Online dating - what makes you immediately swipe left?

[aurynne]

We are back in lockdown in New Zealand after Delta variant cases were found in the community. In boredom, I have reactivated my online dating profile. Oh God, there we go again.

I thought I'd ask what makes you immediately swipe a potential partner's profile left? I wonder whether I am very superficial or if this is common among women (I am in my 40s):

• Very bushy beards - I don't mind a tidy beard, but bushes where bats can nest put me right off. New Zealand men appear to favour this look and I find it rank.

• Topless main profile photo - urgh!

• A smiling man holding a large fish - another urgh

• Photos of their car. I don't give a shit about your car. Especially when it's a decrepit crappy car... really?

• Pouting. It's bad enough in teenage girls. It's worse in middle-age women. But in a grown man? It's just bloody creepy. No.

• Spelling mistakes in their profile - this is a thing for me, I am very anal about spelling and grammar. I am fully aware I will be swiping left on lovely men, but I imagine a life of "your beautiful" and I gag.

What are your personal left-swipe triggers?

[quote Macaroni46]@DisgruntledPelican unfortunately in my experience so many don't have own house or car!
I had a few dates with a guy a couple of years ago who was living in his brother's back bedroom which was decorated in a 9 year old boy's style.
Or another guy who was renting a room off a friend who was renting a flat.
Both nice guys. Both too scared to tackle their ex-wives about selling the family home to get their share of the capital.
Call me heartless but it put me right off! [/quote]
I presumed 'own house' meant the person owned rather than rented, but I see now that it just means living on your own, is that right?
9 year old boy style is hilarious.

@JustAnother0ldMan I am so happy this thread is helping you! Please keep us informed. Good luck!

@ravenmum

I didn't know "females" was an incel term. Is it used because the noun "female" is normally reserved for animals?

Agree that women don't normally call men "males" and would find it odd. Why do non-incel men use it; do they think the word "women" should be avoided for some reason?

Yes, i think incels use it for that reason - it's dehumanising.

I think non incel men who use it are probably just a bit thick. They either think it sounds like more intelligent way of saying 'women'.

Also, a lot of women object to being called 'ladies' but some men feel 'women' sounds a bit disrespectful - like ladies are 'decent' and women are 'loose'. They probably think it's 'correct' to use females.

I think a lot of people think 'woman' sounds a bit off. That's why people tell children to, "Say thank you to the lady," and not, "Say thank you to the woman."

@Gwenhwyfar

"I've spent more time than I should on MN recently so I've begun to think that perhaps it's the norm. I'm glad to hear that it isn't"

I don't think you can conclude that OLD is not the norm just by Grey Carpet saying they use the old fashioned way. Most couples I know who got together recently seem to have used OLD and it seems to me that people asking each other out in the pub has become much less common, flirting at work is even becoming a bit taboo and social activities haven't even existed for much of the last 18 months.

Yes, I think online dating probably has become the norm, I just don't think it's an ideal way to meet someone. I know loads of people who've done it but very few who got any sort of relationship out of it.

I've been asked out a couple of times in real life recently. I wouldn't touch online dating with a barge pole tbh.

*I think non incel men who use it are probably just a bit thick. They either think it sounds like more intelligent way of saying 'women'.

Also, a lot of women object to being called 'ladies' but some men feel 'women' sounds a bit disrespectful - like ladies are 'decent' and women are 'loose'. They probably think it's 'correct' to use females.

I think a lot of people think 'woman' sounds a bit off. That's why people tell children to, "Say thank you to the lady," and not, "Say thank you to the woman."*

This.

Females, women, ladies & girls - they're all problematic for a man to use for different reasons.

Also, a lot of women object to being called 'ladies' but some men feel 'women' sounds a bit disrespectful - like ladies are 'decent' and women are 'loose'. They probably think it's 'correct' to use females.

Down my sports club it is interesting to see how various squads like to be addressed. Female is never used, but women, girls and ladies are all titles the squads have adopted themselves. Generally from my observations the younger women like to be called ladies, the 40 something women like to be called women and the older squads call themselves girls.

Even those who call women females rarely call themselves ‘male.’ They’re just men, even in the comment that was mentioned upthread, the poster says ‘what’s it like for a female cos for a man it’s pretty crap.’

Females, women, ladies & girls - they're all problematic for a man to use for different reasons.

In the activity club I’m in the women will often refer to themselves as ladies when doing an activity as in “we are having a ladies only event on the Xx of this month”, but then refer to themselves as girls for a social activity “girls night out on the xx of the month”

But I suppose men do refer themselves as boys or lads in social settings “boy’s night out” etc.

All very strange ..

"Yes, I think online dating probably has become the norm, I just don't think it's an ideal way to meet someone."

I agree, but for many people there may be no other option.

"I think a lot of people think 'woman' sounds a bit off. That's why people tell children to, "Say thank you to the lady," and not, "Say thank you to the woman."

I don't quite agree with that. Those same people would use the word woman if the woman in question was not within hearing. Lady (or gent) is used when the person is within hearing and it's almost like you're half addressing them even if you're not really.

In one of my roles I get to take contact details, and in the case of women ask what title they prefer. Professors and Doctors etc aside, the options are Ms Miss or Mrs. Ms is requested about never, which surprises me because I would have thought it neutral. Typically a woman will choose Mrs only if she's married and living with the man, or widowed. Others, irrespective of marital/relationship status, choose Miss.

Hopefully you can see the attachment, this made me swipe left

@seensome

Hopefully you can see the attachment, this made me swipe left

That would have made me laugh and swipe right.

I thought own house was more along the lines of own place where only that person lives, other than when the kids are there (if the person has kids).
Regardless of whether that is renting or ownership as for many ownership isn't possible for a few years after a divorce / separation.

@seensome

Hopefully you can see the attachment, this made me swipe left

Haha yes, this poor attempt at humour is seen often and has me swiping left before I even get to the hilarious punchline at the end now. Tbf I think I've developed RSI in my thumb

Any tough mudder or SUP pics in profile, immediate left swipe.
Any childish filters
Any demands such as please be tall, make me laugh etc
Pulling funny faces
Any string or biased political views

@seensome

Hopefully you can see the attachment, this made me swipe left

Ah, I obviously haven't been doing OLD for long enough because that really made me laugh!

Looking for a partner in crime!!!

I’d swipe on him seensome- original and funny.,😂

😂 maybe we need a new thread on what makes you swipe right

Any string or biased political views

Ah, the parochial yarn vs twine debate

Where the profile photo is sideways. This is very common. If they can't be arsed to rectify this, I can't be arsed to dig deeper. I have a really bad neck too.... this look is not for me.

I'm on here a lot, 'bare' with me

no dramas! why? drama. (s)

I've seen a lot of those "funny" profiles and, while an original one can stand out, they all pretty much say the same thing. They tell you nothing about the man other than that he's a bit of a joker, so to me they're not useful. I've probably been at this for way too long because I've become cynical in ways I didn't even know I could be.

Puns...
Once, a man I knew on Tinder was jazzing
Up his profile. He decided that his public profile was too important to include photos or any information that may out him so he wrote .... All will be revealed to the 'right' swiper.
👋

@seensome

😂 maybe we need a new thread on what makes you swipe right

That would be interesting to get an idea of what you all like 👍