing on motorbikes
Fish photos
Nasal septum rings
Dreadlocks
Separated
Works in the mines (Australia)
I’m sure there’s more, Will think of some

Lighthearted only!

Alarm bells ring for me the profile contains all of the above, and/or says:

Tactile (sex pest)
Happy go lucky (feckless)
Females (dislikes women)
Passionate (gagging for it)
Unconventional (sexual deviant)
I like animals well done (you’d hate my pets!)
Cheer me up (miserable old git)

So that rules out 99% of candidates! Or maybe I’m overthinking it!

Also pay close attention to the user name

Derek46- 75 year old
JustALad - middle aged Peter Pan
Coachman - bus driver
WineNot - alcoholic in denial.

I give a swerve to any man who uses the word "females" too. It's got MRA vives but it also makes me think of the dad from Friday Night Dinner. He's very funny but I imagine he would be an unrelenting nightmare to actually be married to.

@JustAnother0ldMan best of luck to you!

@TourneeDuChatNoir

I give a swerve to any man who uses the word "females" too. It's got MRA vives but it also makes me think of the dad from Friday Night Dinner. He's very funny but I imagine he would be an unrelenting nightmare to actually be married to.

Yes you don't get many women going around referring to men as males, do you? I worked for a man who referred to all women as females. He was a lecherous old git - and definitely had a superiority complex.

Yes, incels refer to women as "females" and it gives me the ick.

@Bbub yes I meant the frilly valance 😆

As opposed to Holly Valance

Seeing as I only go out with blokes with big dirty beards and motorbikes that particular swipe left doesn't apply to me .
That describes most bikers.

I didn't know "females" was an incel term. Is it used because the noun "female" is normally reserved for animals?

Agree that women don't normally call men "males" and would find it odd. Why do non-incel men use it; do they think the word "women" should be avoided for some reason?

'Ethically non-monogamous' has me swiping left.

Females makes me think of the Ferengi.

As an aside, I noticed that men on this forum are referred to as men, blokes, guys etc ( all 3 on this page), any particular reason for this, are they all interchangeable terms or is there some subtle distinction in use or is just how language is used.

I have always been fascinated how different people use different terms to describe the same thing.

Now that I think about it, I don't know. I don't really use "guys" because it's not a common regionalism where I am (at least not in my age group), but I use bloke and man pretty much interchangeably. It might be an age/region thing?

I usually say man but occasionally bloke. Don't really like 'guy' and especially don't like 'you guys' though I generally keep that opinion to myself. My 83 yo mother still refers to boys and girls, which I let flow by me, but I never say it unless they are actually children

@Thortful

I usually say man but occasionally bloke. Don't really like 'guy' and especially don't like 'you guys' though I generally keep that opinion to myself. My 83 yo mother still refers to boys and girls, which I let flow by me, but I never say it unless they are actually children

Ie my brothers, both over 60, are the boys. Her 70+ friends are girls.

I’m enjoying this thread. I’m not single and met my dh online so I just wanted to say there is hope!

@ClawedButler

Yes, incels refer to women as "females" and it gives me the ick.

and Martin Goodman of course.

"I've spent more time than I should on MN recently so I've begun to think that perhaps it's the norm. I'm glad to hear that it isn't"

I don't think you can conclude that OLD is not the norm just by Grey Carpet saying they use the old fashioned way. Most couples I know who got together recently seem to have used OLD and it seems to me that people asking each other out in the pub has become much less common, flirting at work is even becoming a bit taboo and social activities haven't even existed for much of the last 18 months.