Role play but waaay too self-conscious!!!

[galinblue432]

Things between me and DP are a bit... dry in the bedroom and I have seen/been told to try role play. However I suffer from anxiety and my self-esteem is horrific. I can't even think about doing role play without cringing at myself and hating myself. Does anyone have any tips to ease myself into role play and making it as cringe-less as possible?

Alcohol!!

Haha a very fair comment! And definitely worth a try the first time 😂

You absolutely 100% do not have to do anything in the bedroom that your are uncomfortable with. It won't lead to great sex if you're uncomfortable anyway.

I'm not sure this is great advice, tbf. If you're not a natural actor, it can be really hard. Perhaps think of things that make you feel other than yourself without having to dream up a full roleplay? You don't need a script or hackneyed roles--just something that seems different.

What do you mean - you have been ‘told’ to try role play ?

How can it be fun for you if you are being forced ?

My tip is the same as @PermaStress. Don’t do stuff that you Don’t want to.

Who has told you to role play? It doesn’t sound as if you like the idea/want to do it at all. I’m interested as to why you feel you should do it if the mere idea feels so unnatural/cringy?

There are other things you could try that maybe wouldn’t seem like such a big leap. Like, sharing fantasies maybe or dirty talk? They could lead to role play in time if you both feel turned on by it.

Don’t do it if it doesn’t float your boat. But if you think it’s worth a try you could get a wig.

Is it something you want to do? What do you fancy doing sexually? Chat between you about what you like the idea of and do it.

It doesn't sound like you're that keen on this idea, you just feel you should do it.

If you want to give it a go I recommend reading stuff that gives you ideas about what to say etc.

Definitely alcohol. Role play was suggested to me by a hcp (after trauma as a way of coping with a physical relationship) and the first time I think we both felt ridiculous but it helped us immensely. It sounds stupid because I've no idea why it should make a difference but I went from completely freezing up at the thought to wanting to "play" over time.

I think what you pick is important too. We went for the Romans first time and ended up arguing over a Latin phrase. Don't do that. Go for something you are both on board with and that won't make you feel silly.

However I agree with everyone else, it won't work if you feel self conscious/uncomfortable. You both need to want to do it.

Who's told you to try role-play?

If it's not your DP suggesting it could be fun (and not telling you) but rather an outside person, and you haven't discussed it with DP, you need to chat about it first.

Who told you?

It wouldn't be my bag, I'd feel a complete fool. So it would be quite unlikely to lead to fab sex tbh.

I do however agree with alcohol, perhaps a night away. Or simple reconnecting, do something you used to love together, do something new and fun together - and try and get that to lead to re-appreciating one another. Seeing each other with fresh eyes.

Rather than dressing up as a naughty Ebola nurse (yes, the costumes are online and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before there's a COVID one too )

If this is something you want to try, just start small. It doesn't have to be an elaborate performance. I would also say that it's easier if it's something you've come up with rather than been told to do. I couldn't just "be" someone that DH suggested.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. I'm not sure I'd recommend it if things aren't great in the bedroom. Personally I would imagine it being very tricky if the relationship wasn't already enjoying a healthy "vanilla" sex life.

If you're uncomfortable with it could you try a roleplay that doesn't feel too fake at first, for instance recreating the first night you met?

First, roleplay what?
It needs to be a scenario that actually turns you on, otherwise, what's the point?

And if it turns you on (in other word, it's a fantasy of yours), why not practice solo first, in the comfort of your own head?

You may well find this is enough to put you more in the mood.

(But if the problem is DP being bored, and demanding roleplay from you... Then that's a different story)

@galinblue432 buy some cool outfits which you feel sexy in

Do a masseuse/customer one. It's easy because not much talking involved but still fun.

Why not try roleplay through text message? Take it slowly to begin with until finally ‘meeting’
You know like what ever fantasy situation you both decide on whether its escort and client for example you text making arrangements ect, make it exciting for a few days so there is a big build up?
Maybe download a message app for just you role play fun?
I have a friend who’s done it with her dh with different fanstasys from escort to celebrities lol she says it really helped her relationship and added much needed fun.