FFJA
This will be more of a vent than a request for help I guess so fee free to be disinterested…
5 months ago I met my as I have to get used to calling her ex girlfriend. Started slowly, nice walks, getting to know each other with chatting by text, holding hands. All rather romantic and old fashioned for me!
Took a while for her to relax, lots of anxiety about covid etc, weeks before she would give me her number, but after a while we were Fb official as the kids say, and in what I thought was a loving happy relationship. I’d never been as happy, she said it felt different to with exes, that she felt secure and loved and more relaxed than in a very long time. It was lovely. Shared interests, even thought about buying a pony together..
She’d mentioned her anxiety was likely to be worse when she returned to work as a TA in September and her son returned to school, and for a while things were fine. Then almost out of the blue, it’s all gone. It’s like she’s flicked a switch in her head.
She says she can’t cope, can’t ever be with anyone, she loved me so much, but she’s a horrible person, she pushes people away and treats everyone horribly.
She’d mentioned before she carries a lot of guilt over leaving her ex partner, and I know she has had not very successful counselling in the past, and tells me she’s been to Drs who have doubled her anti depressants. She says she isn’t running from me it’s her own head, that nothing can change, that she can’t handle the pressure, and isn’t capable of ever loving someone 🙁
I try to give her space, try to reassure her that it’s a stage of depression and that she knows it will pass but she is completely cutting me out of her life and I’m heartbroken. I’m back on my anti depressants to try to keep a lid on my emotions but all I want to do is cuddle her and tell her I love her.
She’s said that in the past she’s repeatedly pushed partners away and then wanted them back, I’m just praying we get to that stage but at the moment it’s like talking to a wall and the woman of 3 weeks ago no longer exists or loves me.
So erm yes. Anyone else have experience of partners with what seems like bipolar/anxiety/depression and how to support her without her pushing me further away, as the thought of not seeing her ever again is unbearable.