New boyfriend of only a month talking about getting me pregnant...massive red flag?

[abwhite100]

So this is a weird one. Met my boyfriend online about 5 weeks ago, all in all have only had 7 dates. Each date has gone really well, we have loads in common, loads of chemistry, laughs a lot and I have genuinely never felt so comfortable and more able to be myself with someone in my whole life. But there have been some massive red flags and I have made mistakes by ignoring red flags in my last relationships and I'm at the stage where I have a little girl to consider and so I want to be sensible.

1st red flag. He is 30 and only had a girlfriend for 6 months, he claims he has never been in love.

2 nd red flag. He told me he loved me after our 4th date. He claims he knew after our first date and has never felt like this with anyone ever before. He says when you know you know.

3 rd red flag. He is very very very intense and has admitted himself he is a jealous person. He has made some controlling comments for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

4 th massive red flag. He stayed over at mine the other night, we have been using condoms as I am not on contraception as I am really sensitive to hormones and find nothing tends to agree with me. After sex the other night, he said, "you know I really don't want to use condoms, I only do because you want to but I like taking risks" then he kept going on and on in a jokey manner about how he is going to get me pregnant. This gave me absolute goosebumps especially as I said about 5 times that I do not want any more kids at this point in my life as I want to get my degree before even considering it. He still continued to make jokes saying he could pull out but he couldn't trust himself, or he would just not tell me he was about to cum and cum inside me without me knowing.

I really like this guy, I've not felt so connected to someone ever, but this pregnancy talk has really upset me and caused me to think about whether I should walk away regardless of the connection.

Should I discuss with him? Or should I walk?

I'm worried if I discuss he'll say he was only having a joke and put it on me making me look crazy.

I was in a relationship with a controller/abuser like this; and in some ways he seems like the nicest guy ever. And he does have some good qualities.

But it isn't possible for a "normal" women to have a decent relationship with him.

Oh God
Don’t walk. Run and don’t look back.

And don’t have sex with h ever again. He can’t be trusted.
A self-proclaimed man who likes to take risks.... With babies only or STDs?
Makes one wonder how many risks he has taken before he met you.

He is not a grown up man who is a relationship material. And he is love bombing you. And is controlling and a health risk.
Did I miss anything?

Dear God woman why are you still standing there. There needs to be a you-shaped hole in the door. All of these are screaming "future controlling abuser who is lovebombing you". I know it feels intense and romantic right now, that's how abusers reel you in.

Whatever you do, do not have sex with him ever ever again, you can't trust him at all. That pregnancy stuff is creepy as FUCK.

Run for the hills. As fast as possible.

This man likely targeted you because you are a single mother. Some abusive men like such women to abuse because they think they are so desperate for a man/relationship that they would put up with anything.

Your boundaries in relationships anyway are still way off kilter (although you have recognised red flags this time around but to date you have still not walked away from him) so you should not be doing any form of dating till you have sorted your issues pertaining to your own self.

Love your own self for a change. I write that as you state you have ignored red flags in your last relationship. Please enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid

Red flags a plenty here. You need to block and delete him, I also have no doubt at all you were deliberately targeted; many abusers can spot vulnerabilities to exploit a mile off. You may be bad at cutting people off (and why is that?) but this individual is dangerous to you and needs to be let go of. You have your DD to consider here too.

He is really not nice in every other aspect at all and in all likelihood love bombed you or mirrored you from the very beginning. Read this article too:-

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

He was also trying to stop me (termed as us) from socialising separately from him, intensely uncomfortable about me having or meeting make friends/acquaintances, said "Well that wouldn't be happening with me" in reference to me visiting a gay (yes, gay) male friend abroad on my own in previous relationship etc.

He never stopped, the conflict never stopped, if just went on and on and was so stressful, they don't change.

Usain Bolt it outta there!!!
Nice in every other way? There’s so many NOs where are the YES?

Read what everyone’s said and keep reading until you get the message.

Can’t think why his longest relationship was only 6 months 🤨

Fuck me! If this is what it’s like after a month can you imagine 6 months, 12 months, 10 years down the line? You’ll have half a dozen kids and be walking on eggshells the rest of your life.
Tell him it’s not working and not to contact you again then block him.

Oh dear God, Op, you need to stop all contact. He is already abusive. How on earth can you add in - but I really like him?

Please before you ever date again, work on you, your boundaries and your self esteem. I mean this kindly, he is really not a nice person and I would have run after point 2 and most certainly point 3.

RUN!

Dump him and run NOW!!

I really hope you took the morning after pill after you had sex. I wouldn't trust him to not sabotage the condom.

Please get away from him!

All that stuff about taking risks and remarks about sex is really worrying actually.
Don’t see him again block and move on.

1 & 2 on their own, fine, maybe a bit but whatever. No. 3 - nope. You don't need that in your life, definitely not. At this point you start walking, not so quickly that you're winded but picking up speed. No. 4 - you'll need to be wearing trainers or have the car idling on the drive as you need a quick getaway. He'll get you pregnant then you're going nowhere and seeing no-one. And at this point no. 1 & 2 also start looking worse as you'll wonder if he's actually a bit obsessed or is more likely to get you pregnant and then leave you for another short-lived woman.
It doesn't matter how good the good times are if the bad times are really shitty.

R U N

Oh god leg it

Oh god you must be gutted, but yes I think you have to leave. I know it’s hard, I have just had to finish with someone I really care about because the relationship wasn’t making me happy, but sometimes needs must.

I would also be concerned about him sabotaging the condoms, please get another contraception sorted if you don't run!

Leg it, love.

I married a guy like this "Oh you're my soulmate, I've never felt like this before blah blah blah". I was being love-bombed. He turned into all the things I wanted out of life and promised me them all. He mirrored my weaknesses and insecurities. It was 2 years before he revealed himself and by then it was too late and I was pregnant. This guy has done you a favor by showing you his true colors early on. Get out of there

Also. Those "jokes" about not using a condom, and not pulling out? They aren't jokes. They're the classic boundary-testing of an abuser. He's telling you exactly what he will do to see if you'll put up with it, and therefore if you are a good "target" for his abuse. And you are still considering staying, so it seems you are. Someone with good, firm, stable boundaries would be out the door so fast they'd break the sound barrier.

I second the recommendation for a break from dating and for the Freedom Project.

I don’t think you should bother talking to him. There is no explaining this stuff away.

I really like this guy
WHY?????
You've listed loads of huge red flags.
What on earth did you learn about relationships growing up?
Jeez. Please prioritise yourself here.
This one is no good.
No good at all.

RUN - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

Fuck me. Run like the wind, woman!

It doesn't need a discussion. A 'sorry this isn't working for me' text should suffice after 5 weeks.

He's actually given you an out. Just arrange drinks with your male friend. You could send him a picture.

“Molly - you in danger girl”

RUN