Single but not looking? Share the highs & lows

[wherearthough]

This thread is for those who have decided, for whatever reason, to no longer pursue romantic relationships with men.

It's not the female equivalent of MGTOW ( many of us will be raising sons and have great relationships with male family members and friends) so the purpose is not to moan about male shortcomings, but rather to celebrate the rewards of no longer pursuing and maintaining relationships.

My story? I finished with my ex last year and it was only in the aftermath that I was able to see how much of myself I had suppressed.

Subsequently I have thrived and whilst I'm not ruling out dating again, it's not a priority (my standards are so high now he probably doesn't exist anyhow so if this resonates with you, jump right in and share the highs and lows of being single... but not seeking.

I bought them from aldi last year and they have a really long handle and soft bristles at the end which open up and catch the spider without killing them then allow you to transport them safely outside- I also use the old glass and cardboard option if they're moving too fast

There is never a good time for a breakup but during covid must be even harder ..sending hugs and cake

I had a massive spider here in October, it was so fast, it was impossible to catch. Tbh ex didn't catch it either. I'm not sure a spider catcher would work. I can't go near them with a glass.

Sorry for derailing the thread.

I'm kind of the same. I split with my ex husband last year after 15 years together. As far as I was concerned we were soul mates. Not so much as far as he was concerned it seemed as he shagged my best mate.

My work friends have asked me when I'm going to start dating again and who they could set me up with at work. But tbh I'm actually okay being single. I wouldn't rule it out forever if I met someone but I'm in no rush and won't be actively seeking someone. It's me, my kids and my cats

I've been single for 7 years (wow, just realised that) since my divorce and single is the way I'm going to stay!
I have gone from bitter, broken and lonely to being completely sold on single life in a positive way.
I am free to make my own daft mistakes in life and to enjoy them 😀

Nicely surmised @MadameTuffington and the health benefits are huge..I'm sure we could market singledom as an anti aging health remedy 🤭
Thanks for sharing your stories
@Weekends & @Sideorderofchips.

Goodnight ladies

Goodnight @wherearthough

@Sideorderofchips I won't rule out dating at some point in the very distant future, but it would have to be someone really special and I've no idea where I'd meet someone. I'm also not sure such a person exists.

@Weekends you've said what I came on to say... although I'm only 4 years on from the end of a 20 year marriage!

@MsKL

Ah I need to hear all the great things about being single! Newly single here and currently feeling lonely, scared and anxious. We weren't living together and I can do most things I need to, but it all makes me anxious and stressed. I hate spiders too, so dreading spider season later in the year! I'm actually phobic about them, so can't catch them, sometimes I can hoover them up, then empty the hoover outside. I just can't get closer to them than the length of the Hoover wand.

I'll have a go at flat packs, and I'd love an electric screwdriver, but can't afford it right now. Tbh I'll not have anything to assemble for a while so that's ok.

I'm not going to look for another partner. I like doing things my own way, like my bed to myself, going to bed when I want. Just a bit sad at the moment that no one will cuddle or kiss me again. Not bothered about sex .. my vibrator is more reliable! At least it gets it right each time!

You need one of these.

https://www.findmeagift.co.uk/gifts/spider-catcher.html

@wherearthough

Arrh I feel for you *@MsKL* and don't expect to feel anything in any order ...just work through at your own pace as your breakup is probably still quite raw.

Isn't it mad the number of women who probably stay with their partners for fear of spiders??
For me I still don't like dealing with them but I see them more as needing help rather than predators so by catching them I try and shift my focus. I also have a spider catcher up and downstairs so I'm never caught out!

The affection side is harder but I rarely think about it in the grand scheme of things as I know the option is there (barring covid) if I ever want to go down that route again.

Just saw that you suggested the same! Great minds.

[quote TheNortherner]@MagentaIsDoesNotExist
I thought i had written your first post! ...although I'm not friends with my ex

I'm happy enough on my own and if i did meet someone it would not be with a view to living/marrying them. Not risking my childrens home again.
I also love being able to be more spontaneous with the children and trying lots of things with them that i think they would enjoy/challenge them and not having to wonder if i would have an extra sulky child alongside the actual children.
Downside is i dont have a lot of time for DIY and I would love to get better at it (without ruining my home in the process!) but this is something my ex was very good at and requires some degree of confidence that anything you mess up you can get fixed![/quote]
Hahahaa! Yes really not in need of another sulky child.

It's wonderful to find people with such similar thoughts and experiences.

I broke up with my narcissist asshole abusive exh of 20 years just over a year ago. I am now solo parenting my 3 kids in a tiny apartment and couldn't be happier. I am the Queen of building IKEA furniture now, for a start. Never allowed to do that kind of thing before as his royal highness used it as an excuse to shut himself away from everyone in a room while I entertained the children and kept them out of his way. @wherearthough, I totally agree with what you said about technology - I think my ex definitely made loads of things like that (and DIY) seem so complicated and tricky because he was trying to make himself indispensable. I really can't see myself wanting to live with a man ever again. I love decorating as I want, cooking what I want, choosing the furniture I want, listening to the music I want, burning incense or candles without a giant man baby saying it was giving him a headache etc etc. Not to mention the trauma of realizing I have been purposefully targeted by a predator taking advantage of my dysfunctional upbringing and trusting nature. Things are getting better every day.

Only asked h to leave yesterday. He's still here.

We haven't really been intimate for a long while maybe sex twice in a year or so and the affection isn't there really.

We used to be very affectionate but that spark went a while ago.

Right now I just want him to leave so I can find myself again and not have to keep thinking what he would want or second guessing or dancing to his tune.

I do know that il never live with or marry another man again.

I used to be so independent. Had my own place good career and a child when I first met dh and I seem to have lost myself along the way.

I'm so glad I stumbled across this thread for inspiration.
Thanks ladies

Good morning lovely ladies!

Loving the usernames @everythingbackbutyou and @anewlifeawaits ; they communicate so much and your stories are inspirational.
You're going to have a challenging time ahead @anewlifeawaits so hope you can use this thread as support.

I'm off to start my home yoga session so have a great day all 🥰

Thank you yes I'm going to keep checking I. For support here if that's ok

Need to stay strong because I know the anger will ease and that's when I need to be firm.

Yes! I have literally just turned 30 this month. In lockdown I found out my husband of almost 4 years and partner of almost 14 years was going after a girl from his work. After a lot of gaslighting on his end I chose to leave him. It’s only after I came out of the relationship I realise he was a total control freak, master manipulator and narcissist (don’t get me started on his mother!)

Since the separation my friends tell me how much happier I seem, even a stranger told me I radiate happiness. I’m back living with my family and absolutely loving life. I will never ever allow anyone to treat me the way he did. I love my freedom! I wasn’t even allowed to buy a piece of furniture, paint a wall or even pick bed covers I. Our home, I left the marriage with nothing except my clothes and make up because I was never allowed to buy anything. I’m now in the process of buying my dream home in my dream location. I’m so excited to furnish and decorate the way I always wanted too! When living with my husband he didn’t even allow me to keep my clothes in our bedroom so for 5 years I was basically sleeping in a room that wasn’t mine.

I could not be happier with life right now and once covid is over I can’t wait to explore the world. I have decided that within the next two years I will be conceiving a child (hopefully) with the use of a sperm donor. My family are extremely supportive of this because they know my freedom is what has made me truly happy.

After 14 years of sacrificing everything for someone who wouldn’t let me have a say in anything, I refuse to ever compromise with anyone again except for my own flesh and blood

Oh my @Amyf91 that sounds horrendous and I'm glad you're out of your former toxic environment.

The fact many women are still living in such circumstances doesn't bear thinking about but I'm not surprised you're now radiating ...all those years and stress must have been awful.

Onwards and upwards now though and you'll feel amazing as you start to put your own home together, pick colour schemes and ( when covid allows) start shopping like a pro!

Dunelm, ikea, John Lewis are my go to shops so happy to share tips when you get to that point

It’s only now I’m single that I realise many of the happy couples we see aren’t particularly happy! Men who are gushing about their wives and girlfriends on social media are continuing to like and comment on my photos and send me private Instagram messages (I don’t reply!) and I’ve realised I’m better off out of it all!

Society conditions is to believe we need a life partner to be happy but all I need is my dog, he’s amazing!!

Luckily I have a friend working at John Lewis who lets me use her staff discount, can’t wait to buy furniture!! Even towels I’m excited about!

I agree with lots that's been said already.

For me, one of the mistakes I made in the past is thinking that financially it's easier if there's 2 of you. In some ways, of course it is. But I've realised that I'd rather have less money and it all be my own to spend how I see fit, than share finances with another person again. Ultimately, any financial contribution a partner made usually only covered the increased costs anyway. I wasn't "gaining" in any way. All it meant was there was someone to criticise what I chose to spend my money on.

I also like not having to "consult" or consider anyone else. I remember with one partner I didn't go on holiday for 5 years because he didn't want to and made me feel selfish for wanting to take a holiday myself so I didn't. And I love travelling! Pre covid I went to so many places.

I get lots of affection from my 2 cats and they are always with me so I don't get lonely. I sometimes do miss sex but the sex men want nowadays is too heavily influenced by porn and I don't want that. So I'd rather go without anyway!

I could literally sit here half the day listing reasons why I'm happy to stay single! I'd struggle to give even 3 reasons why I'd want to be in a relationship.

Hey @Meruem glad you're in a good place and you're right ; many couples stay together due to finances without actually working out what they could achieve/afford if apart and I've said this daily...you can't put a price on peace of mind

Please do list your benefits of being single .. we had a good list going yesterday so the more the merrier!

@Amyf91 totally agree about society thinking you ‘need a man to be happy’. When my mum was diagnosed with cancer (she’s absolutely fine btw) she said lovely things to my brother and sister about achieving what they want in life, and her one great wish for me is to get married ok mum 😂

I have loved reading through this thread, the strength of women never ceases to amaze me, and make me so happy to see.

^^I have loved reading through this thread, the strength of women never ceases to amaze me, and make me so happy to see.

Great to know @Ostryga x

I had a post on this board recently, I've reached this conclusion.
my standards are so high now he probably doesn't exist anyhow really just different outlooks to many so don't think he'll exist

But I'm happily single anyways.
Don't want a guy around my young kids.
And my puppy is growing exponentially, and growing to be a brilliant fluffy giant companion who looks adoringly at me (honestly what guy could compete with that 😂)

I've just ordered a used copy of Delia Smith's Cooking for one because I want to inspire myself to cook more, I've been living off frozen stuff recently, even when my ex was here, and I need to do something, so thought I'd cook a bit.

I've no DC at home, all adults, youngest has just gone back to uni.

Can I ask what sort of things others cook?

4 years single here. Had a busy decade of flings, relationships, dates, too many men tbh, rounded off with an unexpected pregnancy early into a casual relationship (shocker - it didnt last).

Have been single ever since.

Would like to have sex (though havent), but no interest in a relationship, and certainly couldnt imagine meeting a man I would want to introduce to my DS - so basically, can't offer anyone anything more than casual.

I'm 100% fine with it.

Well @MsKL I'm a pescatarian so I eat loads of stir frys, salmon with veg & pasta dishes etc . I also own a bread maker which Is perfect for home made pizza, ciabatta or even cakes!

bbc good food is a good site as you can enter ingredients you have in your fridge and get recipe suggestions!

Let us know how you get on