Alright then, I've had a glass of wine, I'm ready to take this discussion further. How does one learn to "Love Oneself"

[clumsymum]

I mean, I've tried. I've got various toys (rabbit, octopus, ordinary willy shaped).

But it does always seem like a false, odd thing to do. I've tried after a drink, stone cold sober, with music, with candles, after a bath, during a bath .......

Admittedly I haven't for a while, just didn't see the point. But I have heard that some people find it helps with stress, relaxation, better sleep.

So come on, I'm eager to learn .....

(I might have to change my name after this ....)

can't believe no-one has posted on this yet

I think fingers are the best thing to start with. Get in the mood and let your mind wander and give it a go

Oh and clitoral stimulation is what will make you orgasam more often than penetration, or both together.

Right, that's the first point... "Let your mind wander"
I CAN'T. Something in the mundanity of life always pops into my mind.

I once went to a hypnotherapist, who couldn't actually get me hypnotised, cos I can't "clear my mind".

Umm, . Do you fantasise? Perhaps you could concentrate on the mental part before you deal with the physical.

One of Nancy Friday's is quite a good starting point

Hmmm. A Johnny Depp film is usually quite effective imho.

If you start thinking about real life things then just go back to the fantasy, I have things pop into my mind from RL now and then but just pus then out and carry on. Try and start with something that turns you on to begin with and take it from there.

get yourself some reading material....judith krantz would be fine (i know i've talked about this before but the 12 page lesbian initiation scene scarred me for life )

then your reading will help your mind wander.

that would be the one in princess daisy.

which I don't own anymore

I shall have to dig out a couple of books from a corner to try again. Of course, my 'acoutrements and books' have had to be put away where a small boy won't find them.

I do wonder too about when you have finished. Do you get up and wash/hide your toys? Ds does come into our bedroom first thing.

I always have to use literature cos it helps my mind not to wander and stops me feeling stupid.

I read erotic fiction but mostly just Nancy Friday or Erotic Confessions that you can just dip in and out of.

I don't use toys either, I have got them, but they don't really do it for me, it's fingers only for me!

think its a case of when the mood takes you!
relax and learn about what feels nice what does the trick think about how you feel post sex what gets you in mood for sex
start with touching not toys so you know your body then when you know what you like add toys etc