Single but not looking? Share the highs & lows

[wherearthough]

This thread is for those who have decided, for whatever reason, to no longer pursue romantic relationships with men.

It's not the female equivalent of MGTOW ( many of us will be raising sons and have great relationships with male family members and friends) so the purpose is not to moan about male shortcomings, but rather to celebrate the rewards of no longer pursuing and maintaining relationships.

My story? I finished with my ex last year and it was only in the aftermath that I was able to see how much of myself I had suppressed.

Subsequently I have thrived and whilst I'm not ruling out dating again, it's not a priority (my standards are so high now he probably doesn't exist anyhow so if this resonates with you, jump right in and share the highs and lows of being single... but not seeking.

Oh @MsKL and @hilariousnamehere your cats are so gorgeous...they must be fluffy and cuddly and great company ( no answering back must be a bonus too ).

I've had a relaxed Sunday with a nice long lie in followed by cycling and a moderately healthy lunch.

Nice to hear some stories and welcome all including @sunset900.

@Mermaidwaves I completely can relate to crazy reasons for dating...I'm ashamed to say I did it to show my ex and even the bloody neighbours that I could move on.

How was i so brainwashed into thinking relationship with man equalled progress even when I knew they were trash!

Thankfully that's the old me 🤣

Hello all, I'm so glad to have found this thread full of like minded ladies! I have been single around 2 and a half years now since my abusive ex husband left me for another woman (who he swiftly married and impregnated )

I immediately launched into OLD and had a few near misses with some extremely unsuitable men (didn't realise at the time in the fog of despair) as well as a few dates with men who at the time I thought were wonderful as they showed me some interest, but in hindsight probably saw me as an easy target. Anyway I soon came to my senses and stopped all that.

I absolutely love so much about being single! I have 2 DD's, 12 and 9 and the youngest has just been diagnosed with ASC. I never, ever want my children to have to live with another man, I don't think it would be fair. No one will ever be good enough for them as a step father figure as far as I'm concerned

I also have a cat! She's nearly 14 and is very sweet natured. I love having her company when my girls are at their Dad's EOW.

When I was married I put my heart and soul into making it work. I put my own needs at the bottom of the pile and was basically just existing for a long time. Once the fog had cleared and the dust had settled from the break up I began to feel a freedom I hadn't felt since before I met him. And I'm now fully embracing being me and doing things for me and my future. I've just started a masters degree and, what I'm more excited about, is I've just ordered a brand new kingsize bed... Just for me!!

What a fantastic idea for a support thread! Have just gone full NC with someone I mistook for a soulmate. Sadly. It sounds very cliche, but lessons have been learned.

I have been single for almost the entire time since separating from exH. Recently divorced. 🥳

Being on my own has boosted my self-confidence exponentially. It does get lonely at times, but like other have mentioned on here, that comes in waves and the feeling soon dissipates.

I enjoy my own company and having control over my own space. If I ever do get a partner I'm not sure I'd want them to move in. I think living apart might improve the longevity and keep the spark alive in the relationship.

So I've only been single since June (which is a while now that I think about it but the pandemic has blurred time!) but really the relationship I realised should have been gone before then. He had a drug addiction and I tried everything including supporting him through rehab etc to fix it but I was basically mothering him and his child! I'm now home with my parents for now, have turned 30 (which I was dreading) and hopefully this year I will be able to buy my own home as I refuse to move in with smother man and lose it all again if they have issues!

Someone up thread mentioned men coming out of the woodwork..i don't even know how they know but jesus they fair do! Had one the other day chatting away flirty conversations etc.. Turns out he has a fiance and told me I was mad and nothing had happened and I was over reacting when I called him out on it

I'm not against meeting a man and possibly having a family as I always wanted but I'm so much stronger now and it will definitely be on my terms.

Oh @onthinice you will love your new bed all to yourself..
I really splashed out on a luxury memory foam mattress, 2 throws ( 1 heated) and plump pillows. The only issue is I keep over sleeping

Welcome @CrimsonFlags and@Exofanaddict I really feel for you...often trying to help someone can pull you down too so well done for getting out before that happened.

This thread will hopefully allow you to see you can be fine by yourself so you have less to fear if any future relationships don't work or don't make you as happy as you were, when alone 😊

@wherearthough to be fair I had been very down and in some dark places but luckily I managed to get myself back to mostly just being me! The change has been so good for me and even lockdown and a pandemic I've tried to keep positive, see my friends when allowed, got a new job and I've saved quite a bit of money towards a house for just me. Which having been the ex of an addict money is a big issue for me and causes anxiety but this has helped with that too!

I havent read all of the thread. I split up with EXH 3.5 years ago, I met someone who I was seeing on and off for 2 years but then before xmas I decided life was too short and I want to move on as he didnt want to commit.....
Anyway since being on tinder im thinking I dont want to meet some random person, date, go through all that and actually I am happy on my own. I have got a pony recently nd have 3 children so am always busy! I am in control of my life and money!

@wherearthough
Its cringe isn't it! When I think about some of my dates! I'm going to blame it as part of the 2020 covid madness! Any one I meet now has to treat me with decency and respect, I like to think I've learnt some painful lessons.

@Exofanaddict I hope I didn't come across as flippant as I appreciate it must have been hard and probably still is on many fronts ( our mind and thoughts can be friend or foe sometimes) but I'm just glad that you're moving forward and putting your needs first.

As women we're often so conditioned to help/support/care for others but rarely taught how to do these things for ourselves.

Maybe I should start a diy/decorating thread for singletons as quite a few, including you have mentioned new homes on the thread 😊
Do let us know how you get on.

@wherearthough oh no sorry I didn't take it that way at all. Just thought it might help if people knew it wasn't all easy and it's taken me a while to get here. And that relationships can actually be done well before you realise too! I wasnt half as heartbroken about the actual end as I had been about all the betrayal etc that came beforehand!

Fingers crossed on the house front! I'm aiming for summer time to start looking and hopefully I can do it on my own!

Love love love this thread!

I split from my ex in April last year and dating hasn’t become a priory for me either. We have a child together who has just turned one so back then my son was very small still and I knew now that I had a child, there was no way I would be having men round my son. My ex and I had an awful relationship and it was a long time coming and during that year I have gained weight and am not generally happy with myself and I guess some of the comfort eating was purely that and depression.

During the new year I had a fleeting thought that this year was the year for me to find someone but then buried the thought.

I then downloaded an OLD app and got chatting to a few people but if I’m being totally honest I could not be arsed speaking to anyone from there. And those that I did just bored the life from me.

I’m way happier now, being single, being a single mum and as the old saying goes, if it’s not broken don’t fix it. I’m not totally ruling out dating in future but for me, right now, I’m not bothered about meeting or finding anyone or even being found 😂
And as pp have said, they want to ensure whoever they have around their children is worthy of the privilege.

I want to work on myself, be happy in my own skin, get fit and healthy and get us financially secure and then maybe I’ll consider dating but who’s to say I’ll have the time for an extra person in my life? They will have to be someone special, that’s for sure!

My husband moved out at the start of April 2019. I had been with him since 1994. The last year of living together was hell. Depression and work stress for him. Blamed for all that was wrong for him. Blamed for him becoming close to a female colleague.

Dating or finding a new partner hasn't even been a thing I've wanted to do!

I have 2 teens that I have 24/7. They don't go to their dads ever. They are brilliant and funny and very good company.

I have 2 labradors and 3 cats for extra company.

I have lots of people including the teens telling me I shouldn't be on my own. Thing is, I trusted my husband 100% and he turned out not to be the person I thought he was. I don't want to do that again.

I have a couple of friends that are single after long marriages. The one who is looking for a new man has confidence issues and self doubts. The one who isn't is loving life.

I don't see my stance changing as I don't think I'll find a man to add to my life but there are plenty out there who will detract from it!

@noideabutstilltrying "Thing is, I trusted my husband 100% and he turned out not to be the person I thought he was. I don't want to do that again."

I feel the same.

Hey, I’m very happy being single and have been for coming up to 7 years now. I couldn’t imagine dating or living with a bloke now. Not for me.

Any time I have off from the kids or working I’d much prefer to spend with my friends who I know I’ll have a good time with and don’t see often enough as it is.

The kids and I are happy and I wouldn’t want to bring in anyone who could unbalance that.

Can i join in? I split from my ex in October. I have a 5 year old, a cat and a snake and feel content. I feel pretty comfortable just the 4 of us and the thought of dating makes me feel exhausted!

Goodmorming all and welcome newbies!

Your stories resonate so much and the thing is you may find your newly acquired confidence attractive.

Ironically (even with lockdown) I find more men trying to make eye contact now than before when I was actually looking!

I just smile to myself, behind my mask, and think no thanks, not now, maybe another time!

@noideabutstilltrying I think a part of you never recovers when you've been lied to so spectacularly for so long and proves even if you live with someone 24/7 you still can never truly know them.

Anyway what are your plans for this week ladies?

I'm working and have to take my car for its MOT tomorrow ..living the dream 🤣

I've got work this week and trying to keep up with my online exercise and next week off as annual leave. Another week off in lockdown!
But I have plenty of TV and plenty of books to read and I'm very happy to be able to do what I wish .

Lifelong single here and loving it. For those that mention spiders, get some indorex flea spray. At the beginning of Sept spray it around the edges of rooms, along windowsills, entry ways, along trickle vents and any cracks, under furniture etc. No more spiders! I live semi rural and had tons until I did this. Now I only see the odd one.

Thanks @CyberPixie..googling it now

Single for nearly 11 years now and think I would really struggle sharing a house with another adult again, I have a 5 year old DS and it's him and me against the world! My friends can't understand why I would want to be on my own and are always saying I should go on tinder or whatever but I'm just happy as I am and really cannot be arsed with the whole online dating thing. I make all the decisions, what we eat, what we do on a weekend, where we go on holiday, how the house looks etc. I admit that maintenance/DIY is not my strong point but I have friends of both sexes that are always happy to help out with stuff. I think really the only thing that I miss is having two incomes but apart from that I'm loving life

Hello all, I'm not currently single... But was single for most of 8 years since I split up with my ex-husband. I found most of that time amazing (the first two years were well and truly shit!) and had so much fun having adventures with my two boys (we would often be at places of attraction and see couples arguing and I was so glad to be solo parenting! ), dating and with my girlfriends. I went on yoga/surfing retreats, made new friends and saw new places. I really felt I got a second lease of life as my ex-husband was selfish to say the least...

I am now dating someone but only since July. He's been amazing and I am glad I have met him. But I think it's also because since I split with my ex, I have gotten a great job, bought my own house and financially independent that I am able to have this great relationship knowing that if it doesn't work, I can walk away anytime... So I have strong boundaries too. It's important to me that I am with my boyfriend because he makes my life better and he makes me happy, not because I have to...

Anyway, just wanted to say hi to this group of strong ladies! And also to share this article I read in the Guardian on the weekend which I think is really interesting... www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/17/why-are-increasing-numbers-of-women-choosing-to-be-single

This is such a lovely supportive thread. I find it reassuring that there are other women choosing to be single. So many people seem to assume that people stay single because they’ve been hurt and are too afraid of a relationship, or that they’re too selfish. Rather than people just accepting it as a valid life choice.

If anything I think I’m not selfish enough when in a relationship! I put my all into it. I do everything I can to make the other person happy, often to my own detriment. I have been hurt in the past so I guess there is an element of that, but it’s not fear that’s stopping me. I just want to be single right now!

I’m spending the week decorating. I’m a dab hand with a paintbrush and pretty good at wallpapering too. Tbh the men I’ve dated have either not had the skill or the motivation to do anything like that, so it’s always been me. But I then get a lot of satisfaction from looking around me and thinking “I did this”.

@Meruem have to say my dad always did the wallpaper so will keep him around instead

Welcome @mimillion & @TwoBoysTooMany76, nice to have your perspective re the benefits of enjoying single life before starting a new relationship.

I too love decorating @Meruem..well let me rephrase that... I love the end result of decorating

I put the radio on, do all the sanding, mastic and filler and enjoy seeing each room transformed just the way I like it.

I've picked up so many skills and it's really funny that when I pop into selco, screwfix or toolstation I often get looks from men thinking I'm after their attention- one even offered to get something from a high shelf as if I was incapable

I just have a huge hallway to finish then I can give myself a manicure as diy does play havoc with your hands!

Good morning all.

Being single high - so many issues seem to have arisen between couples during the lockdowns. Whilst being single has had its low during the pandemic, I'm feeling quite grateful I dont have to put up with a man child or abuser. Total freedom.

Thinking of all the women who are going through difficult times in their relationships right now, with the lockdown making it more so.

Have a good day all.