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Original poster

New boyfriend of only a month talking about getting me pregnant...massive red flag?

310 replies

abwhite100 · 27/06/2019 10:40

So this is a weird one. Met my boyfriend online about 5 weeks ago, all in all have only had 7 dates. Each date has gone really well, we have loads in common, loads of chemistry, laughs a lot and I have genuinely never felt so comfortable and more able to be myself with someone in my whole life. But there have been some massive red flags and I have made mistakes by ignoring red flags in my last relationships and I'm at the stage where I have a little girl to consider and so I want to be sensible.

1st red flag. He is 30 and only had a girlfriend for 6 months, he claims he has never been in love.

2 nd red flag. He told me he loved me after our 4th date. He claims he knew after our first date and has never felt like this with anyone ever before. He says when you know you know.

3 rd red flag. He is very very very intense and has admitted himself he is a jealous person. He has made some controlling comments for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

4 th massive red flag. He stayed over at mine the other night, we have been using condoms as I am not on contraception as I am really sensitive to hormones and find nothing tends to agree with me. After sex the other night, he said, "you know I really don't want to use condoms, I only do because you want to but I like taking risks" then he kept going on and on in a jokey manner about how he is going to get me pregnant. This gave me absolute goosebumps especially as I said about 5 times that I do not want any more kids at this point in my life as I want to get my degree before even considering it. He still continued to make jokes saying he could pull out but he couldn't trust himself, or he would just not tell me he was about to cum and cum inside me without me knowing.

I really like this guy, I've not felt so connected to someone ever, but this pregnancy talk has really upset me and caused me to think about whether I should walk away regardless of the connection.

Should I discuss with him? Or should I walk?

I'm worried if I discuss he'll say he was only having a joke and put it on me making me look crazy.

OP posts:
cookingonwine · 27/06/2019 20:17

Run run run ..

Daftapath · 27/06/2019 20:29

Thank god you have binned and blocked him. Well done OP for acting so swiftly. Has he ever had a key or borrowed yours? Worried that he may have had a set cut.

Please stay vigilant for the next few weeks in case he pops up anywhere and don't hesitate in calling the police if he does and won't leave you alone

Original poster
abwhite100 · 27/06/2019 20:30

@Daftapath no I have never given him a set of keys and he wouldn't have had access to my keys in order to get any cut. Thank you! 😊

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 27/06/2019 20:33

Certainly don't answer. But that being said, shouting 'F OFF or I'll call the police!' through the door if he knocks more than once or hangs about might be a good move. Then that way at least he knows you aren't just out and aren't messing about.

Daftapath · 27/06/2019 20:36

OP, phew!

joystir59 · 27/06/2019 20:55

Excellent news OP, a massive well done to you for valuing yourself!!! FlowersFlowersFlowers

LEELULUMPKIN · 27/06/2019 21:00

Usain Bolt couldn't catch me running from this fecker!

Original poster
abwhite100 · 27/06/2019 22:14

Lol yeah, bit crazy

OP posts:
TheInebriati · 27/06/2019 22:32

You might have had a narrow escape - if you feel brave, Google 'stealthing'.

Whereissummerthisyear · 28/06/2019 06:57

I wish there was something women could do to prevent this type of vile man moving on to the next. Within the next five weeks he will be slapping the next poor unsuspecting victim and trying to get her pregnant.

Keaneno1fan · 28/06/2019 07:06

Well done OP a lucky escape. He sounded awful. Trying to get you pregnant to trap you in the relationship. Always trust gut instinct. Flowers

insecure123 · 28/06/2019 09:13

run, run, run........ it sounds like you have just met my ex Shock this won't end well. xx

insecure123 · 28/06/2019 09:37

Posted before I RTFT well done for getting shot of him before things got worse. I think you have dodged a bullet! Don't feel embarrassed, Just feel glad you got away from him! I think most of us would agree we have a few questionable choices in our past.....nothing to feel embarrassed about!

baileys6904 · 28/06/2019 09:51

How was last night OP? Hope all is ok and you're feeling positive this morning.

Be proud of yourself- you put your daughter and you first, and trusted your instinct. You did what a lot of women, myself included, fail to do for a lot longer. I wish you every happiness for the future x

ohnoessexgirl · 28/06/2019 10:05

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 28/06/2019 10:12

Just read this in one - hurrah for backing away in a fucking hurry!!

Kanga83 · 28/06/2019 10:15

I would be running fast- but also, without wanting to scare you, is there anyway he could have already tampered with condoms and you need to get tested for pregnancy and STI's? His 'taking risks' comment almost sounds threat like rather than a moving forwards with this relationship comment.

Mishappening · 28/06/2019 10:17

I am struggling to understand why you might be dating this man.

Mishappening · 28/06/2019 10:17

....have been........!

I am glad you saw the light!

CmdrCressidaDuck · 28/06/2019 10:59

Hey OP I just want to say one thing while you're resting in your feeling of relief and safety.

I get the sense that you hope for and buy into the idea that you'll meet a "The One" and he'll make everything in your life better and fix your issues with self esteem etc. This is a really seductive idea and the culture loves to sell us it in films and romance novels, but in reality it doesn't work.

No relationship can "fix" you.
No relationship can save you.

In fact, the buzz of a new relationship can be very damaging when what you really need is to work on yourself, because the euphoria makes you think you're already fixed and you don't do the work, and when the euphoria wears off things are worse than ever.

You have to fix yourself. You have to save yourself. It's the only way. At best, a supportive partner can stand by your side when you are stable enough. But you have to do the work. Good luck.

thornyhousewife · 28/06/2019 12:11

Well done OP, please be kind to yourself.

You recognised it wasn't right, asked for help and you've made the right choice. You should feel proud of yourself.

Keep going with the therapy, it will make you stronger.

And don't feel embarrassed - confide in your friends, tell them the truth. They will help you.

LetheBiscuit · 28/06/2019 15:17

There is a possibility that the pregnancy talk is a fetish thing that his previous gf enjoyed. Make it clear that you emphatically do not want to get pregnant, nor are sexually interested in that kind of dirty talk.

HOWEVER, I would be much more worried about the control of not allowing you to see male friends. That is not his call to make. Get out!

Maitairiki · 28/06/2019 20:54

Good job

Apolloanddaphne · 28/06/2019 21:02

Well done OP. You are a strong woman. You don't need that level of crazy in your life.

delilahbucket · 28/06/2019 21:04

He talks the talk now but it won't last. Run for the hills Flowers

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