Not married but I want to

[jodesxx]

My partner and I have been together for 4.5 years and are trying for a baby at the moment. We've lived together for 2.5 years and have a dog.

Initially I was very against marriage but I changed my mind about 3 years. Whereas he was open to it since my mind has changed he is now against it.

I want to get married, even if it was a small, low key day. He is just against it and makes up excuses like he has seen people be messed around once a marriage has ended, its pointless, he's not ready.

I just don't know if this is a warning sign or whether I should just persevere with it and maybe he will change his mind.

Why is it so important to you?

Would he agree to a civil partnership?

If not then I would wonder if he is expecting to stick around if you have a baby. If he isnt ready to marry is he actually ready to become a parent?

I feel cruel saying this, but the fact he did want to marry, and now he doesn't - plus 'hes not ready' - would be ringing clear alarm bells.

If he's not sure you're the one he wants to spend his life with, you absolutely should not be bringing a baby into the mix.

You know that's probably going to be the consensus, right?

Why are you trying to have a baby with someone who doesn't even want to marry you?

This would be a huge red flag to me and I wouldn't be trying for a baby either in those circumstances.

I'd stop ttc if you want marriage.

Are you intending to reduce your hours or stop working if you have a baby? You'd be foolish to become financially dependent on him if you're not married.

Stop everything OP.. and find someone who shares your dreams..

Definitely stop TTC

Are you aware of what the differences between living together and marriage are? Is he?

For most women having a baby with someone you are not married to puts you at a real disadvantage if the relationship ends. Is this the case for you? If so, Value yourself more. Think about the impact on any DC. Value them as well.

I’d give serious thought to your future and think hard about moving on

Stop TTC until you figure out if being married is a dealbreaker. If he’s not ready to be married, how come he is ready to be a father?