Single but not looking? Share the highs & lows

[wherearthough]

This thread is for those who have decided, for whatever reason, to no longer pursue romantic relationships with men.

It's not the female equivalent of MGTOW ( many of us will be raising sons and have great relationships with male family members and friends) so the purpose is not to moan about male shortcomings, but rather to celebrate the rewards of no longer pursuing and maintaining relationships.

My story? I finished with my ex last year and it was only in the aftermath that I was able to see how much of myself I had suppressed.

Subsequently I have thrived and whilst I'm not ruling out dating again, it's not a priority (my standards are so high now he probably doesn't exist anyhow so if this resonates with you, jump right in and share the highs and lows of being single... but not seeking.

Hey @CrimsonFlags you're so right of course and my heart goes out to anyone in a bad relationship during lockdown.

I also note on most of the relationship boards the same themes;
Is he cheating?
Does he have another phone ?
He doesn't help out !
Was this emotional abuse?

And the list goes on.

Not wanting to minimise what these posters are going through (some are truly horrific) but I do feel relief that these are no longer my concerns and I have that head space to invest in other, more positive things.

Have a great Wednesday all.

Oh I bloody love this thread. :)

For me I left my ExH four years ago. Went through a phase of dating questionable people (but I know it was only ever fun). No one ever met my daughter. Then I dated a guy for a year. It was great (again he didn't meet my daughter). Although it was fun we actually wanted different things and actually my standards are incredibly high. So I wished him luck and walked away.

I've not been interested since. Selfishly I don't want to share my time with my daughter, or my house/space and free time.
I love that we can just decide what we want to do and do it.
I pick the holidays I want to do.
I can decide like the other night I wanted to go to bed at 7pm with a good book. The freedom is brilliant.

Slight downsides. Being the only single in a sea of couples means I don't always have company for things to do.
Worst was j went to an evening do at a wedding. Realised that the only other people I know hadn't turned up.
My only contacts were the bride and groom. Most people had been there for the whole day so had already got established full tables. My daughter in seeing the B&Gs daughter ran off to play and I ended up sat on my own. So few people wanted to talk to me. It was really strange and a bit sad. But you know what. If I can sit through that, there isn't much else as a single that can be difficult.

Hey @Ratbagcatbag and yes the social occasions where everyone is coupled up can be a bit daunting but at least you can people watch in peace!

Hey ladies just checking things are going well and that you're looking forward to the weekend

Another high. I will mow the lawn and take out the trash without having to waste my breath... I get it done. No nagging or expectations. I don't need to date a man who from day one I can envisage will make excuses why he shouldn't be doing these things.

I'm only just single kicked me ex partner out just before xmas,brief details are been together 12 years I child together who is 9,had loads of problems,he lies,he joins dating sites,he stays out all night, but the final straw was he spent every penny we had 4 days before xmas approximately 3k on cocaine(He's now admitted hes an addict) I think I tried so hard to keep a family unit,I don't know who I am anymore or what I like to do ECT,,,but I am so looking forward to being single and finding myself again,I'm also enjoying spending more quality time with the children (I've got an older one at home from my previous marriage) since ex has gone they spend more time around me,when he was here they would stay upstairs...there's been such a change already no stress,not walking on eggshells and most of all the awful atmosphere has gone x

Fantastic thread! Should be saved somewhere for anyone who needs it.
Another vote for not sharing living space with a man.

This one is possibly TMI, but I have not had a single UTI or case of thrush since becoming single several years back. I look at my massive stash of medications and it's so wonderful not needing them anymore.

Good for you @CrimsonFlags and so impressed with you mowing the lawn in this weather!

@nearlynermal there are no topics off limits here and I'm sure you're not alone as HPV and thrush can be exacerbated via PIV sex.

One less thing to worry about indeed!

@Itstimetoquit I really feel for you. Your break up is still so raw and the circumstances sound horrendous so whilst you have your children around you for company please ensure you have some adult support.

The samaritans are also there is you feel low and need to vent and of course here too.

Stay strong and do let us know how you're getting on

It's my weekend without kids and I cooked myself a curry, had a bath with a book and face mask! I'm now cosy in my bed with my dog and looking forward to a chilled morning.

Love that I get me time without feeling guilty or only taking an hour to myself!

I've been single for nine years almost and it is very liberating. It's given me the impetus to ensure that I've secured a stable future for myself and my child by progressing my career which has paid off.

The thought of being in a relationship isn't even a reality for me now. I'm a fixer anyway and very little phases me these days.

I love those weekends @jigglypuffcookie (or weeks if it's over half term) when you can look after your own needs and really wind down ..enjoy!

I found my people!

Similar story of abusive relationships, accepting crumbs etc etc.

I had a bit of an epiphany recently and realised that all of things I feel I'm missing can be gained without having a relationship. The only thing I'm struggling with a bit at the moment is being lonely in the evenings once DD goes to bed.

However, I'm using the time to keep in touch with friends (remotely obviously) and learn new skills.

I've come to the conclusion I don't need a man, I need a pet to cuddle in the evenings unfortunately I rent and no pets allowed but it's on the list for the future.

Hi @CleanQueen123 welcome.

I think loneliness on the whole has increased exponentially during lockdown and those like us singletons will feel it more, whatever our children's ages or if we live alone.

For me the key is to acknowledge it..as the thread title reads there will be some lows of not having constant adult company as well as highs.

The second is then to look at what you can do and you seem to have got there with good friends and hobbies

Thank you @wherearthough.

Lockdown 3.0 has gotten to me a bit. I'm very happy in my own company and even when I'm in a relationship I can't stand living in someone's pocket. I think it's not having the option that's bothering me. However, I can fill that gap with friends or eventually, a furry pet

I think my standards are so high now i won't find anyone. Done the dating sites they were full of damaged sad men. I'm only 33 but I think thats it for me

Did a 16k walk tonight and now bathed and bedded!

I still get bouts of Loneliness and missing having someone here but it's happening less. One day in the future I'd consider a relationship I think but right now it's all about me 🙂

Sounds like a break will do you good @Botoxtime you can always go back on in a few months.

Honestly I just think so many men are odd. I've had many crap experiences and I've not even had that many men hahah

Can I join please? Split from ex husband 3 years ago and had one relationship since. Up until a few months ago I am ashamed to say I was desperately trawling through online dating apps trying to fine some sort of validation.

I came off them about a month ago (long story) and have felt such relief! If youd have told me two months ago that I'd be so relaxed and happy being single I would never have believed you but something has really changed.
I am so so happy in my own company, i love being able to choose what and when I eat, when to go to bed, what to watch on telly. Pretty much everything really.

I suppose I will miss intimacy eventually but I dont think the drama and self doubt that usually accompanies it (for me anyway) is a big enough compensation!

@RubyandPearl that's it isn't it? Suddenly you don't have to consult anyone else about what you're doing.

I feel like I have to compromise enough in my life because I have a three year old, so I can't do what I like, when I like as I did before having her.

I really have no interest in having to compromise further by needing to take someone else into consideration.

I don't have to have something else for dinner because he doesn't like what I want. I don't have to wait until he's out to watch what I want without complaints.

If I want chips and dips for dinner whilst watching Married At First Sight I can do it!

Welcome to the thread newbies and hope you're all well on this cold Sunday morning 😊

@RubyandPearl and @CleanQueen123 I liken the moment you discover the freedom of making your own decisions to moving from the passenger to the driving seat.

I love just having all the options ( including doing absolutely nothing) at my disposal and not having to consult anyone about it.

Even in my last relationship, where we weren't even living together, my partner had a view on the types of tv programmes I should watch

Even loneliness, by comparison Is preferable!

Picking up on the fact that some do find it hard sometimes...what do you do when you get lonely especially during covid times?

Please share your tips for the group 😊

@wherearthough for the first time in probably my adult life I feel like I'm in control.

When I was younger I couldn't imagine a future where I didn't have a big white wedding, lovely house, perfect children.

Now I'm on my own with a toddler, renting a flat in a not so nice block of flats, and I couldn't be happier. I can't imagine ever wanting to even live with someone, let alone get married and do all that stuff.

Can I join too please? 👋🏼

Been single six months or so, my ex wants to get back together and I've had a few people interested in dating but I just don't want to date anyone! Not on any OLD now and it's so freeing.

I feel SO happy in my little flat with my 4 year old DD, as pp have said i can eat what I want, I can fast when I want, I can watch what I want, I don't have to to share my bed, DD and I can do what we like, I can decorate my home as I please!

I don't have to deal with anyone's passive aggression, moods or other bollocks!

My DD is with her dad this weekend and I've been running, pottered about, tidied up and just generally loved being in my own company, I love being single and it would really take a special man to change my mind.