New boyfriend of only a month talking about getting me pregnant...massive red flag?

[abwhite100]

So this is a weird one. Met my boyfriend online about 5 weeks ago, all in all have only had 7 dates. Each date has gone really well, we have loads in common, loads of chemistry, laughs a lot and I have genuinely never felt so comfortable and more able to be myself with someone in my whole life. But there have been some massive red flags and I have made mistakes by ignoring red flags in my last relationships and I'm at the stage where I have a little girl to consider and so I want to be sensible.

1st red flag. He is 30 and only had a girlfriend for 6 months, he claims he has never been in love.

2 nd red flag. He told me he loved me after our 4th date. He claims he knew after our first date and has never felt like this with anyone ever before. He says when you know you know.

3 rd red flag. He is very very very intense and has admitted himself he is a jealous person. He has made some controlling comments for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

4 th massive red flag. He stayed over at mine the other night, we have been using condoms as I am not on contraception as I am really sensitive to hormones and find nothing tends to agree with me. After sex the other night, he said, "you know I really don't want to use condoms, I only do because you want to but I like taking risks" then he kept going on and on in a jokey manner about how he is going to get me pregnant. This gave me absolute goosebumps especially as I said about 5 times that I do not want any more kids at this point in my life as I want to get my degree before even considering it. He still continued to make jokes saying he could pull out but he couldn't trust himself, or he would just not tell me he was about to cum and cum inside me without me knowing.

I really like this guy, I've not felt so connected to someone ever, but this pregnancy talk has really upset me and caused me to think about whether I should walk away regardless of the connection.

Should I discuss with him? Or should I walk?

I'm worried if I discuss he'll say he was only having a joke and put it on me making me look crazy.

Christ, reading this was like a horror story. Glad you've binned him OP, might be worth mentioning to someone IRL so they can keep an eye out for you. In case he's as difficult to get rid of as I suspect he will be. Move in, my God. He's fucking terrifying.

Awesome job getting shot of him! Well done. And don't be embarrassed as these sorts know exactly how to play with people. They sweep you up and don't give you time to breathe let alone think...all the while looking out for your own individual weaknesses to exploit. I've seen strong, confident women reduced to jibbering wrecks so it's not even a question of your mental/health issues ect… they are predators and everyone is potential prey. Only way to arm yourself is knowledge.

Chances are he will try to convince you to take him back. But if you are lucky he will go the opposite route of telling everyone you are dead/never existed/he dumped you ect...xD and you'll never see him again. Chance would be a fine thing.

I was thinking 'RUN' straight away on reading your OP, so I'm relieved you've binned him. Well done for spotting the signs early on, you're well out of that

The hills are that way

@littlewhitething

All this in 7 dates? You know what you have to do.

I just love a man who stops me seeing my friends and is desperate to get me pregnant against my wishes and life goals ... RUN !!!!!

Well done op, you should feel incredibly proud of yourself.

When I went for treatment for PTSD, which was a result of my marriage, my counselor said to me "If I walk into a waiting room of people, I can see who are my patients. Do you not think these perpetrators can spot you as well?

Icequeen, it is scary isn’t it. I watched a saville documentary and one woman said she had been abused before and that abusers “know, they canjust tell”
And I sat there and thought, actually it’s plain as fucking day once you know that.

Why in the crispy fried fuck are you even contemplating this and putting it out for discussion! Run (and I mean that literally) in the opposite direction from him!

This will not end well if you stay!!

Pregnancy as a threat? Lovely! Glad you’ve ditched him.

Oh my, so glad this thread went this way.

Somewhere in an alternate universe, another you is going to be having a bad time for years with this man. Good on you for making sure it wasn't you.

Glad to see you've taken strength from the hive OP. I suggest you tae a pregnancy test asap because he may have been giving voice to an action already taken - contraceptive sabotage.

Hope you're ok @abwhite100 have you blocked him yet? 🤞

Run like your fanny was on fire!

You've done absolutely the right thing OP and don't even think of being embarrassed, you don't have to explain or justify yourself to anyone else. If asked you can just say that you thought he was just what you wanted, but things changed. Don't expand on that.

Have a few stock phrases to hand should anyone push your boundaries again. For example in response to the statement that you wouldn't be going for a drink with your friend, you simply say 'that's a non-negotiable for me' and mean it.

Number 1 wouldn't bother me - my own DH was a late starter due to being a massive geek.
The rest would make me Usain Bolt.

Argh on phone app and whole thread didn't load. Well done! You're well rid. Gave me the heebiejeebies reading the things he was saying/doing. Always lists to your gut!

@SaveKevin, yes very scary. We're the ones looking just that bit wistful, that bit far away, looking down just enough not to catch people's eye, slightly tense, slightly lacking in confidence. Normal people wouldn't recognize the signs but they are really tunes into them. My ex went after all other women and they were all the same in that they were "needy" in some way and he could ride in like a knight on a charger and solve their problems, mirror their fears and desires and leave mayhem behind him. Oh I am so glad that's behind me now. But I still get the terrifying nightmares, not so often these days though, thanks to treatment!

RUN!

You guessed it..... another RUN!

No not heard anything and he won't be able to get in touch as he is literally blocked on all ways he knows to contact me. If he turns up at my door I will phone my dad, he knows about it.

We actually only had sex the last two dates and we used condoms which I provided and he had no access to beforehand so I am definitely not pregnant...unless the condom failed obviously which let's hope not. That would be a nightmare.

Stay strong abwhite. You've done the right thing. Please do tell your friends, including about the slapping and pregnancy things, their only feelings will be shock and gratitude that you got out safely. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Be proud of listening to yourself and asking us for help even though you're in a vulnerable place right now. You trusted yourself (and us), that is awesome.

Well done ABWhite. That thread sent shivers down my spine. You've done the right thing!

Arghhhhh, you have made a good choice OP.

When they say they 'like taking risks' with contraception, admit to being jealous and want children with someone they hardly know, it's a bad bet. Very bad. Men who do this like to trap women.

Well done for getting rid. He sounds like a narcissist in the early 'charm' phase. You've got good instincts and the courage to listen to them and act.