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Original poster

How do I divorce someone who doesn’t want to

24 replies

Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 07:05

We were together for 15 years, married for 12. I left him in 2014, 3 children aged 12, 13 and 14.

He’s a high earner, lives in U.K. I’ve no home address for him, just his workplace. He doesn’t pay maintenance for children although gives money for Christmas and Birthdays. His name is still on the mortgage, he doesn’t pay for that either.

I suspect he’s waiting until the youngest is 18 and he’ll want to force sale of house then.

Where do I start?

I want to keep my house, not interested in maintenance.

Help please!

OP posts:
Sodamncold · 26/10/2020 07:07

Oh op

You need to get legal advice. Please. Just get legal advice. Ask for a local recommendation.

CupoTeap · 26/10/2020 07:07

You must see a solicitor, you can serve him papers even if you don't know his address.

Original poster
Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 07:20

He is the snakiest bastard you could ever have the misfortune to meet. The type to have thousands in the bank, will have hidden most of it, probably in a hole in his garden.

He also didn’t pay a car loan for 26k which was added to my mortgage, such a mess.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 26/10/2020 07:21

Legal advice ASAP

slipperywhensparticus · 26/10/2020 07:24

This is complicated so legal advice is a must

And cmo for the kids they deserve support

Muchadoaboutlife · 26/10/2020 07:32

See a solicitor ASAP
You deserve a share of those assets. Plus his pension. As a starting point you will get 50% of everything

Muchadoaboutlife · 26/10/2020 07:33

Plus get a deed of separation so he can’t just keep adding loans in your name. Do this today. Ring solicitors today

Original poster
Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 07:59

Kids do deserve support absolutely but he would never pay it, bastard. I do have a court order re maintenance but he just wipes his arse with them.

It is really complicated isn’t it.

The loan thing was years ago, he got it then had the car stolen and burnt out and claimed on his insurance.

I’m now stuck in my house as can’t sell it unless that loan is paid off, what a mess.

I’d never get another mortgage, hence why I have to keep my home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 08:03

How can I even find out about his pension, he will hide everything or put it into another name. Honestly he’s so sly it’s unreal.

OP posts:
Sakurami · 26/10/2020 08:09

Have you spoken to a solicitor? You need legal advice. Speak to various ones and I've heard of forensic accountants too.

AdoreTheBeach · 26/10/2020 08:10

You need legal advice

If you know where he works, is he on PAYE ? It, an office or similar regular employer? If so, why isn’t maintenance coming out of his salary?

A solicitor can also try to track him down or his employer down as they’ll need to find out about his pension as that seems likely to be where most of your settlement (plus house) should come from.

You can divorce someone if you don’t where where they live by demonstrating that attempts have been made to find them and serve court papers. Your solicitor can handle that.

Even if they are found and served, it would cost more but you can still get divorced from their non action. Courts would rule in your favour for divorce. Gets trickier but not impossible for financial settlement.

Original poster
Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 08:25

The thing is I don’t have huge amounts of money to fight him and because of my financial situation I know I won’t get another mortgage so would settle on just keeping my house.

My local citizens advice do a family law evening once a month so I’ll start there. Perhaps they could help me fill out some forms that I don’t necessarily need a Solicitor for.

My God, I better have my Weetabix, this fella is a nut job.

He started a thread about me on here once.

He’s horrible.

OP posts:
RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder · 26/10/2020 08:32

It could end up being more expensive not having a solicitor than getting one. If it’s you against his legal team you are more likely to lose your home. Speak to a proper solicitor and see it as an investment.

Sodamncold · 26/10/2020 08:33

Op

As you stray this journey I would strongly recommend you try to become less emotional about him.
It won’t make the slightest bit of difference to divorce settlement that you thinks he a sly bastard

Purplewithred · 26/10/2020 08:35

You seriously need a solicitor to help you through this, especially if there is a chance that triggering a divorce might end up with him forcing the sale of your house. For starters divorce isn’t your problem - you’ve been separated 5 years, you can do that without any input from him - but you do need a financial settlement, and doing that with an unwilling person needs the law on your side.

Original poster
Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 08:36

I couldn’t be less emotional, just telling you what he like.

I will of course get a Solicitor, absolute madness not to.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 26/10/2020 08:43

When you get a solicitor, they will go looking for his pensions etc. I knew the ex-husband was hiding his money, and the first solicitor I went to was all for finding everything - I actually didn't want that as his money was irrelevant to me, so I found someone else.

But you do need a solicitor like that, who is experienced in dealing with high-conflict divorce. They will sort it out, and their advice will be far more useful than can be gained from a forum.

VainAbigail · 26/10/2020 08:53

Do you have a deed of separation? Are you legally separated?

BertieBloopsMum · 26/10/2020 08:56

My local citizens advice do a family law evening once a month so I’ll start there. Perhaps they could help me fill out some forms that I don’t necessarily need a Solicitor for.

I really wouldn't bother. If he's as slippery as you say, a couple of forms you've filled out yourself isn't going to change anything.

You MUST NOT divorce him without getting legal advice. You have been very naive throughout this whole process, and he has taken advantage of that.

Sakurami · 26/10/2020 12:42

The money for the solicitor will be paid from your divorce settlement. Please seek professional.advice and don't listen to him.

Sodamncold · 26/10/2020 13:55

@Sakurami

The money for the solicitor will be paid from your divorce settlement. Please seek professional.advice and don't listen to him.
You’ve not gone through the divorce process? Have you

Because they bill you monthly.

So what my sol did is request that my ex out a retainer of £5k towards my Sol fees.
I was a sAHM and he was very high earner.

Solicitors do NOT wait until the settlement as that could stretch in to many many months and or years.

They bill monthly

Original poster
Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 14:40

@BertieBloopsMum not naive at all. I’ve only recently found out where he works before that he was on the missing list.

OP posts:
BertieBloopsMum · 26/10/2020 21:53

[quote Greeneyes78]@BertieBloopsMum not naive at all. I’ve only recently found out where he works before that he was on the missing list.[/quote]
Well, you're currently paying his mortgage, he gives you no money, and you're stuck with his bad debt. But sure, you're not naive at all!

Best of luck with the CAB.

newnameforthis123 · 26/10/2020 22:43

Solicitor ASAP and chat to them about a forensic accountant if he's as sneaky as you suspect. God he sounds like an absolute cunt.

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