Shall I move into the spare room? Marriage awful.

[Mirandaandsteve]

We've been married 12 years, two amazing, easy, kids. Marriage is in a mess, i think I panic settled, broody and single in my early 30's. H just annoys me, we have started counselling, early days. He wants me to be more loving and sexual, I want him to have a bit of conversation and be interested and supportive. I've got a lot going on, bereavement etc. Lying here in bed, he's snoring, we don't touch in bed. I would be happier in spare room but is that totally giving up? Kids would think it weird. Has anyone made it back from the spare room?

Do you fancy him or like him as a person?

I shoukd fancy him, he's attractive one of those annoying people who get better with age, I just don't want sex. Not liking him much either.

If you've recently suffered a bereavement then I wouldn't make any perinany decisions just now.

Fine to sleep in the spare room for tonight though, if you're having trouble sleeping.

Hmm. You said you had a bereavement. That can be tricky and affect you in ways you think you are over it, but may not be.
I wouldn't write it off just yet. If the bereavement, etc, took your attention off your DH, then his behaviour will change as a response to that.
Likewise if he is ignoring you and not chatting, then you will feel dismissed and disconnected and shut yourself down. A vicious circle ensues. Take it step by step.
Kids can change things and create different phases in a marriage depending on their ages. Its not static.

You don't need permission from anyone.

I'd do it. Couldn't stand sharing my personal space with a snorer. Never mind having suffered a bereavement and him being unsupportive.

I hope the pestering for sex hasn't continued since the bereavement.