Trying not to go mad at the moment - we have been married for 30 years, like every marriage it has had its ups and downs, but I would say we have a good marriage, my wife said the same just the day. We have two grown up children both now happily married and moved out. I really love my wife, she is my rock, I think she is hot...late last year she met this other unmarried man (her friend called him Eye Candy!)...they volunteer together for a charity, she was his mentor and all was fine. After the mentorship ended, they met for coffee, to discuss the volunteering roll and at this point I was not even thinking any bad thoughts. Then there was another coffee and a long walk, it was not a secret, she was very open about it - but I then started to be unsure. They shared lots it seems, they had a report she said, she really liked his 'banter'. His name came into conversation often.
There were fairly frequent WhatsApp’s between them - then there was an evening drink suggested, which really started to worry me - but I did not want to be an arse and upset a new friendship which she seemed to value greatly. I know my wife was unsure about it – she joked she was going for a drink with ‘her lover’ and admitted it made her feel good. I thought it would be a quick glass of wine and not much more, but four hours later - I was then really getting concerned. She came home and immediately fell asleep (she is not a big drinker) but I wanted to talk to her and tell her I was feeling unhappy about this now. They had discussed lots it seems, including him telling her that his latest relationship had just finished – but my wife had shared some things about me, that I was not comfortable with.
I did not sleep that night, until she woke up and asked if I was OK. I then said NO and told her why, I was feeling left out, jealous, unsure for the first time in 30 years…would she like it if I was doing the same? She was shocked, I said “you are a beautiful looking woman’ why would he not be interested in you – it was a difficult conversation – she then, I thought understood how I felt, could see how upset I was and said she would stop it. Another week passed – she came home much later than I thought from volunteering – they had been out for another coffee. I must of looked strange and went quiet - she was mad at me for trying to ruin her friendship.
I backed off, thinking it was all me being paranoid (please tell me if I am) but I could not settle, work, sleep, do anything – it then blew up 48 hours later – I said I cannot handle this and she called him and told him – they better not meet again, as ?! (my name) does not like this. Eventually things calmed down – but on holiday the WhatsApp started again from him – including a message saying – “…have not been in touch much as ?! (my name) does not like it” – I am thinking WTF, you know I asked this to stop and you are still doing it. Even the WhatsApp messaged ended with a X…the content was nothing much other than “we are sharing a shift together soon, fancy lunch before?”.
Well the next lunch is 10 days away, I feel crap, cannot sleep, work is tough – but am I being paranoid, I am trying to be cool about – my wife has told me it is happening – I do not want to cause another eruption and say NO you cannot go – it is not my place to do that. She can see I am stressed, but this friendship seems more important than my feelings and emotions. She seems to think it is all fine, but I know men, it helps being one!!!
Maybe I am over thinking this? Insecure? I do not want other men telling me to go around and smack him, that’s for sure. But there is no one to talk to about this? Thoughts? Advice?