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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Clues left by the OW

79 replies

EpochTime · 23/10/2020 15:43

Mine was a pilates mat strap left in my husband's suitcase after he'd been away on 'business' (although the clue didn't actually work at the time because back then I naively thought that my husband - my supposed best friend - actually loved me!).
I assume now that these surprise clues are left in a bid to hasten the demise of the marriage?
I wonder if he raised the issue with her at the time and whether he had a go at her for being so manipulative scatty or whether they had a good laugh at my expense.
I must ask him sometime...

OP posts:
ABCDay · 25/10/2020 14:14

@CoolYourBeansMySon

It hadn't occurred to me until I read this thread. I kept having to adjust the passenger seat in our car. I would ask him if he'd given someone a lift and he always said no. Penny dropping moment Hmm
My ex eventually left and moved in with the ow. He came back for the rest of his stuff but left his car open. I moved the passenger seat just to give her that little bit of doubt.
alvinp · 25/10/2020 14:16

My exDW got a parking ticket. Outside OM's house.

Carrottop73 · 25/10/2020 18:58

A friend found a very used, tacky colour lipstick in her car. She questioned her husband but he (obviously) denied it. It wasn’t until the affair was rumbled that the rank lipstick became clear.

OW wanted the marriage to end, but wanted to leave something that was also deniable. She didn’t want to anger the man she wanted. Also she didn’t want to waste a good lipstick so it was a well used/ almost done lipstick. Classy lady.

mindutopia · 25/10/2020 19:08

My old dirtbag uni boyfriend (who cheated on me with literally like 4 different people, including a friend of ours) was cheating with an ex girlfriend. She cleverly left a piece of post with her name and address on it on the floor of the passenger side of his car.

Princessposie · 26/10/2020 08:49

Facebook posts, open, knowing that I’d probably be looking Blush

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 26/10/2020 09:27

@sunflowershine That is genius!! Wine

davekim · 26/10/2020 20:56

I found a hair slide on my bedside table.

Georgeoftheinternet · 26/10/2020 21:48

@Carrottop73 I don’t understand?

Carrottop73 · 26/10/2020 22:36

@georgeoftheinternet excuse my typing if it wasn’t clear.
My friends husband was having an affair. OW left lipstick in car as clue. My friend didn’t pick up on the clue (assumed a friend must have left it) but later discovered the affair. She kept the lipstick thinking a friend may want her lipstick back.
She then realised the lipstick had been left as a clue. The fact it was well used showed the OW didn’t even want to waste a good lipstick.
Seems likely the OW wanted the marriage to end.

Georgeoftheinternet · 26/10/2020 22:39

@Carrottop73 makes sense!

ShortFatandDumpy · 27/10/2020 00:20

1 pair of burgundy cum stained size 18 99p Primark knickers left under the passenger seat in our family car. Sadly found by our teenage daughter.

Same weekend I found an exact same pair with a dried up crunchy crotch in his jacket pocket.

This came after a few months of random earrings, lipbalms, eye pencils turning up on the family car. With 2 teenage daughters though the three of us (me and my girls) all assumed for months they were one of ours.

However, the bunny boiler skank also had been and still is stalking me on social media. For the past 2 years + she's been replying or liking everything I post about on community page's.
She even started a "supportive" post on our village fb page about my rare type of cancer I had, which was when during my treatment my husband and her started fucking.

ShizeItsWeegie · 27/10/2020 00:40

@ShortFatandDumpy

1 pair of burgundy cum stained size 18 99p Primark knickers left under the passenger seat in our family car. Sadly found by our teenage daughter.

Same weekend I found an exact same pair with a dried up crunchy crotch in his jacket pocket.

This came after a few months of random earrings, lipbalms, eye pencils turning up on the family car. With 2 teenage daughters though the three of us (me and my girls) all assumed for months they were one of ours.

However, the bunny boiler skank also had been and still is stalking me on social media. For the past 2 years + she's been replying or liking everything I post about on community page's.
She even started a "supportive" post on our village fb page about my rare type of cancer I had, which was when during my treatment my husband and her started fucking.

Holy crap! ShortFatAndDumpy Bloody hell!

I had a boss years ago that shagged everything that moved. His wife used to leave open condom wrappers in the passenger door pocket for his conquests to see and assume/realise they weren't the only one.

I found this out when he lost his licence through drink driving and I had to drive him about on his rounds for a year so had his car. My DP at the time found it and I had some explaining to do that I couldn't explain : (

hadtojoin · 27/10/2020 01:07

A friend 'A' had an affair with a man who's girlfriend lived 200 miles away and only came down every other weekend. He was not houseproud at all and the house was very grimey. She cleaned the place from top to bottom before she left while he was collecting his GF knowing that he would never have done that. He had no excuse and the GF left him. They broke up some months later when 'A' discovered he had a new OW.

Graphista · 27/10/2020 02:53

My ex was "no James Bond" as mrs tribbiani said!

Didn't lock his phone, didn't log out of email (and didn't change the password which I knew), suddenly started "working late" when previously a clock watcher etc

I realised quite early on but was well advised to keep my cards close to my chest and give him enough rope - which he did!

Things reached a crunch point and I told him what I already knew/had seen and he STILL denied all...even when he told me less than 2 weeks later she was pregnant! Apparently she'd only just got pregnant as they'd only just got together blah blah blah!

Re pp they're still together...he still cheats! Inc propositioning me the day before their wedding!

That was my little revenge, except I was able to exact it without doing a thing! He knew I'd read it, it was unambiguous inc that he meant it for me (pet name) and I didn't even reply BUT he knew I had the message and could have dropped that bomb that day, I have on good authority that he basically spent their wedding day shitting himself in case I dropped him in it! Grin

He's not allowed to socialise alone, or even have his own sm pages etc as she doesn't trust him, he still manages to cheat.

No longer my monkeys! Her problem now.

whiskersonkittenss · 27/10/2020 03:02

I found two condom wrappers under his bed as I was gathering his laundry to clean on his birthday.
Condoms I'd bought but we hadn't used.

Price tag off some women's primark knickers in his bedroom and ginger hair on his brush. I'm brunette and he was blonde.
All on the same day. His birthday when I'd traveled 6 hours to make it special for him.
Since found out he's cheated on every woman he's been with. Envy - not envy

ShizeItsWeegie · 27/10/2020 06:01

Primark knickers seem to be trending here as a sign of low activity.

Grin
SpectralPlot · 27/10/2020 15:10

Lolling at all the descriptions of cheap undies, perfumes and jewellery... some of these OWs must have taste/style surely. Can't all be bargain - basement Primarni? :)

WhenPushComesToShove · 27/10/2020 15:36

Shamelessly following....

Tara336 · 27/10/2020 16:11

My Exh is no longer with the OW she was the last of a few. He dumped her for being too demanding. I did warn him she was a bunny boiler as she had stalked me on social media, comparing herself to me (she’s 10 years older then me and no oil painting) she had tried to ingratiate herself with DD which made me see all shades of red and it finally sunk in to the idiot ex that I was right and he’d lost his home and family for the poor mans version of glen close

Graphista · 27/10/2020 16:20

@SpectralPlot I must say "my" ow was stunning when they first got together but then she was very young and hadn't had dc yet and wasn't long term with ex yet!

Someone recently sent me a pic of them both - they both looked miserable, knackered and older than me! (And she's considerably younger than me!)

And yes I did say to the sender well that's just one pic, they commented it was a pic that made them look a lot better than they usually do in real life! Both are completely grey for starters. I'm greying but just a few streaks at the moment.

Ahh well, that's what having 5 dc and staying with my cheating ex will do to you I guess. Wink

She is still very slim but then I also know that ex was really hard on her re weight gain after each baby.

He tried that crap on me ONCE I told him to fuck off! Grin

That I'd just grown and birthed his child, almost losing both lives in the process and was now bf said child and would lose the weight if and when I damn well pleased (I did lose it plus more in the 1st year but regained a fair bit in the 2nd - long story shan't bore)

He didn't raise the issue again! But interestingly the point at which he propositioned me I was at my heaviest! Yet he was full of compliments! She was at her slimmest in prep for wedding.

Noitjustwontdo · 27/10/2020 16:55

I was the OW years ago but I honestly had no idea, just thought we were exclusively dating. He worked as a tour manager so we’d often hang out together at gigs with his colleagues and sometimes bang backstage. None of them ever told me he had a girlfriend. I should have been suspicious about the fact he’d never let me go back to his house, he said his housemate was arsey about him bringing girls back so he never bothered anymore. I was very young and stupid so fell for it.

There was no real sign of a girlfriend on his social media but he did have a few pics with one girl he said was his best friend, he also said she was a lesbian. I commented on a couple of his things on Facebook and I’m assuming she got suspicious about me so must’ve gone through his phone whilst he slept. I woke up one morning to a very long message from her on Facebook anyway. We messaged for a couple of days, she kept asking me for details about our relations. I explained we’d actually met on an online dating site and showed her screenshots of his profile on there as evidence! She was quite kind and empathetic when she realised I had no idea she existed. I expected they’d split up but they actually went on to get married and have a child not long after. They split when said child was a year old...

steadyasugo · 29/10/2020 13:41

hello commentators , some very funny stories . How some women trap the men !

usualreaderonly · 29/10/2020 15:25

Topping up phone credit (debits from his bank account) with a provider we didn't use. She bought a second phone and set up to his account. Not very clever my husband is he.......her i'm not sure, she carried on topping up after it all ended so not that daft.

Pop331 · 29/10/2020 15:39

@usualreaderonly

Topping up phone credit (debits from his bank account) with a provider we didn't use. She bought a second phone and set up to his account. Not very clever my husband is he.......her i'm not sure, she carried on topping up after it all ended so not that daft.
haha hopefully you took the rest of his money when you got rid.

With me the chlamydia that the OW gave my husband was a big clue thankfully it was a gift I didn't receive haha

Ballstothis148 · 29/10/2020 15:56

Found in his bedside table a box of condoms without that thin plastic film on, but we hadn’t used condoms for maybe a year by that point. Checked a month later and they’d moved... then thought he surely hasn’t opened it... half were missing.

The reality that he was banging a student in our bed for the last few months just couldn’t occur to me. Took me finding messages between them to believe it Hmm

She got her masters that way (and knew we were in a long term relationship). Some people are just skanks, men and women.