New boyfriend of only a month talking about getting me pregnant...massive red flag?

[abwhite100]

So this is a weird one. Met my boyfriend online about 5 weeks ago, all in all have only had 7 dates. Each date has gone really well, we have loads in common, loads of chemistry, laughs a lot and I have genuinely never felt so comfortable and more able to be myself with someone in my whole life. But there have been some massive red flags and I have made mistakes by ignoring red flags in my last relationships and I'm at the stage where I have a little girl to consider and so I want to be sensible.

1st red flag. He is 30 and only had a girlfriend for 6 months, he claims he has never been in love.

2 nd red flag. He told me he loved me after our 4th date. He claims he knew after our first date and has never felt like this with anyone ever before. He says when you know you know.

3 rd red flag. He is very very very intense and has admitted himself he is a jealous person. He has made some controlling comments for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

4 th massive red flag. He stayed over at mine the other night, we have been using condoms as I am not on contraception as I am really sensitive to hormones and find nothing tends to agree with me. After sex the other night, he said, "you know I really don't want to use condoms, I only do because you want to but I like taking risks" then he kept going on and on in a jokey manner about how he is going to get me pregnant. This gave me absolute goosebumps especially as I said about 5 times that I do not want any more kids at this point in my life as I want to get my degree before even considering it. He still continued to make jokes saying he could pull out but he couldn't trust himself, or he would just not tell me he was about to cum and cum inside me without me knowing.

I really like this guy, I've not felt so connected to someone ever, but this pregnancy talk has really upset me and caused me to think about whether I should walk away regardless of the connection.

Should I discuss with him? Or should I walk?

I'm worried if I discuss he'll say he was only having a joke and put it on me making me look crazy.

Well done OP for cutting off this guy and please dont feel stupid. You recognised the red flags, trusted your gut and got rid of him a few weeks in.

If there was a 'how to guide' for narcissistic abusers, it would word for word be what you described he did in your posts.

You have had a very lucky escape, be proud of yourself for doing what it takes many of us years to do. I stayed with mine (did nearly every single thing you mention in your OP) and he was a very violent abuse man so you have massively dodged a bullet.

Read this thread with my heart in my mouth. So relieved you've ditched him. Congratulations on spotting those red flags and for taking action.

Just get a chain lock for your door as a precaution in the event he does show up and wants to get in. Answer the door with chain on to all callers. Or just open a window to see who's there first.

If he's open about wanting to control who you can and cannot see socially, then imagine what he hasn't been open about yet. Definitely LTB

Run!!!!!!

If you have doubts, trust your gut feeling, always

🤔 if it wasn’t for the ‘only had a GF for 6 months I would seriously wonder if this was my Ex fiancé.

Same age, same intensity, same kinda stuff he’s saying! Don’t suppose he works in HR does he?

Hmm it took longer for the red flags to appear for me (unfortunately we were already engaged) but I ran for the hills! He was very charming and VERY full on which was flattering at first but it’s not a good idea trust me! If they’re like this now it gets worse. My ex also had a ‘daddy’ complex....shall not go into details xx

Run as fast as you fucking can.

Sorry for some reason I could only see the first page!

@TheHodge

That happened to me too. Could only see first page!

@Spiceupyourlife no he doesn't work in HR but sorry you went through that

I just worry that what if he is actually the real deal and I am just throwing him away.
OP - REALLY??

I started getting creeped out at your 3rd point and was aghast at the 4th point.

I had mentioned I like it rough at times and a few times he has slapped me on the face when we are just lying talking, not talking about anything sexual, just talking and he has slapped me in like a jokey way but it's hurt a bit.
Taking your first post on board I'm so glad you've severed all ties with him, thoroughly, decisively and irrevocably.

It's only five weeks in and he's already like this. Thank goodness he's really not been as subtle as some other Controllers and allowed you to see his darker side earlier rather than later.

Don't feel embarrassed- this could have been SO MUCH worse if you hadn't trusted your instincts and checked on MN.

Keep the drawbridge up - he's unlikely to believe your decision..

I agree also with other PPs to take some time out before dating again for a while. Run the next one by your friends first maybe?

Be gentle with yourself my dear. You've had a lucky escape! 🌹

Well done OP. You're definitely not stupid you're brilliant . So glad you've got rid and blocked him.

Glad you binned him. He sounds like a lunatic, I definitely think he targeted you and was just testing your boundaries.

haha seems daddy complexes are very common .Well done for getting out OP!

I think it's interesting what pps have said about these people being able to spot previously abused people from the start and then pressing the right buttons. My ex (who sounds remarkably similar to yours) has a string of very abused partners (and I include myself in that). I suspect anyone else would have the boundaries and self esteem to run a mile.

Well done OP. Right decision.

Yay! Well done to you! And here’s to the first day of trusting your gut!!!!

You should be PROUD of yourself- not embarrassed!!!!!

I just wanted to say well done OP. Firstly on spotting the red flags and secondly on actually finishing things and blocking him.

Hold your head high, you're a kick ass, strong independent woman.

Please get out of this right away. X

Well done. Could you talk about this in your counselling?

Oh god OP i feel sick at the thought of him. Ewww. Hes weird and underneath psycho.

Eurgh, he sounds like an absolute creep and you are well rid!!!

Don't feel stupid OP and well done. It took me three relationships with emotionally abusive narcissists to wake up to it, I at times felt a bit stupid on the third one but it only took me about 6 weeks / two months to recognize and put an end to it - which made me realise I would never ever end up with anyone like that again, because the scales had fallen from my eyes.

And they have with you- you saw it, you recognized the signs, and luckily in a relatively short space of time. You have learnt a very important lesson and I wouldn't mind betting you'll be able to spot these guys a mile off in future. for you.

Thank you, you're all lovely and have cheered me up a bit. Not heard anything, he works round the corner from me and finishes at half 8. But worried he may come to the door but my doors and windows are locked and I definitely won't be answering. It feels a bit empowering taking control and thinking about me and my daughter for once rather than a man.

Good for you! X