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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I going about this the right way

7 replies

asitis88 · 10/06/2020 11:38

Firstly, I know a few people can be quite harsh about these kind of things when commenting. I'm not one of the "cool wife and girlfriends" who will let certain things happen

Anyway, in my previous 10 year relationship I was cheated on, I found out, and left him.
I entered into my next relationship 2 years later. We've been together for nearly 3 years. I've often seen him looking at certain things on his phone (women, porn) I know porns a touchy subject on here, but it's not for me and I don't like that he does it, he knows I don't, and he'll do what he does when I'm not here. But my biggest issue is his attitude towards women. He constantly stares at women when we are out together. He denies this but I'm not blind. I picked him up from work last night and on the way home and we saw an attractive woman. I've never seen anyone's head turn so sharply to look. To cut a long story short, I told him if he continues doing this kind of shit, he's gone. I don't know if I was right to say it, but I told myself after my last relationship there's not way I'm standing for any disrespect in that way. I'm just disgusted he lacks that much respect for me he does this? People might say oh he's a man they are visual creatures, NO, I don't agree, surely he should at least control himself when he's with me?

OP posts:
asitis88 · 10/06/2020 11:40

To add, I don't search his phone. He has a bad habit of not closing down what he's looking at and if he picks up his phone next to me it's been left up when he's unlocked it Hmm

OP posts:
KellyHall · 10/06/2020 11:41

My dad's the same, he'll never change but he'd never make rude comments or anything, he's just enjoying looking at a beautiful woman. It's actually not that different when I see a gorgeous man.

asitis88 · 10/06/2020 11:42

@KellyHall
I get people appreciating other people in that way. But I'd never do this in front of him, and even without him I'd have the respect of it being just a glance

OP posts:
category12 · 10/06/2020 11:44

So don't stay with him.

Plenty of men can manage not to lech over other women.

Thelnebriati · 10/06/2020 11:46

I wouldn't be comfortable with that. He's not there spending time with you, is he? He's off in a fantasy that includes someone else.

Mermaidwaves · 11/06/2020 09:57

My ex husband used to openly ogle other women in front of me, it used to hurt because I felt it was disrespectful too and I used to wonder how he acted when I wasnt around. He ended up being a serial cheater so it makes sense.

Delbelleber · 11/06/2020 10:13

Yuk can't stand that type of behaviour

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