Single but not looking? Share the highs & lows

[wherearthough]

This thread is for those who have decided, for whatever reason, to no longer pursue romantic relationships with men.

It's not the female equivalent of MGTOW ( many of us will be raising sons and have great relationships with male family members and friends) so the purpose is not to moan about male shortcomings, but rather to celebrate the rewards of no longer pursuing and maintaining relationships.

My story? I finished with my ex last year and it was only in the aftermath that I was able to see how much of myself I had suppressed.

Subsequently I have thrived and whilst I'm not ruling out dating again, it's not a priority (my standards are so high now he probably doesn't exist anyhow so if this resonates with you, jump right in and share the highs and lows of being single... but not seeking.

Still enjoying reading this thread and so happy to read stories from those who have found happiness.
I see lots of you like me are excited about or have enjoyed picking your home decor, my house is up for sale and I'm going to have to live somewhere loads smaller but I can't wait. Bit scared about the buying process but excited too. Il report back how it all goes.

@wherearthough I'm not a big fish fan tbh, the smell puts me off, especially salmon for some reason.

Stir fry is a good idea though, haven't done one for ages.

Tonight I just roasted a potato, carrot and parsnip! With rosemary and olive oil.

I should add, I never have anything useful in my fridge, but bought potatoes, carrots and parsnip especially to roast. I usually live off frozen jacket potatoes with coleslaw or frozen chicken with frozen veg.

Split from dd’s dad 7 years ago, had a 3 year relationship that became awful and I ended it. Now been single for 3 years and cannot imagine I’d ever want to be in a relationship again.

I’m 45, I have my beautiful dd, 3 lovely cats and my own home. I’m a dab hand at flat pack, wallpapering, have installed skirting boards and can do basic plumbing.

After years of poor self esteem and depression I’m finally happy in my own skin. I can’t imagine now having to accommodate another persons needs. I suppose that makes me selfish but I am in control of my life and choices.

I’m also not scared of spiders so that’s a plus! 😂

@Zofloramummy glad I know who to come to with my plumbing queries

Well done you and you know what? Selfish is good so don't apologise.
You have to be your own best friend sometimes and put yourself and your own needs first.

Welcome to the superwomen's thread!

Oh @MsKL we can get you more adventurous for sure.
Ok fish is cancelled but how about using those lovely vegetables in a soup?
Takes about 20 minutes and super easy to make?

Soup sounds good. Anything else I should add apart from veg and stock?

Dear god no, cannot imagine going through all that again. EA and serial cheater. Good luck to whoever he preyed on after me, and there were a few. Quite happy in my own little world. What I deem to be the perfect man only exists in romantic movies.

Welcome @TheUnquestionedAnswer and I agree romantic movies have a lot to answer for.
Now onto soups @MsKL
The key for me is to really saute the veg in butter first before adding stock.
I made a lovely carrot, coriander and celery soup (with a hint of coconut) the other day and softening the veg first really enhanced the taste.
Perhaps we should start a solo/ small family recipe swap on the thread too?

I'm not a big fan of coriander, but carrot and celery sounds nice. I'll definitely soften the veg in butter first.

I think a recipe swap for singles and small families is a great idea! Either here or on a new thread?

Single for 8 years after splitting with ex of 10 years. Always found relationships difficult as I'm very independent (and uncompromising no doubt). Qualities that would be applauded in a man but as a woman people think you somehow need to be 'rescued'.

Wanted children late 30s and didn't want the stress of starting a relationship as a means to the end so went it alone. Also didn't like the thought of having to share kids if anything went wrong. So I went it alone and had DS early 40s via a donor. Never looked back. My advice would be if you really want kids don't rule out this option because you think it would be too difficult to explain to people. It was surprisingly easy and everyone including elderly relatives and the like have been very accepting. I did everything other parents would do, NCT groups etc., and no-one has batted an eyelid.

Not closed the door on relationships but can't imagine living with a man again. And who says you have to. This is 2020! (2021 to be exact).

Love the idea of a recipe thread! I have a very picky eater (dd) so often make nice food just for myself as she won’t even smell it! 😂

Ok ladies so the requested thread for solo eaters or small families can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/food_and_recipes/4136953-Recipe-ideas-For-Singletons-Small-Families

I'd love to meet someone but it all seems so complicated these days. All of it.

@OhioOhioOhio dating can be a bit like Russian roulette but there's nothing more attractive than confidence so working on yourself and being happy whilst alone, has benefits whether you're in a relationship or not

I'm sat here tonight with a glass of wine and my cat, and it's not bad, you know. No one demanding anything. I've changed my bed, so nice clean bedding to look forward to. I've spoken to a friend on the phone, haven't seen her for over two years, so it was lovely. In fact this week I've spoken to more people on the phone than I have for a long time. It's nice to have time for friends

Good to hear your spirits are high @MsKL and there's quite a few ideas on the solo recipe board now
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/food_and_recipes/4136953-Recipe-ideas-For-Singletons-Small-Families

Thanks @wherearthough I've found the thread and posted on it

Women are so much better off without men around. No chance of being killed in your own home by a partner/ ex-partner. Or abused. Or ignored, lied to, used and taken for granted.
If no woman ever lived with any man millions of women would be so much better off physically and emotionally. So much less abuse of women, less murder. It is so sad that women continue to shack up with men when it is so dangerous to their physical and mental health. Women should be properly subsidised by the government so they are never forced to share the cost of housing with any man.
I may have relationships in the future but I will never live under the same roof as any man for the rest of my life.

Now wouldn't that be a bold policy @HotelRoomforOne if every woman was subsidised to live alone? I wonder how many would take up the offer?

Some famous women who would still be here but for men came to mind and I thought of Amy Whinehouse, Whitney Houston & Caroline Flack for starters.

I’m lying in bed with a coffee. One cat is asleep on the end of the bed, the other is sitting on my desk looking out the window, just watching the world go by! It’s so peaceful and relaxing.I’m sprawled across the bed with my iPad. No room for a man

I found weekends with a partner quite difficult in the past. I’m someone who has a lot of home based hobbies, crafts and suchlike. I’m happy to go out but there has to be a reason for me. I’m not someone who feels the need to get out of the house for the sake of it. So partners usually fell into one of two camps. Either those who did want to get out, and I’d feel pressured into going with them. Or those who did want to stay home but wanted to park their bum in front of the TV all day. Which was annoying as they’d want me to sit with them to “spend time together”.

I love my weekends now. I’ll get up when I feel like it. Then spend the day doing exactly what I want to do. When I think of all the weekends I wasted making someone else happy, going to places I didn’t want to go or watching endless “come dine with me”, I wonder why I did it!

I have been married twice, first time 23 yrs, second 8 yrs. I have been single for over 12 years now, no relationships in that time. I truly feel that I wouldn't want a man in my life again, I am quite happy on my own.

It seems others have more of a problem with this than I do. People at work are always telling me I need to find a man and I would be happier with someone in my life. No thank you, I will carry on as I am.

Good for you @Londonnight and yes the external pressure and unwarranted pity from friends/family can be annoying.

I also love the weekends @Meruem and am also quite crafty ( I really need to spend more time at my sewing machine 😊) so it is great just pottering about without having to devote mind space to anyone but my children.

Thank you fir this thread, I've been lurking for a few days!

Split from my husband in May and did try dating late last year. Realised it was too soon so now trying to enjoy being single. Not always happy about it yet but hopefully will be one day 🙂 saying that I do enjoy the whole bed to myself and my dog!! Also spending money how I want and not having to answer to anyone or ask 'permission'!

I saw this thing online by a Scottish comedian, Daniel Sampson, I think. It was actually quite awe inspiring. He said that you had to love yourself 100 %. If you loved yourself 20% then someone coming along offering you 30% would make you snap their hand off. Anyway, it really made me think. Until I get my shit together I'm no good to anyone.