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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Single but not looking? Share the highs & lows

265 replies

wherearthough · 12/01/2021 12:22

This thread is for those who have decided, for whatever reason, to no longer pursue romantic relationships with men.

It's not the female equivalent of MGTOW ( many of us will be raising sons and have great relationships with male family members and friends) so the purpose is not to moan about male shortcomings, but rather to celebrate the rewards of no longer pursuing and maintaining relationships.

My story? I finished with my ex last year and it was only in the aftermath that I was able to see how much of myself I had suppressed.

Subsequently I have thrived and whilst I'm not ruling out dating again, it's not a priority (my standards are so high now he probably doesn't exist anyhow Smile so if this resonates with you, jump right in and share the highs and lows of being single... but not seeking.

OP posts:
jigglypuffcookie · 13/02/2021 22:18

I was feeling a wee bit sad as my first one since my husband left but I've now discovered TikTok... and bought a sledge 😂
More sledging tomorrow and I've treated myself to nice skincare and bath bomb stuff because I'm my own Valentine 💁🏻‍♀️

Botoxtime · 13/02/2021 23:11

Hello all. OLD is rubbish still! Why do we bother?!? I think single life is for me after all lol

BustyDusty · 14/02/2021 00:49

I've been single nearly 14 years. Absolutely love it. Travelled in Africa and Italy, bought a clapped out van and did it up, lived on a remote hill overlooking the ocean, own my own house, car and business.

Have raised my son single-handedly since he was a baby. I had an awful husband who went dogging, escorts, etc. Traumatic discovery back then but now I know he was just a twisted man who can never change.

Cooking: Wowser, the best thing. I cook what I like when I like - Indian, Chinese, Thai, Greek, sour dough, flatbreads, naans, pies, pesto, hummus, pizzas, everything cooked from scratch. It's piss easy.

Don't miss sex, even though I had a high sex drive when I was first married. It's a big thing for many people but thankfully I am not bothered anymore.

Food, wine, reading, keeping my business afloat, watching movies with my son, helping him with his homework, kissing him when he's asleep, planning our next trip, making the most of him before he flies the nest...

Life is so short. My ex husband hospitalised me twice. Not through physical violence but emotional and psychological abuse. Why would I risk my precious freedom for any man after that?

I am well educated and financially independent. My life is my own. My son is my absolute priority and I am able to love him without sharing EOW with a tosser. I am very thankful for that. When he has gained his wings, I am planning to buy an apartment in Greece that he and I can share - me for the joy and warm solitude, him to take his mates to.

I bet I can cook, garden, tell jokes, chop wood for the fire, put a big tent up, organise a jaunt in Africa, do the heimlich manoeuvre and come up with a trance compilation faster than any bloke can say 'where are the car keys Busty?'

However, having said all that....The downsides are:

morningcoffeerelax · 14/02/2021 07:43

@BustyDusty You sound fab!

I've been single for almost 2 years. The last man I was involved with couldn't make up his mind about me. I'm not going to be messed around again.

Covid has halted the dating for me. I might have a go at online dating when it's safer to do so. I'm content being single at the moment but miss hugs and someone asking me how I am.

CleanQueen123 · 14/02/2021 08:08

@BustyDusty amazing! You sound like the the woman I want to be.

My abusive ex is totally absent so I'm able to get on and parent DD as I see fit without having to co parent with a total knob.

I can honestly say I have zero interest in a relationship. I thought I might miss sex but frankly, I don't even think about it. Let's face it, for every good sexual partner you find, you'll find plenty more bad ones. I can't be bothered to sift through the dregs on the off chance I'd find a suitable FWB Grin

wherearthough · 14/02/2021 09:13

I have to confess I felt really low yesterday...not because of valentine's but a friend who is single from a really bad breakup, was bemoaning the fact she couldn't date due to covid and it just dawned on me how different I am to not have that desire to find someone ...then I started thinking of growing older alone and would i look back and think i should have tried during my younger years to find someone??

It was a small wobble as I know there are no guarantees that even if you had a partner that you'd want to be with them when you're older..hell they might even accelerate your decline 🤣 but I'm sharing as this thread is about the lows too and it's not always easy when everyone you know clambers after relationships like a life raft.

I'm back on track now (phew) and feel even stronger to keep doing me ...oh and what a great post to read this morning @BustyDusty!

I can so relate as having travelled solo, raised kids and set up 2 businesses alone I do feel like a man ( who typically has to be centre of any universe) would feel like a spare part in my life so I'll end by wishing you all a fabulous valentine's day and thankyou for all your wonderful stories that I hope inspires others to be brave, unashamedly selfish and free!

WineFlowersCake

OP posts:
gonnabeok · 14/02/2021 09:17

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Self love is the best love of all! 🥰

Krispyk · 14/02/2021 12:47

@BustyDusty

I've been single nearly 14 years. Absolutely love it. Travelled in Africa and Italy, bought a clapped out van and did it up, lived on a remote hill overlooking the ocean, own my own house, car and business.

Have raised my son single-handedly since he was a baby. I had an awful husband who went dogging, escorts, etc. Traumatic discovery back then but now I know he was just a twisted man who can never change.

Cooking: Wowser, the best thing. I cook what I like when I like - Indian, Chinese, Thai, Greek, sour dough, flatbreads, naans, pies, pesto, hummus, pizzas, everything cooked from scratch. It's piss easy.

Don't miss sex, even though I had a high sex drive when I was first married. It's a big thing for many people but thankfully I am not bothered anymore.

Food, wine, reading, keeping my business afloat, watching movies with my son, helping him with his homework, kissing him when he's asleep, planning our next trip, making the most of him before he flies the nest...

Life is so short. My ex husband hospitalised me twice. Not through physical violence but emotional and psychological abuse. Why would I risk my precious freedom for any man after that?

I am well educated and financially independent. My life is my own. My son is my absolute priority and I am able to love him without sharing EOW with a tosser. I am very thankful for that. When he has gained his wings, I am planning to buy an apartment in Greece that he and I can share - me for the joy and warm solitude, him to take his mates to.

I bet I can cook, garden, tell jokes, chop wood for the fire, put a big tent up, organise a jaunt in Africa, do the heimlich manoeuvre and come up with a trance compilation faster than any bloke can say 'where are the car keys Busty?'

However, having said all that....The downsides are:

You sound amazing! What a wonderfully positive story to hear, especially for those who struggle to believe that being single is actually a great way to live. What a fantastic role model you are for your son, who will always respect smart, independent women as he was raised by one.
wherearthough · 21/02/2021 10:29

Hope you lovely single ladies are enjoying the weekend Smile

OP posts:
Exofanaddict · 21/02/2021 13:09

I've actually had such a nice peaceful weekend. Had a rubbish week after some conversations with the ex that I thought were over and done with and it just put a negative spin on my week.
Had a quiet weekend and kept up with my exercise and now trying to head into this week on a positive note Smile
How are you doing?

CleanQueen123 · 21/02/2021 15:02

DD and I had a lovely walk with my dad. Good to be out the house for a few hours. The sun even managed to shine for a bit of it!

Quiet afternoon watching films now before it's back to the work and nursery routine tomorrow.

wherearthough · 21/02/2021 20:44

I had a lovely day which involved going to the park and exercising with my daughter then continuing my quest to totally declutter the house which is so cathartic..by the time I'm finished it will be as if I've moved house!

OP posts:
Itstimetoquit · 21/02/2021 22:21

Ive only been single since Xmas,gone no contact with ex but he keeps turning up at the house (bloody moron),I'm staying single ,it's my house me and my 2 kids I feel free can watch what I want,eat what I want it's great! And I don't have to worry (about the overweight farts machine sat in the chair being demanding!) Loving single life x

DanielMark94 · 02/06/2021 20:37

Hi Everyone, 27 years old and been single for two years (not been with anyone) even though I'm a bloke I don't do ONS as I have traditional values, tbh missing the intimacy that goes with Dating/Relationships happy to date anyone with kids and I don't mind dating someone older 27-40.

Hope I don't sound desperate (just seeing if anyone is in the same boat as me and wants to date? x

Hen2018 · 02/06/2021 21:32

Single 16.5 years now. No intentions of ever dating again.

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