Arrrrrrgh! My STBEH is a knob!!

[Tenminwait]

We’re still living together 😬

Financially we can’t move out at the moment and I need money out of our/his business to set my own business up, which I can’t have at the moment due to current financial insecurity. If I go down any other route he will drag his heels before I get it. He’d love for me to leave and go on benefits and be the big I am giving me money every week.

So I’m having to put up with his sulks and silences if I dare to ask him not do something that impacts me and the kids. I’ve worked really hard not to my anxiety overwhelm me and stay in an upbeat mood for the kids but he constantly does things that piss me off! Eg saying he will be home with the kids at 5:30 knowing that’s what time I’m putting dinner out for us all then his switches his phone off and comes in at 6:30 and the kids food is stale! He then said ‘i don’t want any dinner’ and fucked off to his man cave for the entire night! ( which is a blessing!)

He was slamming his bedroom door last night and I text him to please stopping slamming the door as it’s making the house shake - apparently it’s a fire door and it does that it’s self strange that I’ve never heard it like that before!

He’s just got up this morning and walked straight out and went to work. I rang him to talk to him about a development about one of Dds school and he’s ignored it. He’s dick!!

I feel like karate chopping him in the neck!

Feed you and the kids, leave his on a plate in the oven.

Why are you making the kids wait for him to have their dinner? Make yours and theirs and he can make his own?

Cooking for him? Give ya bloody head a shake woman!!

Eat the kids were with him. Other wise they’d have been fed.

Surely you just need to operate on the basis you are already split up? So sort food for you and the kids. I think if you are happy to offer it to him that’s lovely of you, but don’t wait for him if he’s late. Do you, and he can fit in or not as he wishes.

Sorry cross post! Makes a lot more sense!!

Yes you can’t change his but you can change yours

You are separating either stop making him dinner or tell him the time then leave in oven/on the hob

Inform him of the development and ask if want discuss if not do what you want

And stop engaging him he wants attention stop giving it to him

I read that as he’s out with the kids and they are all coming home late.

If that’s what’s happening just arrange easy tea for the kids that you can put in the heat as they come through the door.... and don’t cook for him!

Whoever has the kids feeds them!

Ah I know windy! But we can go through a period where it’s very amicable and he’s not being a knob so I just do us all dinner - then he does something he knows will piss me off and I either bite my tongue and let him take the piss or bring it up and risk him teaching me a lesson not to question him

Just don't do dinner. I know that you need to feed the children but I'd prepare something that can be cooked quickly and not do the childrens until they get back. Fuck him though . He can do his own.

You can move in a pandemic you can also leave due to domestic "abuse"

Personally I would set up the food to be cooked as soon as they arrive rather than when they say they are coming and ask him do you want me to cook something for you? He an say no strop off but no food is wasted

Oh I've heard of these, is that one of those magical fire doors that only slam when your husband is home? They're very expensive not sure they're worth the money though, I won't be getting one

Make lunchboxes for the kids when they're out with him if you can't trust him not to let you down without a care. They can be in the fridge and if he feeds them you can use the lunchboxes for next days lunch.

WhatCFeryIsThis I know right? The shit he thinks I will believe.

Yes lunch box is the answer. They go this place every afternoon but he is bringing them back later and later because he gets so engrossed in what they are going. Dd1 said she told him she was starving and he said ‘were going soon’

It’s not just that it’s the knock on effect it has on my mine and their night. When they get back they are filthy and need a good bath or shower. So late dinner/bath/ drying two heads of very long hair/ then story time and book discussion for eldest and it’s getting on nine before youngest is asleep then dd1 wants her ‘hour‘ to chill with me and it’s ten before I can settle myself.

Dd2 is up at 6am no matter what time she goes bed so it a long day for me.

This is why I had an earlier handover. 4pm drop off 4 pm pick up
Because otherwise it was ridiculous

Also he collects them, you pick them up. This then stops all this stupid stuff

To be clear

Either change the times to 4pm

He collects DC from you
You then collect DC from him

Therefore you are in control of what time you get them back

Why don't people RTFT?? They are living together, not doing drop offs/collections. The knob husband is taking the DDs out and bringing them back later than he should, hence why their dinner is getting ruined.

As others have said PP, make a simple dinner that can be warmed quickly when the DCs get home. Better still, your 'H' should be helping too - maybe he can get the dinner ready while you help the DDs have a quick shower? Hair wrapped up and dried after dinner, just to save a little bit of time.