New boyfriend of only a month talking about getting me pregnant...massive red flag?

[abwhite100]

So this is a weird one. Met my boyfriend online about 5 weeks ago, all in all have only had 7 dates. Each date has gone really well, we have loads in common, loads of chemistry, laughs a lot and I have genuinely never felt so comfortable and more able to be myself with someone in my whole life. But there have been some massive red flags and I have made mistakes by ignoring red flags in my last relationships and I'm at the stage where I have a little girl to consider and so I want to be sensible.

1st red flag. He is 30 and only had a girlfriend for 6 months, he claims he has never been in love.

2 nd red flag. He told me he loved me after our 4th date. He claims he knew after our first date and has never felt like this with anyone ever before. He says when you know you know.

3 rd red flag. He is very very very intense and has admitted himself he is a jealous person. He has made some controlling comments for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

4 th massive red flag. He stayed over at mine the other night, we have been using condoms as I am not on contraception as I am really sensitive to hormones and find nothing tends to agree with me. After sex the other night, he said, "you know I really don't want to use condoms, I only do because you want to but I like taking risks" then he kept going on and on in a jokey manner about how he is going to get me pregnant. This gave me absolute goosebumps especially as I said about 5 times that I do not want any more kids at this point in my life as I want to get my degree before even considering it. He still continued to make jokes saying he could pull out but he couldn't trust himself, or he would just not tell me he was about to cum and cum inside me without me knowing.

I really like this guy, I've not felt so connected to someone ever, but this pregnancy talk has really upset me and caused me to think about whether I should walk away regardless of the connection.

Should I discuss with him? Or should I walk?

I'm worried if I discuss he'll say he was only having a joke and put it on me making me look crazy.

Girl you need to prioritise your gut instinct not subdue it.

He’s only ‘the one’ if you want to be physically abused and friendless, while caring for an unwanted child. Does that sound like the future you dream of?

What happened when he unexpectedly slapped you out of any context?

Contact Women's Aid and try to get onto the Freedom Programne

Totally get how you feel. People blind you and you feel like you finally get the soul mate people told you that you would find. I have been in horrific abusive relationships. One after another and its a cycle. People build you up and they drop you down from a massive height. But you have a saving grace here you have a child!

So as a mother you know that you have to put them first. Even if you want somethint. And that's not even an option so you have an out. I feel like your self esteem must be low because its easy for people to get you then. But yeh I would not even meet up with him again because he will try n spin your head.
I wouldn't even tell him why ur ending it the real reason you don't wana deal with any hassle. I would just say me and my dc are not ready to have someone in our lives just yet so I wish you luck. Block done.

Enjoy single life do things that help your confidence grow. The right guy isn't the guy who says all the nice words. The right guy probably has moments where he annoys you and you have a few bickers and you have opposing views. But the right guy is there with his actions solidly, even if you try to push him away he won't be moved. Just think about ur lucky escape and without sounding patronising well done for thinking about them red flags I always used to just push them to one side because I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic.

I just worry that what if he is actually the real deal and I am just throwing him away
Every single person is in agreement this guy is a danger and you’re still swithering?!?
Randomly hitting you in the face has fuck all to do with rough sex, Jesus woman wake up!!

Not just a little red flag, huge enormous red flags here. I will echo what others have said RUN!!! Definitely do not ever have sex with him again. Text him it's over.

freedomprogramme.co.uk/

www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CjwKCAjw0tHoBRBhEiwAvP1GFf0oACfiIxnkEaAalDXjCE-uP6Tj79uHkb8MKyBB_g2_S4fIGjnMyhoC0zEQAvD_BwE

Red flags mean indicators that something is potentially abusive - you are past the point of red flags and indicators, 4 and 5 are outright controlling behaviours and have absolutely no place in a relationship.

Wow. This guy sounds exactly like the guy my sister got tangled up with. Very intense, very quickly. He was extremely charismatic etc etc. Told her he loved her after about 3 weeks and a few dates. She had a little girl too and just wanted to be loved so she fell for him really quickly. He made all the same comments. She was pregnant within a few months. He was an utter psycho which only showed itself once she became pregnant. Controlling and abusive. It has ruined her life and the extended family. Awful. If I was you, I’d double check that girlfriend story. Can you see him on social media. Get in touch with that ex and check his story. I strongly urge you to do some investigating of your own and check everything. Men like him target women like you.

for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

I hope you told him that if that was his attitude there would be no relationship? If so, how did he react?

Please don’t feel that you have somehow ‘invited’ the physical abuse by telling him you like rough sex. Most men are able to distinguish between consensual rough sex and random out of context slaps, they do not bear ANY relationship to each other!

What's the point of all that investigating dragonway? It's only going to mentally enmesh the OP in this dangerous and frightening man more and run the risk of angering him. Much, much more important is that the OP just get the fuck away before he has the chance to knock her up or hit her again.

@dragonway I think he has a Facebook account but I'm not on Facebook and I only know his exes first name, nothing more as I did think about checking the story out. He said they split as they couldn't be bothered travelling to see one another but they only lived about a 45 minute drive from one another so I was a bit hmmm about that

This man is very dangerous indeed

He’s not “nice in every other way” he’s lying through his teeth and love bombing you specifically to get under your skin and where he wants you and then you’ll see the real him.

Dump him now, today, this very second

Tell him as banal an excuse as possible and then block him and never speak to him again.

@Isatis he actually said that to me on the 2nd or 3rd date 😬 and I think I said something along the lines of "I make my own decisions" and he didn't say much to be honest

If he's happy to slap your face when you're just talking and not having sex then what next? Forcing himself on you when you're doing the washing up and ignoring your pleas to stop because you've said you like it rough and he 'thought you were pretending not to like it'?
'The one' will trust you to spend time with friends. He'll take notice of what you say. He'll respect your body. You won't need to post on Mumsnet about him (except as one of those 'DH is bloody fantastic' posts that lots of people don't like!).

God the more and more I think about it the more I see how silly I've been, before we even went on our first date, he actually text me asking if I knew any of the same people as him and if so has anyone said anything about him as he feels like I know something I'm not telling him.

Like holy shit and I still met him.

I am currently in counselling as I am dealing with low self esteem and some issues with alcohol and he's well aware of this. I feel I've been stupid.

Oh, and you are very far from being stupid, you’re not stupid at all!

You’ve had your instincts kick in and you’ve asked.

You would only be stupid if you allow this man any more of your time.

He’s seen you as an easy target, that’s on him, not you!

What you do next is all about you.

Definitely run and run fast.

Think of yourself and your child and damn well put your skates on!!!
Is he a narcissist?
Of course he's lovely and charming it's fresh and new.
If he laughs that he will get you pregnant (trap you) I'd be speaking my mind loud and proud that No you will not be.
I'd be investing in your own protection of you continue and be aware of the telling you who and who you can't spend time with.
Stand your ground put some
Boundaries in place and see if it lasts unless you run.
Enjoy your catch up with your mate and let your man know... go from there any games Run... friends are more important than lunatics

I agree with Cruessida that there's no reason to go looking for evidence. You can gand should act upon your own observation. You've correctly identified them as red flags so act on them. End it if you can trust yourself not to be talked round or if not, just block him.

I agree with a pp. This has gone beyond red flags into actual abusive behaviour.

Cressida sorry.

You're not stupid at all, but you are vulnerable. It's his fault that he's exploited your vulnerability, not yours. Please, though, take the time to learn about and shore up yourself right now and put your energies into your relationship with yourself. Sadly there are exploitative and abusive people out there who will seek out and abuse that vulnerability and you need to protect yourself against that by not going into a new relationship until you're more able to keep yourself safe.