Found dirty website

[Mummymushroom]

I had a quick peek at OH phone the other day and found fabguys on there.

I asked him about it and he completely denied it. Saying I'm paranoid.

But I know it was him as his username came up in the memory and I recognize pictures. It mentions being descrete and can't accommodate, which in other words means don't want wife to know.

I used to trust him completely until about 2 years ago I found very explicit messages to a woman from work. Can't trust anyone anymore.
We have been together 23 years, but not married. We have 3 kids 12 to 4. I haven't got a job, been looking after the kids for 12 years, who is going to hire me. Also have a few health problems. Not sure I'd cope on my own. My last shred on trust in humans is gone.

He has never mentioned being gay and we have talked about it before. I've even asked him directly if he liked men.

Never wanted to put my kids though a separation as my parents very messy divorce destroyed me. However, I could never trust him now. Every time he went out or on his phone is be wondering.

[SweetToffee]

He’s an adult. You may not like what he’s done but telling his Mum/putting a link on SM .. really????
I’d be pissed off if I was in the same situation, but I’d be leaving him , not telling his mum . Just my opinion though .

[sadpapercourtesan]

For heaven's sake, it's perfectly clear that OP isn't saying gay men are riddled with STIs, just men (gay or otherwise) who use websites to cheat and sleep around behind their partner's backs, using codes like 'can't accommodate' and 'discreet' to signal that they're married and so need to sneak around. It couldn't be any clearer

OP, ignoring the weird agenda-carrying me-railer - I couldn't get past this. It's infidelity regardless of how far it's gone, and he's a liar and a coward. I think you need to start making concrete plans to split. I feel for you, divorcing with children is horrendous, but I don't think there's another serious option here. He will cheat again if you overlook it, you know that

[Imjustsootired]

It would seem he is bisexual and wants to explore that while still being safely married to you.

Obviously not OK and definitely cheating.

You probably already know this but you'll have to leave this guy unless you want a world of misery.... it's not right, is it?

Sorry OP, life is so shit sometimes xx

[CokeDrinker]

So why haven't you told her then, OP? If he said go ahead? You seem to be doing nothing at all. Why bother coming on here when you are just going to accept his abuse and not throw him out? What are you playing out?

[DisgruntledPelican]

Perhaps explore your own prejudices a little more to form a more wholesome view of the gay dating scene.

Erm. If it’s not an open relationship or has been discussed before, there is no need for OP to “form a more wholesome view” of her partner’s lying and sneaking around

[DianaT1969]

Can you live in the same home for a couple of years as 'friends and co-parents'? Discuss and agree to the details together.
You get a job and try to build a future for yourself?
I don't see any upside in you moving out to potentially survive on benefits while doing almost all the childcare too.

[BrilliantBetty]

Referring to gay men as being riddled with STI"s is deeply offensive.

The point is that they are sneaking around behind partners backs to cheat. Using codes etc on a website for this activity. Of course STIs are more likely if your promiscuous, gay or not.

[idontmeetmarriedmen]

i should add I mean the site is mentioned in some crimes

[Sunflower1970]

Being spiteful and airing your dirty linen will just hurt your kids and make you look like a nasty piece of work

[Ajdf]

The site is mostly made up of married “hetro” men. All cheating on their wives/gfs. Some of the forums are disgusting. If anyone is suspicious of their husbands. Create a profile. You will see for yourself, forums about guys bragging that their wives don’t know. Some even want to swap photos of their wives which is downright wrong and the site owners don’t do anything about it.