Single but not looking? Share the highs & lows

[wherearthough]

This thread is for those who have decided, for whatever reason, to no longer pursue romantic relationships with men.

It's not the female equivalent of MGTOW ( many of us will be raising sons and have great relationships with male family members and friends) so the purpose is not to moan about male shortcomings, but rather to celebrate the rewards of no longer pursuing and maintaining relationships.

My story? I finished with my ex last year and it was only in the aftermath that I was able to see how much of myself I had suppressed.

Subsequently I have thrived and whilst I'm not ruling out dating again, it's not a priority (my standards are so high now he probably doesn't exist anyhow so if this resonates with you, jump right in and share the highs and lows of being single... but not seeking.

Welcome @BunnyandBee and well done on your diy adventures ...i've got to drill through some tiles later and pray they don't crack

@Needhelp101is right...having good friends is vital when alone and houseplants are great especially yukkas, mother in laws tounge and aloes as they help you sleep ( apparently!)

All my houseplants have not been looking do healthy since the move. I may have to start again...

That's a good way of putting it; put my dating energy into building friendships. I have lots of outliers and 'mum' friends who I know enough to have a quick chat or the occasional cuppa, but maybe I should try to build those more.

I did try the WI last year, but despite advertising themselves as young and friendly they were the most unfriendly bunch I have come across that will be a post lockdown project though!

Welcome @BunnyandBee love your username!

Another high - home learning success with the DC. As a single parent all the effort is on me, however, so too is the reward. In fact, it's doubly rewarded. With the added benefit that their Ddad isn't around to undermine my efforts in front of them.

Another benefit of being a single parent is that you end up a real team (and I'm lucky enough to have a good co parent, even is he is an arse). But you end up really, really close with your children, it's lovely.

Hi all. Single for nearly nine years, following an abusive relationship with an absolute grade A prick. For the first five years I just had zero interest in dating anyone. Then had a brief look at OLD but there was nobody I fancied. Have spent the past few years doing up my house, doing a master’s and now starting a new job.

I really liked the crumbs analogy, and I will remember that. Even recently, I was hoping for crumbs from someone, and I realise now that I deserve more than that, I shouldn’t accept being an afterthought.

I might try OLD again, I might not. I’m quite happy on my own, but I would like a snog. I really don’t think I’d live with someone again.

I have really enjoyed this thread, thank you!

Separated in Oct, ExH moved out just before new year to down the road. We co-parent and get on despite his stupidity breaking us!

I have considered looking at OLD but all the threads on MN are very outputting and I'm just not ready. And actually, reading this thread as kind of validated me a lot, I'm in no rush and I think there is so much value on doing you, and if someone comes along and it works then fab.

I do have a crush on someone though, which I honestly can't help! But I'm trying to harness it a bit and use it to grow, and figure out why I'm into him so much. For instance I sometimes think 'ooh maybe I shouldn't wear this in case I run into him' and then I stop, have a think and realise that I don't want to change myself for anyone. This is who I am.

I thought going into this would be lonely and isolating, but on reflection I felt more isolated and lonely while my husband was here. I'm just getting my energy back and starting to get the house under control a bit.

I've been single for three years and am happy. My son is nearly 17. My main issue is my friends my age (37) are all coupled up and cannot leave their partners for one minute so my social life has really suffered. That or some have teeny tots and bring the kids with them all the time so unless we're at a playground or a farm I don't get to see them. I can't talk to them about grown up stuff as the kids are there and often times they leave their kids with me ( which is fine as I love them) but having no human contact and no one talk to makes this all harder.
If I could have a group of single women I can form solid friendships with I'd be sorted.

Let's be friends!

Good morning ladies ..where did this week go?
I hope you're ready to wind down for the weekend and are well.

Welcome @dubyalass, @Febo24.

Hi @piddocktrumperiness re your last point, It would be lovely, post lockdown, to arrange meet ups for those in similar areas as you're right, it can be hard to find friends in the same situation and mindset as you .

Have a great day ladies 😊

Hi everyone. I have been single for at least 5 years now. After a couple of abusive relationships, I realised that the relationships afterwards were more so because I felt that is what I should be doing.
It became quite obvious that I was much, much happier on my own. So I stopped putting myself out there, and done what was right for me instead of expectations of others.

The highlights are: that I am alone, I really enjoy my own company. I guess that is it really, everything else kind of falls into that. Like I dont need to force myself to watch a TV show because someone else wants to watch it, or go to a place because someone else wants to etc.

The lows are: people assuming i must be unhappy. Being told that I will find someone eventually, despite me saying i am not looking, nor do I want to find someone lol. That I deserve to be happy...yes I do, part of the reason why I chose to remain single. Im happier, why wouldn't I do this? It gets really irritating. Other than that, I dont miss sex at all or intimacy of any kind really.

I think it helps if you enjoy your own company.

Also, there's nothing lonelier than being alone in a relationship. Soul destroying.

Anyway, I recommend guinea pigs, gin, Red Dwarf and Blackadder 😁

I have to say I think that's a massive part of it. I'm very happy in my own company. Told my gran I'm looking at moving out sometime soon. She doesn't approve of me moving out alone! And what if I meet a man?!.. Not sure why I can't meet one and live on my own at the same time

I agree. I've got friends that hop from one relationship to another mostly because they can't stand their own company.

On the other hand, I love it, so any man would have to work quite hard to prove that I should spend my time with him rather than in my own company

On the other hand, I love it, so any man would have to work quite hard to prove that I should spend my time with him rather than in my own company

What a lovely way of putting it @CleanQueen123

Yes, CleanQueen! I am very happy in my own company and can keep myself entertained with all sorts of things.

That’s not to say I don’t like company at times - I really do. But if I have a weekend with no plans, I really look forward to just pottering about, doing what I like!

Yes @dubyalass I have one of those
"pottering at home doing nothing" weekends now and it's bliss

Enjoy all

Same! My housemate has gone to her boyfriend’s for the weekend (we’re in a bubble) and so I have the place to myself. I’m sitting here knitting and about to go for my daily walk.

@IBEX7

When I split from my first husband after 17 years of marriage I made mistake after mistake dating wise and I think it was all to do my my need to feel wanted and to show everyone that I was desirable and that I wasn’t a failure at relationships. Some of the men I dated were absolute tools yet I was happy accepting crumbs and lowered my standards completely. With hindsight I would not have gone down some of the roads I went down.

I then read an article which said you should stay single for at least three years after breaking up from a long term partner, especially when there were flaws in your relationship. If you don’t then you are likely to make the same mistakes again. I found this to be very true. I also found that because I had “failed” once at marriage then I was determined to not see another relationship “fail” and would accept things that I would perhaps not usually do.

Once I made the decision to stop going chasing “the one” “the soulmate” then things improved dramatically for me. I became single by choice 5 years ago and it is by far the best decision I have ever made.

I just don’t want to compromise anymore. I have my house how I want it, I holiday where I want to go, i am financially independent, I go out (friends) with whom I want when I want. I have taken up hobbies, I travel extensively. I don’t answer to anyone.

I actually don’t miss any of it. I certainly don’t miss sex which I have always found to be overrated anyway.

I would highly recommend it!

You sound very similar to me. I was married for 17 years and that was 9 years ago. I have had one relationship but was not serious. I love being on my own and not having not to answer to anyone. I too am financially independent. Just recently a friend of a friend has started to chat to me and I have been out for walks and a meal with, but that is all I want, not sure how it will go, I've actually enjoyed lockdown in a way as I can keep things at a distance and not commit.

I am just so happy with my single life, I am not sure I would give it up for anyone - I too highly recommend it!

Single by choice here and loving the thread. I've never done relationships really. I had one boyfriend just to see what all the fuss was about but he wanted kids and pets and I don't so we split up. I built an amazing social life and have great friends. I don't like SKY but my bubble helps me. I did love sex and have fwb type arrangements but cant be bothered finding it now. Life is great, the only annoying thing is other people's opinions!

DIY that should say

So true...I remember going for a facial and telling the beautician that I was single. Her response ? You'll find someone in no time.

When I said I had no plans to she genuinely could not believe that I would not want a man and called her assistant over to discuss it.

This group is so needed for those who come up against similar pressure - you're not a freak ...just wise

Yes! Why can't other people keep their opinions to themselves?

People are aghast when I tell them I've got one DC and don't want anymore.

"You just need to meet the right man." is the response I most often get

No one wants me anyway so I'm gonna stop.bothering hahaha

Now that's probably not true @Botoxtime but as long as you're happy with the decision it's all good

I'm actually quite worried that I've lost all enthusiasm even when there might be potential

Love this thread, thanks for setting it up OP. Another happily single and not looking. I genuinely don’t understand society’s obsession with having to be in a relationship. I wish all those people who are in unhappy marriages etc could get a glimpse of how amazing it can be to be single, you don’t have to suffer!

Welcome @Jjjjjj1981 and you are so right.

I was talking to a guy on line a whilst back and all I kept thinking about was my heated throw, hot chocolate and good book ..and the fact he was keeping me from them 🤣

I defend single life with pride and whilst not for everyone, I do think if more women in unhappy relationships saw the upside they would feel less regret in moving on.