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how much attention should you be getting in new relationship
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Odiona · 13/02/2021 19:19
I’m seeing someone for two months. We see each other once a week . I feel like we are compatible and we like each other. However, every Relationship I had in past I was used to good morning messages most of the days, few messages during the day. A lot of affection when we saw each other. We are both working from home, both university students. He usually doesn’t text good morning until 1pm when I know he wakes up at 8 and he is online. When I text I don’t get reply for 2-3 hours. He does text first a lot of times so at least thats a good sign. When we are together in person I’m usually the one who initiates physical contact. However he was the one who asked to be monogamist with each other so I know he is interested. It’s frustrating because I don’t feel like I’m in new relationship and how am I supposed to feel in love when I’m missing the affection. Am I being too difficult ? How much you were in contact/meeting each other first few months in your relationship?
litterbird · 13/02/2021 19:28
You say you feel you are compatible then you list the things you aren't. He is not naturally affectionate and you want that. He doesn't text you all the time, and you want that, he doesn't reply for a few hours and that bothers you, and you want him to reply quicker....so what is it that you say you are compatible? Its ok to move on from someone if they aren't right for you, its only been 2 months and it isn't working for you. Its ok for it not to work so early on, find someone that gives you what you want.
Odiona · 13/02/2021 19:34
Well we both want children and are family oriented, we have same hobbies (we play basketball, we both study and love law...), sex is amazing ... it’s just the affection and attention I feel like I’m not receiving from him. I told him twice - he always steps in but that only lasts 2-3days and back to minimum messages ...
ScabbyHorse · 13/02/2021 20:15
I wouldn't be happy with that either. You could tell him he's not meeting your needs.
seensome · 13/02/2021 20:16
It won't get any better than this sorry to say op, this should be him at his best trying to impress you, if your having to put more effort in and don't feel like he's that keen then it's not the relationship for you, don't waste 18 months like I've just done feeling unsatisfied, you can't change who they are.
JustAnotherOldMan · 13/02/2021 20:46
Just because he shows less outward affection to you, doesn’t mean he is less affectionate, just showing it differently to way you want
Roughandready · 13/02/2021 20:59
@Odiona
I don’t have much experience to go on as I was married for over 20 years but I am now in a new relationship.
It’s only been about 4 weeks so very early days but we message good morning and text when not together (although not much during work time). I see him 2-3 x a week when I don’t have the kids and we are very affectionate- can’t keep our hands off each other really. I really like the closeness and intimacy that we have. We also talk a lot too and are very open with our past etc while as helped us connect I think.
I suppose everyone is different but if it’s not to your expectations or meeting your needs then I would talk to him.
peboh · 13/02/2021 21:22
There is no right or wrong answer to how much attention is right in a relationship. It's very different for every couple, however if it's bothering you that he isn't more attentive then you clearly aren't compatible. It's unlikely to change for him, as it's obviously just who he is as a person.
FuckyouCovid21 · 13/02/2021 21:28
2 months and you've had those conversations? Slow it down
Odiona · 13/02/2021 21:28
@Roughandready that would exactly be the ideal situation for me
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MichelleScarn · 13/02/2021 21:31
But would it be the ideal situation for him Odiona?
Cockenspiel · 13/02/2021 22:33
Sounds like you’re completely incompatible.
Stop accepting his crumbs and move on.
Wanderlusto · 13/02/2021 22:51
I couldn't be doing with someone needing me to message every day. Let alone several messages throughout the day.
Couldn't you just phone him for a chat every evening?
And pandemic wise, once per week is plenty!
Pluas · 13/02/2021 23:01
It makes no sense that you think you’re compatible because you’re both ‘family-oriented’ lawyers who like basketball, when you clearly have very different expectations about communication and physical affection already.
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